Why Is Rhett Growing Out His Hair and Beard?

Welcome to Ear Biscuits, I'm Link And I'm Rhett

This week at the round table of dim lighting, we are exploring the question why am I, Rhett, growing out my hair and beard? Why are you growing out your hair and beard? Hair and beard You're growing out your hair and beard Hair and beard, not my heron beard That'd be a different thing, that'd be a beard shaped like a heron which is a bird Well you know what, it is starting to assume– It could happen

The shape of something Mm-hmm It's curling forward in the front and it's almost like there's a beak, it could be from a, okay, I'm listening I'm on board for this Hold on so– I'm on board for you talking about your– Hold on, you just cut your own– Facial hair

You cut yourself short And your hair, head hair And just said okay I'm on board Why we talking like this today? We're talking very stuccato Stuccato

Now tease, I'm on board but they may not be Tease it, you mean like this– Don't tease your hair Teasing my hair There's something to this Okay well– There's rumblings of reasons

So apparently there's enough to talk about for– This may be an announcement to you but yes, the plan is to grow my hair and my beard out and I have a reason, reasons I knew you were gonna do it, this is not news but I've only heard the rumblings of the specifics so– And it may not seem like the kinda thing that warrants a conversation on Ear Biscuits, but I think we've demonstrated that, it doesn't take much to warrant a conversation on Ear Biscuits But is there something to this? Is this gonna go somewhere, this conversation? I mean I certainly hope so for the sake of the entertainment of people– You're not really selling it well I'm looking for a teaser like yes and, what I'm really gonna talk about– I have a deeply personal reason that I'm doing it And there it is

How's that for a tease? You have a deep, so it's not a shallow thing, there's a deep element There could be shallow elements to it as well, we'll explore all that Okay, all right But it started in a deeply personal place All right

I hereby commit to being actively engaged in ripping you to shreds but also supporting you emotionally Okay that's interesting In this conversation Okay, before we get into your heron beard, I can't figure out if this is something to celebrate, 'cause it might come across as bragging Be a braggy daddy

I'm trying to figure out how I wanna– Just be a braggy daddy, man How I approach this but I got a new car Hey Link, look at you, man Look at me, man! And this is not a normal thing for you This is a long time coming

Yeah, I been driving this Scion XB that we bought together, how many years ago? Like you been through a number of cars and I've just been driving this Scion XB When we first, just to step back a little bit– I don't know when it was When we first moved to LA, we towed my family minivan behind a U-Haul truck and then you, you took over the lease from somebody in Santa Monica– Yeah, fun fact Life tip I didn't know this was a thing but if you need a car for a short period of time and I needed a car for six months– Because we were saying we were gonna be here for six months in furnished apartments

Right We didn't move all of our stuff You can actually– You left a car back in North Carolina, I guess Yeah I did, two of 'em You can take over someone else's lease and there are different websites where you can do it so it's much cheaper than renting a car

You don't want to rent a car for six months and if you're in a situation like I was and couldn't borrow a car 'cause I was going to a new place where I didn't know anybody, you can take over somebody's lease I did, it was a Saturn That's the only time I've drove a Saturn and then Saturn just quit making cars I went with you to pick it up Culver City

So that I drove you there 'cause Uber wasn't really popping yet No it wasn't Culver City, it was all the way, it was at the beach almost It was like Cerritos or something And we, if I remember correctly, we went into this guy's apartment If you go on Craigslist to buy a bike or something

You meet a guy at his apartment, you buy it, but for you it was taking over the lease of a car Felt a little clandestine I was like I don't know if I actually took it over, I just got the keys and drove away But there was paperwork and cash involved Yeah but all the paperwork was with the bank

And then our second car when we settled into living here, we leased a Ford Fusion Ford Fusion As a company car which I drove and then I would come to your house 'cause we worked in your backyard Well between the two families– You didn't have a car Between the two families, we had three cars total

So y'all had a minivan, we had an SUV and that was what Jessie and Christy drove 'cause they needed to take children around And then we shared a car And then we shared a car because I didn't have a commute Right and then we started commuting– Did that for a good while And then we bought, speaking of cash, we bought the Scion because that's the car that you had back in North Carolina and you liked it 'cause it had storage capacity and it works for a tall guy

It's actually good for a tall person So you could sit up Still is, Scion's one of the best cars for a tall person And we had this idea to buy it in cash We had this vision of taking out the cash

Well I think that when people said you buy a car in cash, we literally thought that meant that you took a stack of cash into the dealership Well and then– It just really means you just don't finance it Yeah it just means you get a cashier's check We literally took a stack, I'm sure we've told this story We took a cash, cash stack

How much money did Scion cost? It was $18,000 Okay And we put $18,000 in an envelope and walked around– I thought it was gonna be a freakin'– Walked around with it– I thought we were gonna have to get a duffel bag I just didn't really think about it It's not really that much

I could have put it in my pocket and you would have just thought I was excited It's not that much money Yeah 'cause it's, if you get a thousand dollar bill It's only 18 of those We didn't get, those do exist, but I've never seen one

We got– We got it in hundreds Yeah so– We got 18, no we got 180 180 Hundred dollar Hundred dollar bills

Yeah you don't need a duffel bag for that And then we gave it to the guy and he looked at us kinda weird 'cause it's still like, it's one stack It's what rappers talk about doing They got bands Yeah, I wanna do it more often

He had to take the money and put it in a counter Yeah, took twice Had to count it twice 'cause it's a lot of cash So I've been driving that thing around for years I backed into somebody in a Ralphs parking lot and the bumper's all crapped out

