We Gave Our Kids A Survey About Us

Welcome to Ear Biscuits, I'm Link And I'm Rhett

This week at For me a totally new table, and Link the same table in his home We're gonna be talking about, actually we're gonna be going through a survey that we gave our children

All about, mostly us And they didn't hold back on their answers So yeah A survey about their unadulterated thoughts of one of the adults in their lives, us, their fathers I will give an update both for those of you who are listening, because I have every reason to believe that I sound very echoey 'cause I am in an empty room that literally has, it has a rug, and it has the one thing that has been delivered to my office over here, the creative house, my chair

You're in a white room with a white t-shirt on, this is your office at the creative house? Yeah, is actually not white It's like very very light lime green It's almost the same color as what is neon that you have on but not as bright But I didn't really think about– Okay Basically what happened is, as I was getting ready to shoot in my house and then I realized that there was a dude with a jackhammer there

I gonna sneeze, I'm allergic to jackhammer, Jackhammer, your construction, your pool construction The construction has resumed Because they're sending like one two guys over, they're doing it in a responsible way, masks the whole deal But anyway, jackhammers and podcasts don't mix well So I kinda threw everything together and came over here

Incidentally, just a point of nostalgia I am using the table The original card table that we cut a hole in for Good Morning Chia Lincoln and then was the original "Good Mythical Morning" table for a few seasons Well before that it was the, it was RhettandLinKast Live I mean, this is the first table we made videos from for YouTube

Oh, yeah, RhettandLinKast Live before that, yeah Yeah, years before Chia Lincoln And you're It's running great shape I'm glad we still have it

Oh, yes in my office, is my desk now As I wait for my desk to get here So hopefully he will– So, I'm going to this survey Just to the echo I've got some correlations in, I think there's gonna be some findings from each of these children of mine

And I'm interested to see what your kids had to say Some had to be more motivated to participate than others And I think that will become clear as we go through the responses You better believe it, now– Yeah I've got two children, an 11 year old and a 16 year old and it's very clear that the 11 year old was more interested in giving full elaborative answers

Yeah Than a 16 year old, which is just part for the course what you expect The only reason I had three kids was so now I can have more of a chance of picking an answer that I like on a survey that they filled out, which I'm talking about on a podcast You know, so– Bro, really what you're saying is that having kids is all about what it does for you Yeah, yeah

Yeah Yeah It's not about them, it's about us Yeah, I mean, you didn't have to spell it out But I think if I get that

I will say before we get into the survey had a little stuff that happened at my house I did a very very short just little teeny story on my Instagram that let you know about this, but I'm gonna tell you the rest of the story now So, we've had this idea, and I've heard of other families doing, I don't know if you've thought about camping like in your yard, as part of quarantine, right I thought about for a second, have not made any movements in that direction, though Well, Jessie brought it up and I was like, I think this is a good idea But I do know that it's going to require me to set the tent up and then blow all the mattresses up

I got it, I'm the dad I do all that right? Yeah And so But I was like, okay, she asked four or five times and we've been in quarantine for many weeks now

And I was like, okay, let's do it And of course, we don't even have any real grass We have artificial grass in a very small, the one area of our yard that has grass You told me where Barbara poops? Yeah Oh Okay

And pees, yeah Great place to camp and well it makes– In a dogs latrine What do you think happens in the wilderness that you normally camp at, multiple animals are defacating and– More spread out, it's pretty concentrated Micturating all over the place In that one environment

She's a small dog, if it was a Saint Bernard, we wouldn't be out there Be sleeping on some lopes And we've been doing another thing which I also recommend, we've got a projector that we've been watching outdoor movies on the weekends, we've been projecting up against the fence Okay And watch "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure," Not that excellent– Which I had to say say

No hold up We started watching that a few months back and like the kids are like, look at me like I was crazy And we had to turn it off No, its hilarious It's hilarious, your kids don't have good taste, I mean, it's okay

Hey, mark here, as have good taste Will find out in the survey You'll see in the survey how good of a taste they've got My kids love insights into the 80s and the 90s because they'd like to see what it was like for us And so like we watched "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure," we watched "Clueless" last weekend

They heated up and "Clueless" is great because Well, but actually both of them they take place in LA, so it's like they get to see it anyway Okay

So we were like, okay– I'm not gonna say your kids don't have taste That wouldn't be tasteful to say, so I wouldn't say that So I'm saying, okay, their taste is their own I was like, okay, well, tonight is the night we'll camp out And Locke just immediately says, "Well, I'm not gonna be part of that

" As a 16 year old this has been happening as the quarantine has gone on, he's just been kinda ducking out of different family activities and I get it Yeah, it's tough man, for He did watch the movie with us, he did watch the movie with us But then we're like, okay, it's gonna be me and Jessie and shepherd Well you know how sometimes things can be kinda hanging on by a thread and this something can happen that can just create– Snap The tension boils over

Oh, yeah Well, Shepherd, at the very end of "Clueless," the part where Cher is realizing that she's in love with her stepbrother Played by Paul Rudd I mean, this is everything has been culminating into this moment And all of a sudden Shepherd gets up and starts doing something with Barbara and everybody gets distracted

And then I yell a Shepherd in the middle of the scene And then he is in his dragon onesie with a giant hood, and then he puts his head over his head and puts his head down and doesn't watch the last scene So– Oh no He was upset, and then he's like, "I'm not camping "with you guys" And so I tried to talk him into it

Isn't it you and Jessie who gonna sleep in a tent So I ended up being me and Jessie and Barbara All night in a tent? Well, I'm not done yet So, we go out there and I'm out there for about an hour And I realized that I can't sleep and also, my back has been doing great, but actually that day, my back was not doing great

And so, I'm on one of those inflatable I'm not even on an air mattress I'm on one of those, like packable backpacking, very, very thin inflatable things, you know? And I was like, baby, I'm really sorry, but I think I got to go into the bed I mean, we're just out here in a tent, and the bed– You're so close to the bed Literally yeah, I can almost touch it

