Rhett’s New Feline Friend

Welcome to Ear Biscuits, the podcast where two lifelong friends talk Ah, there you go, see, we built it up so much– about life for a long time I technically didn't mess it up

I just paused in the middle Yeah You kinda had a burst I just stopped And I picked it up

I'm Rhett and I'm Link This week at the round table of not as dim lighting in our secondary, but special location we're gonna talk about the questions that keep you up at night That was the prompt that we put out there into the world You know, we put these prompts out into the world, on our Twitter feed, follow us on Twitter @mythical

Twitter feed If you wanna see what these things are, if you wanna be a part of it, if you want to hear us say your Twitter handle and then rip your contribution to shreds or not– That's not gonna happen, it never happens super appreciative I'm going to lodge you with praise So we go, we go through these things– For your thoughts

You know, we'll come up with these prompts or Kiko or Jacob will help us come up with these prompts Sometimes things that might lead to discussion, we have no clue what people are gonna say And then we're, you know– No, I do, link We sift through it I've been a student of the internet for so many years

I know exactly what kind of responses we're going to get Well, did you know that the responses to what question keeps you up at night could be pretty heavy Yeah I mean, we live in heavy times Yeah

And then once we were going through them, I think we just had a different, we had a different vibe Who was that, rapper? We didn't pick the– Who was the rapper? The heaviest ones This conversation we're gonna to keep it light What was the rapper that had, Heavy? It was a– Heavy D? Heavy D Heavy D and the Boys Heavy D heavy– I think there was a Z– Heavy times would be like the perfect comeback album for Heavy D right now

He is dead Oh, That'd be quite a comeback! That'd be– Yeah, that would also, if someone has died and then they make a new album, "Quite a Comeback" is a good one Of course there's a lot of people putting out post-humus albums, Yeah, people think Tupac's still alive I know, well, I mean, what do you think of the new Pop Smoke? I've heard, I've heard my son talking about this I can't say I've partaken

I only know one Pop Smoke song I mean, if someone's dead, I don't really wanna get into them Lincoln was a huge fan of Juice World before he died And then it's just, it's so sad now, you know, I thought you said you didn't want to be heavy You're did! I was talking about Heavy D coming back and you said he was dead

You coulda lied to me You could have said, yeah, yeah, yeah He's back What was that Heavy D song? What was the song? He had like song or two, you know, it wasn't great He had a, his voice was kind of like his voice, he kind of had a newscaster voice

It was interesting Huh? The way that he rapped, you got an, he had a newscaster, kinda– Never thought of it like that Kind of lilt to his voice I have something that I need to catch you up on, you and you– Do it So some of you who may follow me closely on, on the Twitter, or even follow my wife closely on the Twitter, know that we tend to get into these little back and forth and sometimes she'll take a picture of me doing something stupid or whatever

And a couple of weeks ago, it may be a few weeks ago By this point, she took a picture of me with a feline, which is the technical term for a cat Now you might know that I typically, I'm not fond of cats I was one hypnotized to try to like cats And I couldn't

I tried, I gave it the old college try and I have stated clearly that I don't hate cats, I just strongly prefer dogs, right? Lots of theories about why this is I think you've even said that, so the times when you assert your hate for cats– It's kind of a "bit" It's a, it's a comedic assertion Yeah It's fine

It's based, it's one of those things that, it's based in the truth that I prefer dogs It's a heightened degree I wouldn't, you know, I would not own a cat or have a cat as a pet If you don't like the term, "own" for pets And some people have been like, people who don't like cats are full of themselves

They want somebody to worship them They're afraid of rejection, maybe all that's true I don't know But I do prefer dogs more However, my wife and I've been taking a lot of walks during the COVID and I don't know, six weeks ago? Walking past this house that we have walked past many times and a, what do you call the cat that's like an orange striped cat, Garfield? I thought that was a Tabby cat

I don't know I'm not a cat expert I don't know much about– Let's just call it a Garfield-like cat, makes a beeline for us as we're passing this house Okay Like coming at us hard