Tail light's busted Wha tail The tail light's been busted for over a year I just been driving it, you know It's got Bluetooth connectivity to my phone

I can listen to music That's all you need Bluetooth Although I read recently should turn your Bluetooth off because it is highly susceptible to– Hacking Security breaches

You should turn your AirDrop, first, just turn your Bluetooth off unless you are currently connecting to something that requires Bluetooth Don't have it on all the time because people people be opening up that mouth and taking advantage of your Bluetooth Oh really? Your blue teeth, yeah Yeah, it's what I heard But you got a new car

So I finally did it Mm-hmm I got a new car and I've had on my mind I wanna get an electric vehicle Of course And I'm like you know what, this is my opportunity to splurge

I've done some things to splurge but this is the first time I've, this is the quintessential splurge on myself Oh come– That's what I've done You can use a different word I got an electric car I test drove a Tesla and then I looked at the price tag on that thing and I just could not bring myself to do it

Yeah Especially the one you were looking at, the X, which is just– 'Cause Christy said– If you get one brand new, it's just– I think we need to get the car Ridiculous She said I needed to get the SUV, get the X so that if the whole family needed to go somewhere, we could still all technically get in So I'm like okay really, that's a requirement

I do think that that's kind of important Yeah, she talked me into that 'cause I test drove a BMW, the I– I– Three or something Three, yeah It's like that, it kinda looks like a bigger, slightly visher burger Bigger version of a smart car

It's the one that Katie Couric and Bryant Gumbel were in the commercial making fun of themselves from talking about the internet in that campaign Not a lot of bells and whistles on that BMW I'm like if I'm gonna get a BMW, it needs to have bells and frickin' whistles It did not have any and the reason was to keep it lighter so it could have a greater range And they're still trying to sell you on, and you put a little gas engine in the back as a backup

And I'm like for some reason, as anxious as I get about things, I wanted to fully commit to an electric car I mean we also have a gas-powered car if we go on a trip or camping or something so it's like, I don't have what they call range anxiety Well you– I have all other types of anxiety Yeah but you've had the car for a week, I mean you don't know what kind of anxiety you're gonna– Most people have it and it keeps them from considering a fully electric vehicle I thought range anxiety is when you're in the car and you start looking at that meter

Yes but it starts with deciding if this is gonna be your car Okay, all right I think I have that I looked at the Audi e-tron I had to sign up on a waiting list for months and months and months to get this thing

So they kinda tricked me into full splurge because you go on and you configure your car and you place an order and they're like well, you can change this before it goes to the plant to be made And so I'm like, you know what, I'm going all the way and I said yes to everything Yeah I never went back onto the screen, which you might call that the website I call it the screen

And really say you know what, I'm not gonna get this because it costs a little more and I'm not gonna get this addition It's the first time I've ever said yes to everything, all the accessories for anything Yeah I'm usually the one that's like yeah, I'll get it but I'm not gonna get this and this and this The next email I got, they were shipping the thing

Yeah And I was like too late now I talked my, I backed into the splurge And again, I just feel like I'm almost apologizing but it's like, because I have a hard time spending money, so I got this thing Are you apologizing for the massaging seats? It's got seats that massage

And you know what, your seat gave me a massage I don't know if you could tell by the look on my face but I requested one by pressing the buttons and I got one the other day when I was in your car It not only has a massage, it's got six different types of massage Yeah she went up to the shoulders I don't know why– Three different– I just said she, the seat

Intensities The seat went up to the shoulders, lower back, mid-back, and then I put on the ventilation in your nice leather perforated seats Yes Yeah you do the bragging for me, man This is good

So I take Lando to school yesterday Of course I usually am the one to take him to school Christy takes Lily and Lincoln to high school, they're both in high school now, a little bit earlier And he went around and he got in the front seat He said, "I'm getting in the front seat

" I looked at him weird because he insists on me chauffeuring him to school, like he would always get in the backseat of the Scion He would never get in the front seat with me Really, most kids, as soon as they have the opportunity to get to– I know The front seat are up there And I was like, and I don't exactly know why

My theory was when he got out of the front seat I'm more visible and if any of the other students can see it's me, he's like self-conscious about his dad being recognized as that guy from the internet He hasn't outright told me that But I think that was part of it Okay He wants to slip out of the back

Put him in the trunk, back into school But he got– Who was that, I don't know He's like, "I'm getting in the front seat" Of course he's in fourth grade now so maybe he's over the whole dad's famous He's realized it's not, who cares

But what he really did was, he wanted that massager I'm like yeah, okay, here's another benefit My son is now riding beside me on the way to school I can actually look at him a little bit when we're driving in And he's so relaxed when he gets there

Yeah he's just like– To wake him up Son, we're at school Like a puddle of mud But I'll tell ya, this thing's got so much stuff, so many cameras, so many blings and blasts and whistles and alerts and screens that I don't know where to look Yeah you were backing up the other day and I actually saw one view was just a colonoscopy of myself

I was like how did the camera get there? It's actually a– I need to see a doctor It's a colon cleanse, it's a colonic It's a colonic It's a colonic machine So it's not, it's not doctor certified, it's more just like woo science

Right Kind of a thing Yeah But it drains directly onto the street so I don't have– Oh It's not like I have to clean it up or anything

Oh gosh I mean I don't know if you noticed, but we're going to this, I'm driving, well first of all, I'm offering to drive now Yeah 'Cause I feel like, I feel like I'm just driving, it's free, it's just, I feel like I'm, I never go to a gas station Sure I plug it into that thing when I get home but I just feel like it's free fuel