But I said– Yeah But you should stay out here She kinda wanted to, she was like, "Well, me and Barbara "will stay out here in the tent" She actually was like, she saw it as a test "Can I stay outside all night and sleep in the tent," 'cause she was kind of scared of what I don't know

Okay So my wife slept in the tent by herself with our dog And she said that was a couple of stressful moments where her and Barbara both woke up heard rustling I think we got rats coming down and eating fruit from that fruit tree in the neighbor's yard and I think one of them may have rustled up next to the tent I think that what happened is the one thing that makes the most sense, I mean, you're achieving spatial distance from your family, the only people that you've been in close proximity with for weeks on in

That's the thing about camping It's like, hey, we've been confined to this space only interacting with each other in person Why don't we move to another more confined space and be more uncomfortable and closer together? Yeah But really, I think what's happen is, why don't I go and live in another house, which just happens to be a tent in the yard? You're on this up? I think you should — Right Take shifts, just leave the tent up

And that will be– – But the tent is till out You got a place, you got haven that people can go to I might even come over there and sleep in that tent I don't know about that– I might be forced to But the tent is still up I tell this story as a way to introduce the fact that even though as we said earlier, you have your children to inflate your own ego and to carry on your own seed

Which I'm being sarcastic by the way, for those of you, for the 10%, who didn't get it They don't always do what you want them to do The moments that you try to create for your family, don't always come to fruition in the way that you envision And your kids they don't always react to you, or understand you in a way that you are trying to be understood And so I think that this survey that we we asked them some personal questions about us, illustrates the fact that they do have some formed opinions about us, but they may not be the opinions that we try to form in them

Yeah, and I've got my surveys laid out, Lily, Lincoln the middle child in the middle, and then Lando over here And let's just get into the first question Let's do a couple right quick 'Cause I think we'll just go through the survey and see what stands out to us The first question

And Kiko and Jenna helped put these questions together, and then we just read them and we're like, okay, I don't know what they're gonna answer, but let's just give it over to them and see what they say So, the first question is, what's your dad's weirdest habit at home? Which I feel like, puts a big target on my back, 'cause I know I'm a man of weird habits Lincoln did not answer this question, because even though I told him a week ago, I asked him to fill out this survey along with Lily and Lando Now, I woke up this morning and realized I forgot to ask him again last night

So I woke him up from sleeping Oh well To fill out this survey And then when I went in there, Like 30 minutes later, the survey was on his bed He was still on his bed and he was yet again asleep

So, it's a great sign, the first question has no answer Yeah That seems like the easiest one If you're my child, right? But you know what? My 16 year old did not answer that question either Okay, that's right

First question Lando said, "He wants to reuse," in all caps, "everything" Now, I was trying to figure out what he was referring to I mean, I've definitely been reusing freezer bags Turn them a ziplock inside out, rinsing it off, letting it dry and then putting some more stuff in it

I mean, I've been tempted to blow my nose and then wipe with the same square of toilet tissue I'm not gonna say I've done that Hold on Well, based on what I heard, while on a phone call with you and your wife in the background, she said, "You just blew your nose and wipe the counter with it" Or no, she told my wife that that's what you did

Yeah So you have done it Well, I wipe my butt with it Well, it's not a huge difference, it's an orifice Yeah, she happened to see me and I like, I wipe my nose and then I saw something on the counter and I had something in my hand and to me it was disconnected and I know you think I'm a clean person and I'm like neurotic about that

But, efficiency trumps everything from me And like Lando said, I like to reuse things So, then I had to watch the whole counter because Christy caught me doing that and it was just, I don't know why I did it It was it just something that happened Lincoln didn't answer

Lily said my weirdest habit at home is "Eating his morning smoothie out of a coffee mug "and sometimes a peanut butter jar" And I'm like, my best mornings are the mornings when I'm scraping the bottom of the peanut butter jar to make my smoothie and then I can just pour the smoothie into the peanut butter jar and eat a whole lot of, scrape the last bit of peanut butter off, and get that much more peanut butter in my smoothie Those are the best days You're a strange man I don't know where my coffee mug is

I drink my coffee, there's a mug, I'm not gonna dirty another thing I'm gonna keep using my mug That's not just for coffee Hold on so you put You like ration your smoothie into the coffee mug and over and over again, you keep filling it up Yeah, I fulfill it up, drink it, it gets halfway down Then I put the rest in a scrape the blender remains into the coffee mug How do you drink? You drink your smoothie like this? I eat it with a spoon

I remember that now Shepherd only answered this question What your dad's weirdest habit at home He takes a long time to poop Well, you're not pooping that long

You're just on the toilet Right, yeah I am self- isolating Why is that? That can't be the weirdest thing you do at home Well, I mean, I don't know man I'm not nearly as eccentric when it comes to do strange weird little things that I do around the house as you, I don't have like that "Nutty Professor" vibe

So– Great movie Yeah also "Nutty Professor" holds up But "Bill & Ted" doesn't It definitely As you see here are talking to you

Definitely Also, you'll see as we go through the survey, Shepherd is also trying to be entertaining which I believe he pulled off pretty thoroughly Okay, moving on to the next question and then we'll take a short break What's the one thing that your dad always says to you? Now, this made me feel First of all, I mean, in some ways luck and I have sort of the typical dad-teenrelationship and almost like a If you're a fan of "The Goldbergs

" We talk about how everyone in our family is kind of like a much more less characterized version of the different members of "The Goldbergs" And so it is a very typical family, you've got like the dad who's always yelling and getting upset about people getting into his stuff, walking around in his underwear So, I'm sort of a mild version of that at home, right And then you've got the older brother Barry who's like super into basketball and rap, and like has like, and is always talking about working out and all this stuff and like Locke is very very much like the mild version of Barry Goldberg Okay

And so– what did he say– I think You would always say to him He said that I usually say, "I thought maybe you weren't a moron" Oh That's what you said