And at first I was a little bit like, when a cat's coming at you hard, I mean, somebody like me who's not typically scared of animals It's like, what's this guy gonna to do? What is it called? Orange cat breed It is what you have is what I've seen What breed are orange cats? Tabby Orange Tabby You're were right

Persian munchkin, American bobtail, British short hair, Bingle, Maine Coon, Abyssinian An Egyptian Mau– It was like that It was like your classic short haired That one right there, that's it! Yeah It was like the cat I had as a child, Thomas, who only came to my house Thomas? and visited me in the shed out back whenever he felt like it

Hmm So anyway, this Tabby cat approaches us and begins to Meow loudly And again, not being a cat expert I don't know exactly what this means, but he does not seem to be aggressive at all And then he proceeds to– At both of you or just you? Both of us

Then he proceeds to do that thing where cats rub up against your leg Okay Ostensibly to say, "Hey, I like you" "I love you" And this doesn't happen often with cats and me or cats and people that I knew of

Hm mm And, but I'm immediately sort of into this cat I mean, I gotta be honest Oh! Yeah Right there on the street

And again, this probably, fits perfectly the theory that people who want to be worshiped and loved and are afraid of rejection like dogs more and if you can find a cat that's doglike and wants to love you, worship you and not reject you, then you feel what, you love the cat back That's me I'm shallow So this cat– I wasn't gonna say it Is really, is really going at my legs, really begins to have an affinity for me

I get down on my knees Were you wearing shorts or pants? I don't walk in pants Were you're wearing, like, we were in that carpet suit from way back in the day that we have? Nope, just my straight carpety legs, were the things that this cat was rubbing on and my wife got a picture with it Not a great picture It was dark

I was looking down, but she posted it on Twitter And I said more to come I actually, I think I tweeted something like, "Breaking news I have found a cat that I think I like," or something like that I did see that

So let me just tell you that we began to really, I began to always want to walk past this house Oh, a tryst And this cat, seven out of 10 times would be there, no identifying marks, other than it's what it looks like No leash– No collar Okay No leash, of course it wasn't carrying a leash, no collar

And it would just come out into the road And I mean, But it would always come from that house, even though it didn't have a– Always come from that house, like he would be in that front yard of that house Sometimes he would be sitting on the steps and also– People feed feral cats When we walked with Barbara, it would come up to Barbara like, "Hello friend,– Seriously? on four legs" And Barbara, you know how Barbara reacted to that cat in the video, Barbara was indifferent towards this cat, but did not growl did not hiss didn't do anything

Wow, there! It didn't bark– Neutral territory not not your home, that's what people are saying in the comments And I began to really like this cat and I actually began to think things like– I'ma steal this cat? Well, I thought that a little bit I wasn't gonna admit that No one would know I started to think, I think I could have a cat

Boy, wouldn't that send waves to the internet I mean, maybe I think a little too highly of myself– Hmm? But at least through the fandom, It would send a ripple through a subset of our fandom Right And so, and then one time, the last time, most recent time I saw the cat, Jesse and I are walking He comes up, he does this thing

I pet him He's purring, he's meowing And then we start walking and he's like, "I'm gonna to walk with you guys," just starts walking with us Oh Walks, a full block

And at that point, I'm like, do you really wanna keep walking with us? But I mean, this is a four mile walk, bud And he seemed to understand English and he sorta slowed down, turn around But I started to think this is, we live, you know, there's coyotes around, you know? And I've seen, in our old house– Coyote will get a cat I once found– Or a little dog I think I told this story on Ear Biscuit in times gone by, I found a half a cat, just a half a cat in my front yard one time

Hmm, yeah Right So that's what coyotes do to cat They take half Hey, you were halfway there, way back then, you just didn't know it

They take half, they leave half You're a cat lover You know, And so I was worried– I love cats, but I love them in their whole form Especially, and it was just the back half of the cat, which– Yeah, I remember The coyote takes the interesting part