Now the sticker on the car said you save like $2500 over five years in fuel cost I'm like man, that's depressingly low Well because you know, the ironic thing is that the fuel that you're using at home, the electricity that you're using at home is most likely generated by fossil fuels but that is not a reason– That's changing To not transition to an electric car One of my main motives

Because we're in it for the long haul, folks It's for the environment, baby Yeah so I mean there's zero emissions It's better, yeah, it's the right thing to do but it is an expensive thing to do at this point and you can't really do it to save money But it's also a better driving experience

Let me tell you, man I told Christy first time we got this thing, I'm like we are driving in the future It just feels that way, it's like I've never owned a car that had acceleration I'm like accelerating for the first time in a car

And it's exhilarating to accelerate But let me tell ya, with so much to look at and listen to and be distracted by, I'm putting myself, passengers and everyone around me– There have been some close calls You ran two red lights just yesterday alone I never run red lights I ran two red lights yesterday because– It also takes you– I'm looking at other things

It already takes you a long time to get in and go, begin going 'cause there's lots of things that happen and then takes you a long time to get out of the car It's been taking you, I'd say an extra 45 seconds on top of your already 120 second routine I don't even know how to start it yet Yeah Running red lights if I get it started

I almost hit a pedestrian, and here's the, it's so quiet You know they add a little sound Like legally there's a little sound that they add It's a futuristic sound When you pulled up at my house with it for the first time, it was like

That's the sound That is not necessary for the operation of the vehicle Safety That is added for safety only No and coolness

And in reverse it makes a different sound It sounds good I've never heard it from the outside Well let me drive it, I'll drive it around you I'll drive a circle around you

You can stand outside and listen to it Okay, that's about as far as I'll let you drive I haven't, I did let Lily drive it I was pretty nervous about that Christy has not driven it

So yeah– But you're gonna let her I feel guilty about doing it but I'm also having the time of my life behind the wheel Yeah man, splurge yourself And I would thank Audi but it's not like I got a discount so not a sponsor I mean you did buy, you did order it directly after we attended that Audi dinner

That's true That was one of the coolest experiences we've had in terms of the whole name-dropping kind of situation which– Have we dropped those names 'cause let's do it Don Cheadle Yeah we had dinner and very small group of people and freaking Don Cheadle was there, that's all I gotta say I assumed he'd be nice but he was a unexpectedly jovial guy

So nice, so nice Did you know that the first adjective that you would use to describe Don Cheadle would be jovial? Well– Dude is jovial Yeah, yeah Almost festive, it feels like Christmas around the guy And very engaged with whatever it is that everyone's talking about

Kumail Nanjiani, we sat next to him and we were talking about the e-tron and he was like, "I mean it's basically just a station wagon" And I'm like– That's what I want, bro I mean it's not, I would have to agree with that It's kind of a practical thing which makes it, it's not flashy It's got all the bells and whistles

And you also, you went with, I like the color Yeah It's a cool color but it's cool because it's not cool You know what I'm saying? I never saw it on a car when I ordered it, I was like– You got a tan– Beige Station wagon

Yeah I did You got a beige station wagon It's not really, it's a sexy experience But it looks very futuristic and– Not as much as a Tesla though It's got a grill even though it doesn't need a grill

So many people are driving a Tesla, you know Around here, it's just like– It basically just looks like another Audi It looks like it's not a fully electronic vehicle because of the grill and stuff like that Yeah until you hear that You know what it is

It's incognito Well I'm happy– No mufflers I'm happy for ya No mufflers That's my favorite part

And yeah, I mean– I got a new car, you gettin' a new hair The side effect of you driving more though is that you're not great at carrying on a conversation while driving so it makes, that's a little bit of a bummer Yeah it's not fully, it'll almost– So engaged It'll almost drive itself Yeah

And then I can start talking when I get in that mode, once I figure out how to use that Okay, we'll talk If we have any more harrowing or non-harrowing experiences in your car or I get more massages, we'll keep you updated on that We need a massage, these need to be massage chairs No we can't, keep it to the car

But first, we wanna let you know that you should head over to that new Mythicalcom website and you should, first of all, it might just happen that you get a little pop-up that invites you to subscribe to receive the Mythical Monthly Newsletter where you get news from us, early access to discounts and a lot more Some recommendations, et cetera, or if you don't see that pop-up you can scroll down to the bottom, there will be a place you can enter in your email address We will make it worth your time This is not a spammy situation

We try to make each one of those Mythical Monthly Newsletters useful Something special Yeah Also go to Mythicalcom to buy stuff

Mythicaltom? Mythicalcom Like this shirt Long-sleeve oath tee

Got some tricep printed action Oh man, my shoulder's hurting from– Be careful Oh gosh When you get back in your car Okay

Got a app I can start cooling it off before I get into it Yeah I noticed you did that It's got a valet alert feature Valet alert? So if I, yeah, so if the valet take it farther, if the valet– The valet steals the car

Steals the car, I will know immediately if I turn that on Hmm Mythicalstore Check it

Okay so– Dot com Mythicalcom Oh I got the habit of saying Mythicalstore I mean it'll redirect

It'll still work 'Cause we– Mythicalcom's got it all Right So I think I've only told, the largest group of people I've told, I think I told the Mythical Society members during one of the monthly vlogs, we have a monthly vlog over there at Mythical Society and I said I was, I basically said I was thinking about, didn't wanna fully commit to saying that I was growing my hair and my beard out

But I haven't talked about it here I did say I would talk about why Okay so, I, at some point, well first of all, like most people, my hair and my beard have a certain cycle and most people have sort of recognized, I let my hair or my facial hair grow to this point and then I get it cut Probably a lot of dudes are on a monthly schedule Six weeks maybe