I thought maybe you weren't a moron In first of all, I mean, That is harsh, surely This isn't something that I say on a regular basis, but it's obvious It's clear that has stuck with him But, we do have that very typical dad-teen relationship in which he'll do something and then they'll do it again, and then they'll do it again

And then my response will be like, I thought maybe you weren't a moron, which is a softer way of saying, you're a moron, but without saying you're a moron But listen, I believe in you that you're not a moron But you certainly are behaving like one at this point It sounds like you've given up, like at one point he believed in it But now, as a last ditch effort to manipulate the moron out of them

Murray Goldberg just yells moron, I don't yell moron Oh he does I just say the constructive thing I try to move you away from the moron And Shepherd answered this as "I think I got Corona

" That Yeah, I know you do that Which I did that a lot at the very beginning And now it's become a joke So, I guess now that coronavirus is a joke but different members of our family thinking that we have it as sort of become a running joke Anybody coughs, "I think I got corona

" Lily said that I always say, "Hey can you turn off that light?" I mean, I turn off a bunch of lights I feel like I have the right to ask someone else to occasionally turn off a light, especially when I'm already nestled into my spot on the couch, and we're about to watch another episode of "Survivor" together She's the last one, and we've been waiting on her, and then the light from the hallway, shines right into my eyes So when I'm watching television it makes my experience not as pleasurable So I'm like, hey, can you turn off that light? And yes, she has to turn around and go back and do it

But it's not the end of the world Lincoln said, the one thing that I always say to him is "Get with the program" Yeah– And I'm like That's a soft way of saying, I thought you weren't a moron Well, and it definitely implies that I have an idea of how things should go, like you were saying about the camping

I have a vision for how things should unfold and what's the most perfect way and it's a program And so, I guess I think of it as a program that people need to get with Now, I didn't know that I said this all the time But then Lando said the one thing that dad always says to him is "Get with the program" And I did not know that this — Wow

Was a catchphrase of mine I honestly didn't, so I'm learning something Apparently I say get with the program alive Yeah, you never told me to get with the program, but I have inferred that there's always a program So– Yeah, Maybe you just don't say it 'cause I'm not your child

No, you're usually with the program, that's good You're under my influence Well Get with the program Let's take a short break and get back to some more questions

I want you sell that shirt Look at this shirt, I really liked it Creativity through curiosity since the first day of first grade, 1984 You wanna, well Rhett and I can give each other such a hard time, because we've known each other for so long, as commemorated in this vintage neon green shirt available at mythicalcom

Lando, you like this shirt? True You wanna buy? I have to more shirts Apparently Lando has come over to spectate on the recording of Ear Biscuits Tell him to get with the program Get with the program When you ask him do you like this shirt? He has to say yes, because this is how his college is gonna be paid for

Rhett say this shirt is paying for your college Okay, mythicalcom More question next– What's the next question? On a scale of one to 10, how would you rank your dad's coolness? Oh man, this is a risky one, right? I think Kiko and Jenna wanted to throw us under the bus but this one Lily gave me a 10 and she even supported her answer

She said, "he gets to do something he loves for a living, "and that's pretty cool" So, the fact that I get to do something is cool So I don't know if she's really rating me as a 10, or my life from my perspective as a 10 Either way, I will take it Yeah, that's pretty generous

What does Locke say? Well, Shepherd said, "Like seven" So like seven Like seven Lincoln, incidentally, gave me a seven Okay, well Locke try to get cute and gave me a 6

8 So I've rounded that out to a seven 68 So, I got an average of seven from my children

Lando gave me a 10 And he also put four hearts and he clarified that it was a 10 out of 10 So yeah, I'm definitely Lando's favorite dad I think, he didn't wanna, Lando doesn't want to make me feel bad I don't know what his true answer is

Yeah, in McLaughlin household we specialize in making each other feel bad That's sort of like we're very sarcastic– That's love With one another Yeah, that is how we show love to each other That's an expression love

No one in a million years when asked, on a scale of one to 10 to rank a person No one's getting 10s in the McLaughlin household You have to do something incredible to earn a 10 and no one's done it yet Yeah, yeah It's an emotional love lick

Like– Right I've said this before my granddad Clyde He give you a nice firm, hit on the shoulder, or like a dead leg on the knee or give you like a firm pinch And that was his way of showing affection by letting you feel pain, just a little bit We caught it lovely legs

Well, we don't do that in my house, but– Yeah, don't do that in my house either Yeah, what would you do if you swapped roles with your dad? Oh, what do you get for this? Well, Shepherd said, " I would be completely "and utterly lost on what to do" Hey, you know what? That's probably true, right? He's honest, and then Is a hard job men I mean, I hate it, I almost didn't say this a lot, but it's obviously, I hate, Link

Locke knew that we would be doing this together and I think he thought this would be funny What would you do if you swapped roles with your dad? Fire Link Okay, that's funny He's funny 'cause– As usual Lily said, "Fire Lock or any of them McLaughlin's, "just kidding hahaha

" So, it's like she has that seems sense of humor, I guess But Locke, it'll never gonna happened Hold on, you're not joking, she said fire Locke? Yeah, I don't know why she thought, she must have– Fire Locke from what? For one to fire me I guess, she had a premonition I don't know why she wrote fire Locke– Yeah Locke guy is not even an employee

Maybe they consulted on their answers, I don't know Maybe they did Lando, what would he do if he swapped roles with me? He said, he would hand over the company to his brother And then I go over to Lincoln's answer, who did not confer with Lando And he said

Well, what would I do if I swapped roles with my dad? "Go bankrupt" So, no matter who– Confidence Either one of them, it's like we're in trouble is passing the baton to bankruptcy Okay, if you if you choose any guests to appear on GMM, which guests would you choose? Shepherd said, "I dunno Oprah?" Hey, that would be pretty good