So I was worried about this cat I was like, you just can't be befriending everyone Look at you with emotions, towards the cat! You can't just go up to dogs and people, you can't just trust people I felt I had like a fatherly instinct to be like, let me, you need to watch videos about strangers and vans and stuff So carry a picture of a coyote next time you walking past

Just the other night Oh no Is this bad? Jesse and I are walking Getting ready to get up to the house, get to the house on the post in front of the house, there is a sign What? It is a picture of my friend

And it says lost cat You stole the cat I did not steal the damn cat The cat is gone Oh no

And, uh– Both halves? I'm assuming The cat's gone And then I, then on the rest of our walk– The cat didn't have a collar The cat didn't have a collar! I noticed– Did people make– Other signs– A sign for a cat? If you care enough to make a sign when the cat is gone, you should care enough to give the cat a collar before it's gone I just think this cat didn't need a collar

But anyway, there's other signs all throughout the neighborhood Dang And I was just like, what does this mean? I don't really believe that the universe is telling me things, but I do find it somewhat helpful to just assume the universe is telling me things I find that a useful way to live If God, I'm gonna to say, God– Sure

I think that's interchangeable– is gonna tell you something I think that's interchangeable with the term "Universe" For you? Then he's gonna tell you something I hope it's gonna be, not about a cat

Well, I mean– If the universe is telling you something, what is it? And why is this about you? I'm just, well, because I'm– Somebody lost a poor cat I'm interacting with this cat, so– Okay In my world and my point of reference– Okay I need to understand, that's a weird question to ask I'm just messing with you

I'm trying to figure out how I should interpret this sign You know, I was moving towards a cat I was opening my heart towards a cat I was enjoying time with cat And

And, and now cat has gone Cat was taken from you And listen, I listen, I feel for these people, but that cat is dead

I mean, I interacted with that cat long enough to know that that cat in our neighborhood, that cat is not around anymore You thought, but– I mean, maybe somebody did steal it– You did say, for a second You thought, I'd like, I wouldn't like a cat I would like this cat And I will, in one time, Barbara got out of our house, you know the story she, she literally, somebody stopped and saw her walking down the street

They opened the door and she jumped in the car with them That is the kind of dog that Barbara is And that's the kind of cat that this cat was So it's a lover It's not a fighter

And so it will, it tried to love a coyote And I think the coyote gave it a special kind of love back Again the collar thing reduces the level of sympathy But I do know that there are people who will feed feral cats and they will consider it, they will have a relationship with them, but they won't– Well yeah– Let them in the house, they won't– This is clearly that kind of relationship Yeah, we had a guy who was moving out of our neighborhood, who was friends with Christie, through the gym she used to go to and he was like, listen, I know you guys live near me, a couple of streets down the hill

This is an odd request, but we're moving Do you want our cat? Would you– Would you feed our cat? Yeah Would you take care of our cat? Cause it's a, it's a feral cat It just, it runs through the neighborhood, but we feed it and she shows up every morning and I wanna bring her to your house and have you feed her and have her start showing up at your door? Like he was really concerned about this cat Hmm

You said no? And I guess, you know, you can't have it both ways I would think it would be weird if that cat, a feral cat, who you just happened to feed and have a relationship with, when it goes missing, you would put up signs to then what? Bring it back so you– So it will come back But it goes off, it's a free cat That cat– Well, hold on The short life it lives– I'm not a cat expert– Was a full life, man

I'm not a cat expert, but I– That cat! I tend to believe, that feral cats in the, in the traditional sense are not as people, they don't come up to people– That is strange, yeah And meow– Yeah, that's strange And rub on them, this is a house cat This is a cat that has it both ways This is a cat that gets whatever it wants

This cat definitely was on the inside and the outside And you know what? This is like a cat in a halfway house You know what I'm saying? I think we can celebrate the cat's life And we don't have to feel sad because– Halfway house that is a– That cat had it all Half

He's in half right now That cat everyone, it met It just, it just showered with love I mean, no offense to you I don't think you were special– It lived a full life