And I just got to the end of one of my cycles and I was like, I don't think I'm gonna cut it And– And you're talking about the hair at this point 'Cause the beard you would trim more often than that The beard I would trim more often But so the other thing that, the thing that coincided with this and was the motivation for it, the primary motivation for it is, and I've given a little background on this but in therapy, sort of the main thing that I am kinda focusing on– Is style

Is yeah, it's just looking better No, is– Damn we're already talking about therapy Moving– Good Moving from the head to the heart, now okay, scientifically speaking, is there really a difference? What I'm talking about is the principle of embodiment and yeah, we're in LA now and we hang around folks who talk about things like embodiment and do things like embodiment workshops Yeah you can, you can shake your head or whatever you do to those kinds of things if you're not into it but I would say that as I hopefully have demonstrated and have talked about, just the idea of getting more in touch with my feelings because I tend to be a super heady person and actually, if you ask me what I'm feeling about something, I will tell you what I'm thinking about it

And this is a pretty, I would say that this is a huge issue I'll know how to tell ya how I feel, I just tell ya how I think You complete– Jimmy Stewart? You can, John Wayne You can lead a horse– Okay You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him feel

I think Jimmy Stewart and John Wayne had a love child and that's what you just impersonated Well that makes me feel criticized So and you know the interesting thing is and this is a thing that I have discovered in therapy is I will cry very easily Feldman, I was at Feldman's wedding this past weekend I cried at your wedding

Congratulations, Feldman You made Rhett cry Now what kind of cry was it 'cause– It was a just a John Paul Jones, for those of you who watch "Bachelor in Paradise," it was just a heaving, no it wasn't It wasn't anything like that It was just my eyes welled up with tears

I don't believe that a tear dropped but– You were sad I got misty-eyed You were sad for Stacy When you , when I thought about what Stacy was gonna have to endure for the next few decades Joy, we're talking tears of joy

Yeah and I will cry easily at a movie I will cry, I will cry at an emotional commercial Like every once in awhile there's one of those Super Bowl commercials and it's usually about something like a Dodge truck but the whole thing is very emotional and it doesn't take much to get the waterworks going for me But that actually is not evidence of sensitivity It's actually evidence of my tendency to, 'cause all humans have to have some kind of release of your emotions, right

Now typically for me, it's gonna come out with crying at things that I have no personal stakes in Sorry to say it, Feldman I don't have any personal stakes in your marriage I see your marriage like a commercial that I'm just viewing passively And so, I'm very, it doesn't take much to make me start crying at that because you need to let it out somehow

I wonder what my release is I think it might be just clenching my– My butt hole? My butt hole Yeah you should– Which is ironic You should see a therapist about that Not a lot of release associated with clenching but like

Well, that's the clench, so what is the release for me? I don't know A fart No I don't know Well and the other release for me is anger

Which I would think is the same for you as well You're in that situation where your family really hasn't done anything at all that warrants you being pissed but your fuse is pretty short and it's because you gotta, you're dealing with frustrations at work or anxiety about your life or your career or whatever For me a lot of times it's just this general level of frustration with the things that we're trying to create and make better and creative aspirations being restricted in some way or thinking about the future and are we still gonna be relevant, whatever All those things that kinda get rolled up Or maybe just you're just doing a whole lot of things at once

The stress comes in and then it's gotta find a way out and so a lot of times with me it'll just be an angry outburst, not physical thing but just a short uncharitable tone or word with my kids or my wife And so I'm dealing with that because the thing that my therapist is trying to get me to do is just be like okay, when you are experiencing something, don't just immediately move to what do you think about it? 'Cause I'm also a huge problem solver and so if you, even if somebody tells me an issue that they have emotionally, I'm gonna, the way I respond to that is to tell you what you should do Or even if you know it's not polite to say it, 'cause it's like, in your mind or in my mind, it's immediately like well if it were me, I would do this My next step would be this My action would be this

And this is problematic in relationships of course Right So if your wife comes to you and says that this is how I feel about this or I had a bad day and this is specifically what happened, my typical response is to be like well, what are we gonna do about it? Here's my advice and she's not interested in my advice She's interested in me having some empathy and feeling along with her Yeah

Now, related to that, one of the things that I'm trying to do is sort of live more in this part of my body, and so again, these are basically just tools I don't think there's some center of mass of my soul that is literally moving down to my heart, but there is this physical question of where do I feel this thing and how do I embody this on a more consistent basis? So I can be in a situation where I'm just interacting with somebody and I can be like, don't just think about what they're saying and think about this conversation Feel what they're saying and feel this conversation and be in your heart and you will be a more connected, present person Yeah, we got an advance copy of our friend Mike, Science Mike McHargue's new book which I'm sure we'll talk about more later but probably shouldn't talk about his book which he gave us a sneak peek but screw it He said, he's talking about how you have a nervous system built around your digestive system, for example

Yeah Nerves aren't just to feel at your fingertips but it's to give feedback And if I'm not mistaken, independent of rational parts of your brain, well I mean, a lot of your nervous system is just, it works and sends signals and your body responds automatically Yeah But there's actually, there's feeling and sensation associated with these things, whether it's digestion or– Yeah there is a– Breathing

Scientific reality to it Obviously I don't understand it or can't explain it as well as Mike can But knowing that is another access point to I think what you're talking about which is beginning to awaken to the fact that everything doesn't happen in our rational, our experience is not just limited to what we can filter rationally That's what you're saying, right? Yeah and well, and also, if you're like me, you can have a tendency to just come to the conclusion that this is my personality My personality is not very emotional