It will be kinda weird to have Oprah on the show, but– It's just funny that a 11 year old Like Oprah hasn't really been Oprah for I'm saying, she just got her own like channel Like, where's he getting information on Oprah– Yeah That's what I'm trying to figure out I think Oprah is like a mythological creature to him, like someone who's just loons in the ether as being a powerful person in society, but he's never truly experienced it directly, I don't think, maybe he has

I dunno I dunno Lando said his younger cousin, that would be cute Lincoln didn't answer, and Lily this is no surprise She said, "John Mulaney or John Mayer

" I guess anyone named John at this point That's what she said Big fan of John Mulaney I think maybe we could get him on the show, I dunno Now, open invitation John Mulaney, come on the show

Yeah, yeah he should Interesting that Locke kinda chose like a comedian that he's kinda vibing with as well He said, "Theo von" Theo von is funny I thought that it was on point he was gonna be on the show

Maybe before all this happened There was definitely talk of him being on the show There is a connection with the publicist or something, PR firm, I think we have some sort of connection, but we haven't made a connection– He's a funny dude Yeah He's very funny

Loose cannon, you never know what he's gonna say Right But I like him, it'd be cool to him what's the one thing you enjoy most doing with your dad? Lando said, "Playing games," Lincoln said, "Laughing," it makes me feel good Lily said, "Watching Current Mood

" Again both big fans of John Mayer, so watching his live Instagram on Sunday nights is something that we now make an appointment to watch it live, so we used to watch it like late at night after The Fact But there's some about watching it live and that's our quality time together Yeah, so Locke in I have horror movie night 'cause he's really into horror movies His 16 year old-self, this is how he put it "Watching horror movies is pretty fun

" it's like, this is what I enjoy, it could you say watching horror movies It's gotta be like, watching horror movies is pretty fun I mean, it's not like incredible, but it's pretty fun Whereas Shep said, "Playing with the drone/golf," which interesting Link, we just got this drone that you've now seen I have now seen it

And we've only played with it one time I mean, I've been out like in Shepherd stands next to me, but I let him take the controls one time And apparently that meant a lot to him because it is his favorite thing that he does with it So, now I realize that, okay, we need to You get insights, he's like, really enjoying the drone It's not easy to control but it's not one of those drones that like the moment you get it, you're going to destroy it Slow more reliable– No, no Pretty good drone

What kind of drone is it? Is the Mavic Mini so it's the Especially like DJI, they're the ones that make all the best drones But this is like the small one

It weighs like, it's the same Without a battery it weighs the same as an iPhone, I think Oh wow

Ready with a battery, it's very, very light But, it can go In fact, it can go two and a half miles And so yeah, it has two and a half mile range But that's like a direct line of sight thing

So since, we live a probably a mile apart or so, Right when I got it, I was trying to send it to your house to spy on you in your backyard Like, oh there's a drone, Imma keep this But I just started going to your house And it just said signal loss and I was like, oh, go down Break comes down

It once it loses a signal it returns home How much that thing run you? It's a nice– Yeah, it's for 400 bucks 400 bucks I would have been a little more careful if you'd have told me that when I was using it Do you thought it was

Dude, it's a nice drone Modern you know It's a nice drone

Yeah, it was just a little, little, and is about as light as an iPhone, so I'm like You thought it was one of those like you get it like the mall for like 40 bucks No, it's not it's You just went in to see the footage from that thing Oh, cool, well, here's is a test of knowledge I reviewed some of the footage We asked each person, how much does dad weigh? I was curious about this So I'll start with the oldest, how much does dad weigh? Lily said, "Approximately 266 jars of peanut butter

" That's funny That's Way too much, if you do that conversion, that's way too much Lincoln said, "190 to 250 pounds" That's joking He dunno if he thinks that fluctuate or what? I don't know that he was joking

Hold no, hold on, did he inherit your inability to perceive numbers? I think maybe he did I think maybe be he did That's its crazy Lando, said, "I don't know if this is right," question mark question mark question mark, but ironically, he is the most accurate in my family with 130 pounds I weigh 160 packets

I was kinda close Yeah, you're— okay I think you were the closest, Locke should know right? Yeah, well Shepherd said, "125 to 150" So not true– Little low, little low Locke said, "220 pounds, 14% body fat

" Which, incidentally, that was accurate Totally? Exactly accurate Well, Locke and I are like, he knows this because we talked about it, like I got my like in body– Okay Like analysis done, actually right before a quarantine But I've actually lost 10 pounds during quarantine

Because I've been walking like nuts– I've lost, at one point I lost 10 pounds And I don't know how or why, and this was after a couple of weeks of getting delinquent and not working out, and I guess not eating, and just wasting away a little bit So once I started weighing, once I realized that, I started eating more snacks and I gained about five pounds back So, I lost 10 pounds of muscle– Equal stats And I gain five pounds of snacks, that's where I'm at in this situation

Yeah, but I've been looking at my walking and I've been walking an average of four miles per day during quarantine Wait Yeah Just I mean, we've been going on walks I think it's a combination of that, and then I think it's because we've been eating out so much less, that you just kinda make a plate of food for yourself and then I kinda just eat it

Where if I go to Like we go out a lot, when going out is a thing and it's get a little appetizer Oh get a meal

Let's go why not get a dessert, get a little latte, get a little cappuccino And I just think that 'cause I'm not doing that, my calories have gone down So yeah, so Locke was almost exactly right, but not anymore Is there something– okay Your dad does that annoys you? Locke gave me the very typical answer, which is, "Tell me he can't wait till I have my own kids" Oh, that's another catchphrase from you

Which again, is we have so many stereotypical conversations, like will be in the middle of something and I'm like, this is a conversation that I have seen take place in media, television and film And I never thought that we would get here that you would be doing the very teenage thing And I would be doing the very dad thing and literally saying with meaning, man, I can't wait to you have your own children But you just want grandkids that's really what you mean, right? Yeah, exactly Man, isn't that a weird thought? Us having grandchildren

Man, I get weirded out thinking about my kids, like Lily having a child It's just gonna be I think that's when I'm gonna fill old