In that sense No, it ended up, it ended up developing a special bond with me You were a giant dude walking a dog If it came up to you, that cat would come up to anything You're right

It would come out to a coyote My dog does the same thing My dog has no loyalty to me and I still love it My dog would have gone home and just started a new life with that other family I know it for a fact

So you– Never thought about us again Okay, well maybe that cat, did you name it? It has a name And it's on the sign, but I didn't wanna say it because– I don't want to– Oh! You know, I don't like people making connections with it It had a name, but it didn't have a collar With the neighborhood and that kinda thing

It still doesn't add up I don't think I'm missing anything, am I? It's just doesn't I think it's pretty simple You gonna post signs when it's gone, you need to give it a collar before it leaves Yeah I think the cat is just, was a loose, they were holding onto this cat very loosely and they lost grip

But for you the cat was an angel leading you to the love of the feline I didn't know where the relationship was going, but it was going places very fast And I was just letting my heart just take flight I wasn't– It ended all too soon

I was rerouting my path to this house I was spending quality time with the cat I was getting pictures with the cat Hmm– Are you okay? I don't wanna gloss over that I don't think I'm okay

Because I don't think I'll find another cat like this You won't I know for a fact, I mean, first of all, if you don't like kittens, you don't have a heart You're not human if you don't like kittens, like no-one's like, kittens suck Right? Kittens are awesome

I got to have a kitten But the chances that the kitten turns into a regular cat, Pretty high So high So high And at that point it's like I'm not interested anymore

I want the animal to love me I'm getting emotional support from this animal I mean, when I do my stretches in the morning and Barbara gets on me I need that I become dependent upon that

You know what I'm saying? When Barbara leaves or Barbara dies– Hmm She will be replaced potentially with a clone of her or probably just another dog A lot of responses to our prompt of what question keeps you up at night, were related to dogs They were, a lot of people are kept up at night thinking, what does their dog think of them? Hmm No one thinks about what their cat thinks of them

Cause I think– They know Right We already talked about that on an Ear Biscuit so for all of you, who Did we not devote an entire Ear Biscuit to this? To what your dog is thinking? Yes I think that was what we call– Somebody recently– A rabbit hole episode You guys– So look back, look back through that if you really wanted us to discuss that, because we're not hitting on that today Somebody recently said because it is happening so regularly now that we've got so many episodes of Ear Biscuits so many episodes of Good Mythical Morning and Good Mythical MORE that we will have a conversation about something– The bidet conversation! And we're like blown away Yeah

We talked about the bidets last week or week before, whatever they were like, guys, you did a whole episode on GMM where you highlighted this product You really do forget an episode as soon as it's done, don't you? And the fact is there's just so many Yeah Yes, I forgot I saw that

I saw that I knew that they existed, but I didn't, you know, it, they didn't exist in my accessible world Well, the interesting thing about that, because the memory did flood back when I saw the little segments from the show, we were wearing fake butts and we were testing strange– Ah, yeah Butt products and one of them was a portable bidet And it was different than the one that I got

Did you look at it? Is it– No, I didn't watch it You didn't see the picture? Mine's in the bathroom in there I got it here It's like a teal color and it's got a longer wand on it And the wand doesn't fold down

Oh, my wand folds Okay I'm pretty sure the wand doesn't fold How does the wand not fold? What happens then? It's just, don't squeeze it until you're ready, I think Okay

So here we were squeezing this thing on each other's fake butts over our pants, which had our real butts underneath And we were just talking about how, I mean, the sin I didn't watch it, it was a GIF

So it wasn't anything to listen to, but we were just talking about how strange it was an oh, how we have changed Oh yeah, we love it now As we said, get on the train, we did it And we don't even remember when we thought it was weird That's how revolutionary

This is two episodes ago because I Yeah Yeah Well, cause the other thing people pointed out was– That's how much it can impact your rectum Our conversation– And your life About Tao