Like I'm not one of those emotional people There's not a lot of drama In reality, I'm just really good in certain circumstances at behaving well, but because I'm a human, that stuff that goes in is going to come out in some form like we've discussed And for me it's these unhealthy ways So all that to say that sort of my mantra and it's very difficult to remember to do this

My mantra has just to be like be in the heart Be in the heart And where does my hair and my beard come into this? Well but even, that is the question But before you answer that, I actually, so if that's your mantra, the thing that you repeat to yourself, A, how do you do that? What does the mantra part mean and then what is, what is the specific action point? What do you do to be in the heart? Well I'm, first of all, I'm figuring that out Now one thing I do is– You said mantra so first of all, are you repeating over and over again that phrase? Not out loud necessarily

It's more, when I find myself in a situation, I'm like how can I be more embodied right now in this conversation, in this interaction, in this moment, whatever But practically, I think it happens in a couple ways One is asking myself what do I feel about something as opposed to just what do I think about it? I got enough thinking going on for like a dozen people There's no, I'm not about to think not enough about something So it's more like okay but what I can do and this closes me off in relationship is to just think about things and so it's like okay, well what do you feel about that? To actually feel it, take a moment to, where do you feel it, and what is the feeling? A lot of times my therapist asks me, "No no, but what do you, how do you feel about that?" I'm like, I don't know what I feel about it but I can tell you what I think about it

So it's asking that question Now the second part of it I think for me, a big part of kinda being present in a conversation is not, and especially in a group where, a group maybe, not necessarily a large group, where I tend to go into my performance mode and this gets into a little bit of the, which we still haven't done a podcast on this, the Enneagram stuff, it's essentially just a way to think about your personality It's not particular scientific but it's not like astrology It's just based on observation and I tend to be a performer and so I kind of adapt to certain environments so it's like okay, I'm in this type of environment with these type of people

I'm pretty good at figuring out very quickly how do you succeed at being liked in this situation? What kind of humor, what kind of conversational topics need to be deployed in this group to be seen as relevant, a leader, just to perform well That is my default I'm really good at it But for me, it's saying okay, you gotta break that cycle of trying to perform and move into a place that is more like not, for me, that's not filtering what I say Now this is, this is not your issue

You don't have a filter, but I think that that's a healthy thing in a lot of ways It can get you into trouble, maybe make you have to apologize more than the average person but for me, it's saying like I'm actually going to say the first thing that I feel about this thing that we're talking about and I'm not going to run it through the how does this fit into my overall performance in this setting? Now it happens very quickly, right? And it's very difficult to decipher between when is this an authentic, I'm just speaking from the heart and just saying what I think and when is this my sort of curated thought? 'Cause I'm so good at getting to the curated thought very quickly Am I speaking from honesty versus speaking for effect Yeah so I would say practically those are the two things I'm not saying that I'm good at it

So for the first one I'm curious, is there something, maybe small, like an example of something where it's like, what was the mantra again? How do I feel about this? Be in the heart Be in the heart Can you think of a recent example where it's like, where you redirected in that way? Well I think it happens more often in, I think I'm trying to apply it mostly in my conversations with my family, or you know, and talking to my mom I think is a good example of like, in her recovery and then she's had a couple of little setbacks with some things unrelated to the ankle that have put her in the hospital and she's gonna be fine, but even in a conversation with her, not just being like okay, my role here is just the inquisitive, concerned son Mm-hmm You know, but again, I'm not good at it

And going from the stages, if you go back before therapy, I was basically unaware that this was a problem and now I've kinda moved into an awareness that it's a problem but not necessarily an ability to always act and change and I'm trying to move to a conscious awareness where I'm actually actively doing these things so that's, I don't know how long it's gonna take to get there That's what I'm working on But when you're on the phone, you're no longer just asking for the, give me the update What is, are you in, oh you had to go back to hospital What is the doctor saying? What's the next step? What's the plan? Okay let me know when you get the results or whatever, right, you're trying to move beyond just the practical– Yeah and it's not, again, it's not easy

I'm not good at being like how are you feeling about all this? It could be as simple as that, as entering into a real conversation So I don't have a whole lot of examples of like this is how I do it because it's more just like, I know it's a problem and I'm trying to solve the problem It's interesting because it's compounded, I would imagine in those moments because it's, it's a level of, for someone who's like maybe this has always come easy to them and that's not me either, by the way, so someone that's not either one of us that it would come easy to, again just like empathy or like feeling someone's pain is just something that just comes out of 'em This is my wife But so for you it's interesting that in making that effort, I would imagine there was a roadblock and I guess I've experienced this too that like there's an added roadblock of a self-awareness that's like there's a vulnerability to even trying that makes it even more difficult, right

It's like now all of a sudden I'm gonna, instead of hanging up and saying, "Love you, Mom," I'm gonna say, "How do you feel?" or I'm gonna make the decision to share how what she shared with me made me feel I'm gonna share that with her And then it's like, I'm gonna do this now and it's gonna feel weird to me It might feel weird to my mom It might, like what's my tone of voice when I start to exercise empathy? I would imagine 'cause we think similarly in this way that like we're so self-aware that when we start, you start to engage those things that like, all of these signals keep saying it's not worth it

Right, like even something as simple as like, what does my voice sound like when I'm more empathetic? You know? Yeah I mean it's, yeah I do think it's a separate issue but yeah, it's a compounding issue but I think that it's just something that is, I think that our self-awareness is what makes us good at what we do Yeah And it's why we can move into different environments It's why we can host a podcast the way that we do