I think that's what's gonna do it But grandad status Man, I don't know if this survey is making me feel a little old, is making you feel very trope-ish Lily said it annoys her when I chew really loudly, that's no surprise Oh, you wish you to put that as your answer

Lando wants a normal person Lando wants to change his answer Lincoln said it annoys him when I make him do his crap for him Well, I don't make him do my crap, like moving the trash cans around or like washing some of the dishes or like turning off a light, that's not my crap It's just the crap, it's all of our crap that I'm the only one who seems to care about besides Christy

It's like, why is that my crap? Yeah, the idea is that we're trying to get them to understand that it's their crap Unless he was talking– Again About this survey which– I can't wait until– To share– They have their own kids Yeah Lando says it annoys him when I

He says, "when he tells me," quote, "another way to do things" Yeah, I get that He'll be doing something and I'll swoop in and say, I try not to say, let me tell you the right way or the perfect way or the best way or a better way

I just tried to say another way Apparently that technique doesn't work Okay, I'm taking the note I don't know how to take this note because Shepherd said, "his farts smell real bad" What do you expect? I mean, yeah, I'm just a human

And by the way, last time I checked, Shepherd smell worse than mine Maybe he's projecting Yeah, when all you eat– I dunno what the boy is is roll balls and Pringles chips Your farts tend to smell a little odd

Yeah, I don't know, I mean In fact, many times, I'll come into the room and say, did you just fart? And he's like, "How did you know?" I was like, well, because I can smell it son He's like, "Yeah, it was like seven minutes ago, dad

" I was like, well, that's technically just farted in my book Oh, really? If a fart lingers for seven minutes, then It shouldn't be more than four really I think you got to alter your diet if it lingers more than four minutes

Okay It just needs to kinda Now if you're crawling on the floor, it's gonna settle there, and it's gonna stink for at least eight minutes down there and like, down there at the floor, 'cause that their heavy

Is that what happens to farts? Yeah, hot farts kinda they go up and then they kinda come down, and they just form like a nice fog So, I wouldn't crawl a little It's the opposite of smoke But I thought, methane goes up Does it? I'm making this up

Actually, I don't know methane may go down But I think it goes up 'cause it's a greenhouse gas Okay, do you think the relationship your dad has with your dog is weird? Shepherd said, "No, because if he has a weird relationship "with Barbara then I probably do too, "although his is a little extreme" Oh, okay, he's taking into account how all this reflects on him I think the thing is that everybody in my family, I mean, Locke said, "Slightly," but everyone in my family has a very similar relationship to Barbara and that there's lots of baby talk

There's lots of kissing, there's lots of Barbara licking people's mouth sometimes– Yeah The inside of their mouths Oh gosh That's what the McLaughlin's do, we don't– You don't close your mouth when you kiss your dog

We're part of the pack, we're part of the pack I think for the same reasons Lily and Lincoln said, "Nah," "no," Lando said, "a little" It's a little weird, my relationship with Jade See, we tried to get some compliments here What's your dad's best trait? Lincoln did not answer this, Lily gave a backhanded answer

She said, "He's pretty smart for a YouTuber" And of course, Lando– That's good Who actually loves me He said, "He cares for me," but then he clarified, "not meaning that he takes care of me" And weird, 'cause he's like having another child in the house, it's not like you're actually– Yeah, I– Yeah, I care about him, but I'm — Christy cares for him

Christy cares for him, yeah, that's right Christy is actually raising him, you're just being his friend Shepherd said What's your dad's best trait? "He can make anyone laugh" So, I'll take that That's thoughtful And then Locke gave the 16 year old version of that, "Comedy" he just said

Comedy Comedy Best trait is comedy I just said comedy If you had to choose one person in your family be stranded on a deserted island with and survive, who would you pick and why? I'm gonna say what I think your kids said, and you tell me what you think my kids said

Okay I mean, all this apocalyptic and post apocalyptic and survival talk I do believe that that translates from our conversations and also carries over into your home conversations 'cause things are arriving at your door and you got to explain yourself, and you're probably proud of it So, I think the kids know that you got like some prepping tendencies I just think they would both choose you even though Jessie's the only one with enough valor to stay all night in the tent

True Well, Locke actually chose Shepherd, which I thought this was sweet because he said, "Shepherd because we would never "run out of things to talk about" Kinda threw up on under the bus, but how do that make you feel? But Shepherd said, "my dad because he has the most "meat on his bones and experience in life" So he would eat you? Yeah, well, he would take advantage of my experience, and then when I expired, he would eat me So he's definitely thinking

Yeah, he's a smart kid Let's see what your kids– What do you think they said? I can't see your kids picking one another I think your kids picked a parent I think Lando picked Christy, and then your teenagers picked you Lando said Lincoln

Whoa, okay "Because I want him to be like Kenny "He never will be though" Now Kenny, the first season of "Survivor" that we watched to season 17, and there was this professional video gamer is what they called him, competitive gamer named Kenny And he turned out to be a conniving survivalist until he got a little cocky

So for some reason, Lando thinks that Lincoln's got that in Lincoln pickes me He said, "Because he has some survival skills" I mean, we've been camping So, I feel like when we go camping, it does all hinge on me

I'm not as helpless as one might think Lily said, "Probably my dad," pum! Because I feel like he remembers the most from that show "Man vs Wild" Yeah, back in the day, this is like— Everything that you know is from that– Six years ago, we did go through a little stint of watching "Man vs Wild

" And we talked about it occasionally I don't remember any of it So, she's gonna be crushed Okay, this is an interesting one Who do you think is your dad's favorite child and why? Now

Again, this is definitely not true I will say that But Locke has this perspective He's like, he literally says all the time "Why does Shepherd get away with that? "I would have never gotten away with that

"Why do you let him do that?" So, that's a very common thing So, his answer was "Shepherd because it's obvious" And I think that there is something to the second child getting away with more than the first child And 'cause that's why you're kind of like, I don't know, we tried really hard to get you to do things And I mean, it didn't necessarily work

And so, we're a little bit more relaxed with the second one And so, there's a bunch of resentment from the older child Again, very common thing Is interesting, I actually feel like Lily gets away with more or in this household, especially in this environment, where it's like me trying to get the kids to do my crap, like chores I think Lily is the one if I'm totally honest, that I let off the hook the most, because she provides the most, I'll just call it feedback

Whereas the boys they'll be more resigned to what they're doing and like washing the dishes or something It won't be discussed and commentary on why they have something better to do or something that they need to do or there's not as much resistance But what did the kids say? Lando thinks that Lincoln is my favorite Because he's quiet And my oh, that's a good point

That's a good point, I don't know, maybe he is my favorite I am fond of the quiet Lincoln thought that his favorite was He said, "Me because I'm the most like him" And I think Lincoln and I, I mean, at his age, I was quiet too Of course, I was the only child, and I just didn't have anybody to talk to, if a tree falls in the forest, and no one's there Yeah, I do think we're a lot alike, I mean, we have very similar sense of humor in the type of jokes that we crack, in the expressions we make, the way that our face looks when we express ourselves Like there's a lot, we see a lot of each other, and people point that out a lot

So, that's two votes for Lincoln And then Lily said that my favorite was Jade "I don't think an explanation is necessary" So, two votes for Linc and one vote Jade Yeah, Shepard said, "Barbara," with no explanation

And of course, Lando, Imma go on record since you're sitting here, I'll say, of course, you're my favorite man Because you're here, and the other two can't hear me You know that, but you are my favorite sometimes Sometimes, it shifts, right? Yeah, is whoever's with the program Right, whoever is most with the program

That's how you dish out your love I mean, Lincoln and I are a lot alike, Lando melts my heart the most, and Lily and I have a lot of fun together So, I think I mean, it does move But I'm not gonna say that I don't have a favorite Like, parents will say, why don't have a favorite I'd rather be more honest and say he jumps around Well, that's not really having a favorite though

That's just being in a better– Like, what's your favorite song? Your favorite song can change from week to week Depends on what I'm doing That's right Yeah, but that to me, that's another way of saying, I don't have a favorite No, because I feel actively like, oh, you're definitely my favorite, I'd have thoughts like that in certain moments

Yeah, I don't go there Maybe because I've got two, and it feels too competitive between the two If I were to do that, you got three so it feels like you can kinda move it around Do you think your dad is old? Point blank question Brace ourselves for the brutal responses

Dude, I didn't get a lot here Shepherd said, "Kinda," and Locke said, "he's getting there" Yeah, Lando said, "No, you're mean to ask that" Lincoln said, "Almost," and Lily said, "nah" So, I feel pretty good with this scorecard, could have been a lot worse on this front

Yeah No one came forward and said we were old Well, I mean, my kids So, it was getting there– Getting nearly– Kind of But you're not there yet Right Maybe we'll never get there Okay, I thought this was interesting because I have gone on record is talking about my favorite color and not having one

What is your dad's favorite color? Shepard said, "When I was a little, I repeatedly asked him "and got I like all the colors multiple times" So he grilled you, and Well, the funny thing is like, I don't think that I ever said specifically I like all the colors What I said is that I take issue with the question of what your favorite color is, kind of like what's your favorite child? It depends on what we're doing, it depends on, if it's like what I'm wearing It's like, well, what else am I wearing? Where am I going? What kind of room am I in? So, I've gone on the record is just saying gray is my favorite color

Because it feels like it's just all the colors put together But for some reason, Locke has not picked up on this And he just said, "Green" He say green It's a strange world that we live in when you feel like you need to go on the record about something like what's your favorite color? It's like we said things over time, and then we have mythical beast who kinda track what we say and how our stories morph over time and things like that

So, that's kind of part of what you mean, right? It's like, well, I'm on record, saying that I'm gray So, now I gotta stick with that And before Shepherd says you're on record, all the colors, very inclusive Yeah, but I think that's his interpretation of my actual philosophy I don't have a favorite color, Unapologetically, my favorite color is blue, which Lando knows, and in Lincoln knows

Lily has no clue what's what she said Never talked about it I don't think she value, she's like you, she doesn't value favorite colors Yeah, color is subjective literally That reminds me though, I was watching

I can't remember what it was I was watching some reality show where there was some kinda dating element to it And it was one of those things where they were showing an interview with the woman and she was saying like, "He's such a great conversationalist," and then they cut to the footage, and the guy was like, "what's your favorite color?" Now it's like, this woman is starved for a great conversation, if she thinks what's

Don't ever ask what's your favorite color on a date Like don't do that I think a lot of people– Don't answer that question

Would determine whether a question is a good question if they have a good answer So, maybe she had like a really amazing answer Well, what's a good answer besides a color? I mean, at least it's an opportunity for me to give my philosophy on color choosing, but I still don't think it's a good question No, you could paint a word picture you could say, the delicate, changing of the colors of the maple leaves in early fall, when the sun is setting in the west, as it always does, and I am dozing off for a nice little nap in the wood Yeah, well, that's a good answer

But I'm saying that the question is a red flag Not that this episode is about dating questions But we were telling our kids the story of our engagement, which we've told them before, but like sometimes we go back through and tell them the story of our engagement And we're telling this original story, which sets up being at the Macaroni Grill, you know the whole story So, we're talking about the first conversation, like extended conversation that we ever had

And then Jessie was talking about how I was asking all these questions And then she talked about how one of the questions I asked was, if you could have a superpower, what would it be? And 2020 In 2020, I don't think that's a good question, like dating has changed, but in 1998 that was a pretty good question

But you got to update your question game You know what I'm saying? Like people were just starting to ask like the superpower question 20 years ago, you can't be breaking out the superpower question on a date, much less the favorite color question You gotta get new questions Right like if you trim your toenails, and then you realize you need to trim your fingernails, do you start trimming your toenails and start trimming your fingernails and then go back to your toenails? Do you finish your toenails and then go to your fingernails or do you wait until later? So, that some of that toenail gunk can just kinda mellow out before you hit your fingers? I don't know, that's first date material maybe third What is your favorite memory with your dad? You're asking me this? Sure