It's why we can host Good Mythical Morning Yeah And it's, I'm not– You're aware of how the better we are, the more we're aware of how every single thing strikes a viewer We're pretty good at stepping out and observing exactly the way something that we're doing would be interpreted or understood or experienced by an audience That's entertainment

While simultaneously being in the moment as much as possible which does require a level of feigning it, as a performer And I think that being a good performer definitely works against all of this Mm-hmm, mm-hmm You know what I'm saying, I think that the people who are probably the best and the most embodied, they might be a great dancer, you know what I'm saying? If you take something that's like, dancing, oh you know what? Another, I'm gonna go back to your wedding again I did a little dancing at your wedding but not a lot

But again, I dance for show You know what I'm saying, traditionally I move my body in kind of a weird way and I'm doing it kind of to entertain people who are watching But– But I'm not dancing like nobody's watching And there's, what is the dance, Feldman? When everybody was circling your moms– The Mezinka The Mezinka

So everybody starts doing these concentric circles of– Oh that's the hora The hora Okay the hora Before it's the Mezinka, that's the crowning service and then, or the crowning ceremony when the parents, the last children of the parents are married off, they get crowned Oh when the last children of the parents are married off, they get crowned and everyone dances in concentric– Around them, kisses them and then it goes– Circles

And then our DJ mixed it into the hora And then he mixed it in the hora but okay so, it was a communal dance, which by definition is not about an individual's performance And it's funny because I felt, having never done it Yeah, I felt the same thing that I think you're describing which is like all of a sudden we're like linking hands with people Christy and then somebody I didn't even know and then we're doing these concentric, I can see you on the other side of the circle out of the corner of my eye I know that you're probably having a similar experience to me which is like, I'm doing this but I'm not really giving myself over to it Right? Yeah It's like, I'm conjuring up the, I'm setting my pride aside that this is about being a part of something

But I will say that even in that moment, I am doing it more than I ever have I am giving myself over to the joy of dancing in a circle Really And that's the exercise Yeah

Because yeah, 'cause the natural inclination is well, if the whole mob of people on the dance floor form a circle and then they want someone to go in there and show what's up, then it's like oh, there's an opportunity to perform It's like yes, I'm going to do that Well and I'm a little, I'm a little shy in those situations but then if the right opportunity strikes, I will go into the circle and make a memory for people But the giving yourself over to dance in a communal environment like that– And that's why in these, I haven't been to an embodiment workshop but an embodiment workshop does involve, you have– I have I've done it

Does involve freely moving your body in a way that is without self-regard Without self-consciousness Yeah, this is all related to what I'm kind of dealing with in therapy and I do think that our reputation, I don't know, again, I think that this is, this is definitely an issue for both of us This is an issue for everyone Everyone has this I am this kinda person and I don't wanna feel uncomfortable and I don't want anybody to make me feel uncomfortable

Everybody has their own version of what that is But I think in my family growing up, it's like, we knew, we kinda prided ourselves on being good at things and seeming like we know what the hell we're talking about and if we don't know what the hell we're talking about, we're probably not gonna talk about it But we think that we know a lot about a lot of things so we end up talking about a lot of things And it's like, again, yeah, and then there's the opposite of that which is just like if you just picture this hippie, just moving their body to the music at Woodstock, it's like, now first of all, because you're humans and we all have egos, I understand how, and this is what we're gonna get into when we talk about my hair in a second, when we finally get to my hair and beard, the act of seeming like you don't give a, can actually become very much that you do care a lot about how you're being perceived because it's very difficult for humans to parse that Okay

And it might be difficult to decipher between this person really is embodied and doesn't care about what people think about them, they look exactly like this person but this person actually is doing this because they care about what people think Okay I think, okay I'm starting to understand where you're going so just hit us with the hair therapy Oh, the the-hairapy Therapy That's what, the-hairapy

Hit us with that Okay, in trying to find other practical things that I can do to reinforce this sort of direction that I am moving as a person, in the same way that someone might wear, oh I've got this little rubber band that every time I see it, I think be in the heart, you know, there's some kind of physical clue or a– Maybe a tattoo of a heart Something that helps you On your heart No there's a word for that but I don't know exactly what it is

I think that if I look at a picture of the future me and it's the more embodied me, he has long hair and a beard, and a long beard Why? Well, you know, you think about someone who has thrown caution to the wind and is sort of just trying to be in concert with the forces of the universe and is a member, is an interdependent member of the global community, there's a reason that you see somebody with long hair and a beard and you're like, they're either homeless or Jesus You know what I'm saying Or– Or– You're saying enlightened? No, no, no no no no no I'm not saying enlightened by any means, I'm just saying that they kinda look like they're not trying a whole lot to get everything exactly trimmed up and combed in exactly the right way to then get into the mold that people expect

But I also think that– So you're saying grooming– There's a reason– There's a correlation between grooming and– I think this is pretty simple And yeah, I'm just, just to state it simply If you go to Woodstock, you didn't see a lot of people with buzz cuts and military-style hair cuts It was like long hair, beard, hippie, no bras It's a relaxing of standards and a relaxing of trying to hold some sort of mold and fit into a certain thing

Now, again, we'll talk about how, well they actually became, the counter-culture became the culture in a lot of ways and sub-cultures become oppressive cultures that expect people to do something to fit in We're not talking about that But to state it simply, a lack of, a loosening of outward perceived grooming is a reflection of more of an inward grooming Like spending your energy on not how other people perceive you externally but how you perceive yourself internally Yeah

Okay Yeah, it's the, again, it's the– Which is different than saying, I wanna become more woke I wanna be like a guru so I wanna look like a guru You're not saying that Yeah I'm not saying that at all