What's your favorite with your dad? That's a different like an episode My dad took me to a Travis Tritt concert one time We'll do that later And George Jones came on the screen and sang the "Star Spangled Banner" That was at Walnut Creek Amphitheatre

Pretty cool Which question did you say favorite memory with your dad? What's your favorite memory with your dad? Oh, Lando say, "Kidspace" That's when we went and we were climbing up in that thing, right? Yeah, I thought about that as like a highlight of the year, year before last I'm glad you remembered that, thank you son Lincoln's favorite memory with my dad, he did not answer

I mean, this is page two– Makes you feel good Yeah, I know page two of the survey– You did wake him up You woke him up this morning Lily said her favorite memory was, "Watching Supernatural," which is a show that she was very into at the time, "when we were on tour" Yeah, I mean, Lily just love

She talks about it all the time about, last summer when Lincoln and Lily went on tour, she talks about that all the time And then there was one time when I think we were staying in a hotel room one night And I was like, tell me about this "Supernatural," and so I got into the show with her She was kind of explaining, she would show me one of her favorite episodes, and she kinda explaining it to me You still into it? No, but I do understand why she's into

Shepherd said, "Us going bike riding when I was little" And, he didn't pick a specific time It's just that, I guess me teaching him how to ride a bike, which happened in California And then Locke said, "Hiking Raven Rock" Really

So, this is going all the way back to North Carolina, which I honestly did not really remember that I had taken them down to Raven Rock, past Lillington I guess we hiked it a couple of times I'd love to go back there man He had to be like five years old at the time Oh, cool spot, a lot of good memories

I'd love to go back make that hike once we can do that– Well the interesting thing about this is this is one of my favorite memories with my dad is And we would go all the time, it was very regular thing To Raven? Yeah

Oh, cool He would be like Like after church on a Sunday he'd be like, "Let's go to Raven Rock

" And we go and we walked down to the rock It was like a mile hike– Walk back up Through the woods and then all of a sudden you get to this ledge and there's a whole rock that then you can They built stairs that you walk down the stairs on the rock space A hundred stairs Are safe and then– Wood stairs You're down at the Cape Fear River And an amazing rock formation

It's awesome I mean they are truly amazing, like overhanging rock formation This is also my specific favorite memory from Raven Rock was when my dad took us down to the fish traps, which is the longer path that takes you down to the upper rapids Right And he threw me into the river to teach me how to swim in the river

I just got up next to the river and there was a little chute, little wrap in the chute and the rapid kind– Really Just like picked me up and just threw me in there and I just washed down the river Which is not necessarily something I would do with my children now, but it's probably one of the reasons I like swimming in the river That's cool What is the most stereotypical dad thing that your dad has done recently? Lando said, "Take the ice cream at night and eat it

" So, we've been getting special Ben and Jerry's flavors, and they've been monitoring closely how much is left in each one, and sometimes they'll go to grab it and they'll be like, just a little thin layer left And they knew there was more than half before 'cause I snuck in at a night before, and I ate some I do that, I own that I mean, it's ice cream in the freezer What am I supposed to do? let somebody else eat the last of it? I'll eat all of it except a little bit and then hey, you at least get a taste

That doesn't strike me as a stereotypical dad thing, that's sort of like a teenager thing, like eating the last of something and leaving a little bit That's something my teenager would do Okay Lincoln did not answer, he was really running out of steam at this point Apparently, he was already on and off

And Lily said, "Organize the garage" That is my domain I'm due to get another organization It's piling up in there Shepherd said, "I can't really think of one "but I think being a dad "is a pretty stereotypical dad thing

" Having children I love the way his mind works– you're dad Locke said, "Talk about his knee tendinitis," which I really don't think I've been talking about my knee tendinitis very much I mean, I hurt my knee severely So, okay there you go In January

Yeah, so talking about a general injury or start talking about something that hurts, I guess that's a typical dad thing And I do talk about things hurting a lot because things do It's part of it Yeah Okay, What is one thing you've always wanted to ask your dad

Again, Lincoln was out by this point Lily said, "What is the real reason "you drink smoothies out of mugs?" I did not know this really annoyed her The reason is 'cause it's already dirty, and it's stable to pour stuff into it without the glass tipping over I mean, I have lots of reasons for everything– Is stable That I do

Lando wanted to ask, "why did you fart, "when you do?" When you do If he had his way out I would never fart And I'm just And it's my house too Yeah So why do I fart when I do– Do you guys– 'Cause I have a fart to fart Do you guys fart audibly in front of each other? I do, Lincoln does, that's it Nobody else does

Really? Yeah, everyone in my house does There are different types of households And I guess there's a spectrum 'cause you're kinda in the middle, and you've got almost half do and half don't I love it Shepherd said

The one thing he's always wanted to ask me was, "Why can't we get another dog?" Well, he's asked me that many times So, I guess he's just putting it in here for one more go And this is very interesting from Locke

Do you actually like the way beans taste? Oh, yeah Which this is getting at This is an interesting thing, right? Because there is kinda what you were getting at before, which is when you live your life as a form of entertainment for people, you say things and you do things, you say and you do things for show

So, I've talked about how my hatred of cats, I mean, I'm a dog person, and I don't want a cat and I don't particularly like cats But a hatred of cats is something that came from A hard take Being in character Yeah And so I don't hate cats

But it's fun to make people think you hate cats because they get their panties in a wad and it's entertaining to me All right, so is that true for beans? Are you back to Locke word? You don't like the taste of beans? No, I do love the taste of beans And– Really? I love the taste of beans Do you have any idea how many beans I've eaten and how many beans I've made during this time? Okay, hey, I think we're all happy to hear it On Saturday, I made a giant pot of beans and most of my family eats them as well, it's not just me

But no, I do like the taste of beans legitimately I like to taste the beans, that's not an act, is not an act Seems like Locke should know that though, If he lives with you Seems a little suspicious I found it interesting that he asked the question in that way

But it's true, I like beans What is your dad's favorite thing to do with his free time? Okay Locke had an interesting perspective on this, "Stress out about work" That's true So, that's his perspective is that I'm stressing out about work

Interestingly Shep said, "meditate/ work more "He is like a working machine, it's insane" Wow They both think that you work a lot or worry about working a lot And it's funny because I think that they

'Cause I've been at home Yeah There's no real work day anymore

And so even on the weekends sometimes I'll be like writing something or doing something And a lot of times you're like, "Hey, dad, "can we do this? "Or do you wanna do this?" And I'm like, hold on, let me finish this, or I got to do this right now And I think they're just getting this perspective that he's always working Which I do work probably more than I should Lando said my favorite thing to do in my free time was, "Nap

" Lincoln said, my favorite thing to do in my free time was, "Sit in the hammock" And then Lily said, favorite thing to do in my free time was, "Sleep outside on the swing" So– So, my kids think that I work a lot and your kids think that you sleep a lot Yeah What does that tell you? Probably tells you something that I didn't want you to know which is I sleep a lot

When you're thinking about work, I'm swinging and sleeping Sorry man, sorry man You know what, keep it up, don't change the thing It's cool, great No, I won't

Okay, and now finally Okay, last question If you could pick one celebrity to play your dad in a movie, who would it be and why? Lincoln and Lily bowed out on this one This is the Holy Grail, this is their opportunity to really let me have it Are you hearing that Nicolas Cage is gonna play the "Tiger King?" "Tiger King

" Yeah I hope that's true I hope it's true I hear both, he'll be great Lando said, "I would pick Hannah Gatsby

" The Kiwi stand up comedian who had the Netflix special He said, "Because her hair is like dad's" Your youngest son picked a woman to play you I mean, he's getting on the Rachel Maddow bandwagon, but he's taking it up a notch But no, no, here's the thing, Lando does not have it in himself to insult anyone So, he's not doing this as a joke

He's doing this as his honest take is that Hannah Gatsby would make a great Link You know what, that's great, you know what? It's great I watched a little bit of the special and then we got distracted by something I never went back to it but I will take it as a sincere complement Well, this would be an interesting set if Hannah Gatsby did play you because Locke said, "Jason Momoa

" Oh gosh Go to your magic Jason Momoa Jason Momoa and Hannah Gatsby Hannah Gatsby

That's a bon coming Shep said, " Link because it would be interesting" So, Shepard likes the idea of us doing something where you play me and I guess I would then play you No, I will play you and Hannah Gatsby will play me That's the take

Well, then that would just be twins like Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger That's wasn't though, there's no irony in that That's not the point in that movie, but I have not seen that movie, so I don't know– It will be twins– if it's true Without irony Yeah

I don't know if twins holds up, so I can't say, I would suggest that So, what did you learn here? What did you know? I mean, our kids I think our kids are much more a level ahead than we are

Some of them were wise enough to know that they didn't need to fill out all these questions in order to win our love, they know that it's conditional And that may not be the best fathers, but we love them unconditionally We love them with everything we've got Actually, I didn't get any of that from the survey I'm just trying to project

I would say that I didn't I mean, I didn't learn anything groundbreaking My suspicion that my kids pick up on things like the trope-ish dad things

Yeah Those are the things that loom large in their memory So, I need to be less trope-ish I think I'm gonna make a short and says get with the program That's good, I like that

Okay, thank you to our kids for filling that out I'm gonna close with a wreck And I'm going to wreck Mike McHargue's book Yes "You're a Miracle "and a Pain in the Ass: Embracing the Emotions, Habits, "and Mystery That Make You You

" Now, you know we had science Mike McHargue, our really good friend on GMM recently for the leaving things in citric acid And, both of us talked extensively about his book on our social medias Because I'm not exaggerating, and I'm not just saying this because Mike is a friend, but this book is, I think very timely, given the fact that there's an opportunity for introspection right now, you're spending a lot of time Well, with ourselves is a lie With yourself You're always with– With yourself Yourself but you're not We're sitting with ourselves a lot more And I think things are coming up, it's like what? Why am I feeling this? Why am I acting this way? And a lot of those questions are answered in a benevolent way, so you can be kind to yourself as you begin to understand– Yeah Parts of yourself that you didn't previous I mean, the one of the reasons I love Mike and I love this book is he approaches things with like diligently researched scientific standpoint and it's not

There's no whoo in this is, it is like, this is stuff that is factual and true It's not some fluffy self-help thing It's like, this is what science tells us about people

And this is how those facts about people and humanity translate into you and your tendencies, both good and bad And it's extremely compassionate and non-judgmental I think, you could reading a book, understand why you're a pain your own ass, it could be indicting, but he has a great way of it And this is who he is, as a person, it's like, he's loving and accepting it And that translates into how you process yourself, which is very powerful

And a lot of times you don't know that you're a pain in the ass to yourself You're just mad, you're mad at everybody else, you're mad at yourself And you haven't even stopped a process like, oh, if I take a one step back and get perspective on this, that anger a lot of times will just kinda melt away when you gain perspective So, get it wherever books are sold "You're a Miracle and a Pain in the Ass

" It's also on Audible, read by Mike He's got a good soothing voice So, it's a great audible listen as well All right, #EarBiscuits Let us know if you wanna also conduct this survey with your own kids

Or if you don't have kids, you could, somebody else that is meaningful in your life It's a fun exercise So, I invite you to think about doing that yourself Maybe we can post We could post a link to these questions that people can print it off for the kids in their lives Yeah, let's do that All right, we will see you next week To watch more Ear Biscuits, click on the playlist on the right

To watch the previous episode of Ear Biscuits, click on the playlist to the left And don't forget to click on the circular icon to subscribe If you prefer to listen to this podcast, it's available on all your favorite podcast platforms Thanks for being your mythical beast

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