Now, that is the underlying reason, now– But don't say but yet Just one more, so, and you got excited about that thought because first of all, you wanted something physical that you could do for yourself I think that– And that's what you came up with I think that I feel like I'm in a pretty lengthy but very purposeful personal transition Been in it for awhile and I hope to always be in transition, right, but I kinda have a little bit more, last few years have been, the last decade has been pretty interesting in terms of figuring out who is it that I want to be? What do I want my life to be defined by? And I do think that some of that has come in, come more into focus in the past few years and so I think that this is just, this feels like sort of an alignment as you try to grab things in your life and align them towards something

An outward sign of an inward commitment Yes like baptism that we learned about growing up And now, I will also say that there are, because I am a person who's on camera and I do care about my appearance, I cannot help but think, oh, but it's also kinda cool to try something I haven't done this, I haven't grown my hair and my beard out I wanna see what happens

Let's see what I can turn into physically, like a completely superficial perspective that I'm not gonna lie to you and tell you that oh this is all about embodiment and being in the heart and that's why I wanna look like I'm at Woodstock No, it's also, I mean, there's a reason that, it's kinda cool You look at those pictures and those people were kinda cool, right, and so, I understand that that's, that is a potential pitfall in this whole process is that because it is about an external thing and then that could become some driving force and then I'm actually trying to be cool or thinking that I'm cool and then I'm kinda working against the whole thing Right, can you have your cake and smoke it too? Because if this was not, this is not about humility, 'cause I think we're all very clear on the fact that if this was about humility, I would shave my head and shave my beard and I would look like the end of a pencil, like an eraser And I don't have a chin that's worth talking about, and I just, I would not look, for some reason I did that on my wedding day, yes, but I didn't look good, and it would not be attractive to the average person

And so if I wanted to be humble I would do, that's more like a Buddhist tradition, right, is to shave it all off, you're kinda, you're dying to yourself You're becoming more like this other community There's less things that distinguish you from another person so the ego continues to die I mean this is something that's in many different religions but I think the Buddhists have it figured out the most And this ego death thing, right, and so I am interested in ego death

And continuing to tear apart my ego that is a source of a lot of my problems But growing out your beard and hair is not going to contribute to that I'm not, right It might do the opposite It might do the opposite

Because I agree, I think you're gonna look cooler It's someone who doesn't care but cares so much about, could be caring so much about not seeming like he cares That's cool And in this town especially where there's all types of people doing different things physically and they all look like they're trying really hard, even the people who look like they're not trying Literally the only people who look like they're not trying are the homeless people to be frank

And sometimes you see somebody in Silverlake and you're like, homeless or hipster? It's a game you can play And because there's a fine line And because you know, the unkempt beard and hair and ratty clothes could be like a cool thing in certain cultures So I'm a little nervous about that I will also say that I cannot guarantee that there will not be some other project or something that we commit ourselves to that means that I can't let it keep growing, that I have to cut it for some reason

I don't know what that is I have determined that the typical stuff that we do, Good Mythical Morning, whatever, is not going to be significantly impacted by me growing my hair and my beard out Now I'm gonna continue to get more food on my beard when I eat and eating is a big part of our show You gotta get better at that But I am trimming, so I tried to just send the mustache sideways but the nature of my hair is that it's so wiry and even with the strongest mustache wax I could find, it quickly goes back down so I will be trimming the mustache is the only thing I plan to trim, at least for awhile

I'm not gonna try to be shaping the beard into something that's like, oh that guy goes and gets his beard trimmed Maybe I'll do that at some point but this is really just about what's gonna happen But you're doing it, just to re-center here and just to couch the challenge that faces you You're doing this in order to care less about how you're perceived I would say that is a secondary reason

I think that this is a physical manifestation of something I'm trying to manifest internally Which is being more present, more out of my head and into my heart So as more hair grows out of your head, that's a reminder, I'm getting a little too technical huh? Yeah it's not like some super, I didn't go up to the top of the mountain and wait for a sign It wasn't like some, I had a dream and it is to never cut my hair again That's not what's going on

It's just like hey, there's a few things lining up here I guess when you really try to summarize it, I'm trying to be more, get more in touch with my feelings or say it different way, be more, live more from my heart than my head Therefore I'm letting my hair grow out If you just told somebody that, it wouldn't– I think I disagree with you, because I think that if you think about somebody, if you just talk about that idea of embodiment and you use the example of like what was, and I realize that the cultural revolution that happened in the '60s and the '70s was kinda rebelling against conformity and societal expectations and that's one of the reasons people are growing their hair out because it was like well men are not supposed to grow their hair out so we're gonna do that 'cause it's counter-culture But I think that that whole awakening and sort of being present and being in the moment that kinda came with embracing some eastern philosophies, I think there's a reason that you, there is a reason that you picture somebody when you, you see somebody with a military-style hair cut that's like all kinda like perfectly shaped and clean-shaven and stuff like that

That doesn't say to you that person's living in their heart I'm not saying– Okay yeah It's superficial because obviously you could have no hair and be in your heart Yeah, inward focus versus outward focus Yeah

Your own disposition Yeah And then so, and then one example like you're saying, a secondary thing of an outward focus would be people's perception of you So then the thing given our line of work is that you're gonna get more feedback, having changed my hairstyle drastically a couple of times, I weathered the storm of a cavalcade of feedback It draws more attention so it's like, you're gonna have to weather that

And a lot of that, some of that will be negative The reason why I'm staying out of this is 'cause first of all it's not my place to give an opinion This is something that's For obvious reasons that we've discussed for 40 minutes But also, I'm not opposed to it because I don't think it's gonna make you less cool, but I could be wrong and at that point, there may need to be an intervention But for now, I'm I'm quietly supportive from the sidelines I don't know how– But how are you gonna weather the storm of increased scrutiny? You're gonna be replying to comments? You're gonna be posting selfies of beard progress? I mean potentially yeah, that second on that I'm not gonna be replying to comments What are you talking about? People's critical comments? I'm just saying if this is an inward focus, there's gonna be a temptation because there's gonna be so much outward perception– Yeah you might say why didn't you just let this happen instead of talking about it? Well it's like you're already talking about it Not you but– But now what's the plan moving forward? Ear Biscuiteer

Are we gonna keep talking about, are you gonna post selfies of your beard growth because that seems, that seems a little counter to your– I don't have to post selfies of my beard growth because my beard growth is gonna be cataloged through all the work that we do I was giving a working example of just trying to highlight the challenge that faces you The more you wanna focus inward, the more people are gonna focus on what you've done different outwardly I personally don't, I'm not a huge fan when people talk about things in the way that I've talked about it today I'm just like just keep that to yourself, brah

But the reason that I'm talking about it is because, if I grow my hair and my beard out, there will be just lots of speculation Like oh, they have a project In fact I've already seen it They have a project and that's why Rhett's doing this He's gonna be some character in something that they're doing

A lot of people thought that my fake beard was back because my real beard long, especially with my mustache kinda brushed out to the side looked a lot like my fake beard So people are like, he shaved his beard off And it's like, if you're gonna speculate, at least you can know and maybe be even supportive of what my actual reason is You didn't see any speculative comments that went something like, I bet this is an outward expression of an inward reality as a result of investing himself in therapy Yeah I didn't expect that, that's why I'm talking about it

Yeah you're not seeing any of that yet And I'm also, I'm a huge advocate for it I'm a huge advocate for therapy for people who think they don't need it 'Cause that was me, you know what I'm saying? For people who are like, I don't have an acute mental problem or emotional problem or even an acute trauma that I'm trying to work through I'm just a person, just a human

And I realize that therapy is a privilege The fact that I can pay for it, I can afford it Not everybody can do that I'm just saying that for me, and it also seems like the most Los Angeles thing that you can possibly talk about is therapy I get all that, I grew up in Buies Creek, you know what I'm saying? I still understand what that's about

But I want, because it's been so significant to tackle these things personally, I just wanna continue to be an advocate for it So I wanna be open about it, I wanna be vulnerable about it, I wanna talk about the changes that are taking place So somebody else can learn before they turn 40 that hey, this stuff is very much worth dealing with Now I appreciate that

So when you see my long hair, long bearded self, you can just remember , I should go to therapy Yeah I really appreciate you sharing that It makes it really difficult for me to make fun of you but I'm still gonna try Also can you find me a therapist? I just, you know it's like, it's not easy Yeah

Of course I haven't really tried I mean I've– You don't have to– I'm very much in favor of it but it's such a daunting task to get off the dime I'm afraid that something, I'm gonna have to, I don't know, something horrible's gonna have to happen for me to say I have to get a therapist and that's not, I don't want that to be the case You can, there's many different resources that you can go and look at, in fact, this wasn't gonna be my rec– Oh let's go to a rec And I don't– And make this it

I guess it's psychologycom? Which we've actually, I think we've used several articles from psychologycom Psychologycom? You can go on psychology

com, go type in where you're at and what you need and what specific specialty you're interested in and then therapists in your area, their profiles will come up and there's a little bit of information about them and then links to their personal website if they have one and their contact information, including the insurance that they accept So yeah, and I'm sure there's other resources Again, this is not a sponsor, this is just a rec and I actually recommended it to somebody else recently and so I don't know where there's a specific section for that The website looks like it's from 19 frickin' 91 Yeah, you know, you don't have to be new school

But yeah I think that there is a– Therapist directory, yeah that'd be good Yeah therapist directory And a lot of therapists in your area will come up as you put in your information and then you can, the ones that support, take your insurance, I guess you can just call 'em or email 'em and tell them what you're after You can see pictures of people if you're the kind of person that needs to see a picture of someone to know what it's gonna be like to sit across from them I had another rec and I'll just save that one

Save it man, this is a good one Let's see, what should my therapist specialty be? ADD, addiction, adolescent, adults, aging, agoraphobia I'm not even through the As You're just in the As Yeah there's a lot

You don't even necessarily have to specify a specialty Yeah there's lots of, I mean– You are an adult, you could just put adult Adults Or you could go to a children's therapist, see how that goes I just put adults

I thought you went to a children's therapist He also, yeah, he does family and kids as well Yeah you made a joke about something you're actually doing All right, #EarBiscuits, let us know what, we gotta title this one therapy and, what does therapy have to do with Rhett's hair? You know, I appreciate the fact that we had a great discussion Oh I think why am I growing my hair out is probably more clickable though

It wasn't– That's what we're, that's what we're trying to do here I'm so glad this was meaningful and not just about your hair actually Oh What a relief Well thank you

I'm proud of us, I'm proud of you Me too, Link All right I'm really trying to feel I'm trying to be in my heart What do you feel right now? I feel– I feel like this is over

Yeah To watch more Ear Biscuits, click on the playlist on the right To watch the previous episode of Ear Biscuits, click on the playlist to the left And don't forget to click on the circular icon to subscribe If you prefer to listen to this podcast, it's available on all your favorite podcast platforms

Thanks for being your Mythical best

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