Yeah, that was another one It's someone was like, guys– Give context– On Good Mythical Morning a few weeks ago, we did a thing where we tried a bunch of different– Levels of Chinese food– From, super inexpensive Frozen To super expensive and the super expensive restaurant that we got the food from was called Tao And I talked about how I went to my friend's birthday party They were super fancy whatever

And Link was like, why didn't I go? And I put you on a guilt trip And I said– I said, why didn't I go? At the time, I didn't remember So I figured that you were invited, but I thought it would be funny to act as if you weren't invited So we had that conversation People were like, it's funny how often people get, try to read so many things into the things that we say to each other

I love it though, that's why I'll feed into it But they were like, "Link is really upset about not getting invited to Tao" Yeah, I was so upset You were at, he was invited to Tao He couldn't go for some reason

The irony– It was 2017 Yeah Oh, that was deep A long time ago So many years ago

The irony of my joke is that I know it elicits that response, but the joke is predicated on some people's assumption that whenever one of us does anything that the other person should always be invited Like we're always there Well, it's like when people find us in public and they say, "Where's Link?" I'm like, "I don't know" Find us in public fine

Yeah, or Either one of us Right They ask where the other guy is

It's like, I could be anywhere in the world– We can do things– And that 90% of the time, if I'm by myself, it's like, "Where's Link?" I don't know I don't track him You know what I'm saying? But we are together a lot and every time they see us we're together So they just assume that must be the way that they exist We are together a lot

Yeah But I've never been to Tao And we totally forgot that we had that conversation, which at that time you were like, you were invited And I was like, yeah, Christie was invited, but then she forgot to tell me, and then she forgot about it And we made other plans

But do you know, think about how impossible it is, it would be to have a brain that could access all your memories, but also at the same time access the venue at which you access those memories publicly We've had so many conversations on Ear Biscuits, on Good Mythical Morning, et cetera But we've also had a lot of conversations just in life, amongst friends with just the two of us here, and that part of the brain that would be able to catalog every single memory and also attach a little flag to it that says that conversation happened on Ear Biscuits Nobody except a very advanced yet to be invented, artificial intelligence could be able to do that But we have it

We have a brain extension and it is the mythical beast Right That's true Fandom That remembers these things because of all of them out there that are talking on the Mythical Society that are talking on Reddit– Yeah, it's a talking base, for sure

They're accessing, binge watching and just having this, it's very fresh to them And they can remember it because if they hear us talk about something and they've heard us talk about it before, it's easy to remember that I've heard that story about the Chinese restaurant before Because they don't have to know exactly where it took place even though this person who found it did know exactly and then cut it out but– I do think that, and it's changed how we talk about things because we've come to grips with this reality slowly over time I don't know exactly how you feel about it, but I know that I am overly sensitive to it

Even like I made a comment after our last Ear Biscuit, I was like, you know, I'm not happy with, I don't like referring the stories that we've already told or retelling stories that, and you're like, hey, people like that, because it gives them a sense of if you're referring to something that they missed, it's like, hey, I should have been listening earlier I should have been, I should have been a part of this in every new thing we talk about is something that then can be a reference point later because it's part of our lives And even if we forget it, you can help us with it But– If they remember it, then they feel like they're a part of something, they've been around So I think the way that this phenomenon has impacted us, or at least one way is we kind of own the fact that we do things for comedic effect that, and it seems it doesn't denigrate our sincerity, but it's, it's just strange dance that for the longest time, we would just, we told the stories, we put it out there and then you tell the stories later and they're a little bit different or they morph or whatever and we talk about how memory changes and we give ourselves the excuse, but basically there's also this, like you said, about the cat thing

Years ago, we wouldn't talk about the cat thing in that way And I think that's part of the phenomenon of the constant communication with our listeners is that they know us better than we know ourselves sometimes And so, hey, it's like, oh, we just said that for comedic effect or, you know what, we forgot that So I filled in the gap with something a little bit different or whatever the case may be Or there was an example of the, I don't know if it was, I think it was the wired autocomplete interview that we did

And all the comments are, basically, we were in one of those weird moods where it's early in the morning in New York City And we did that interview and we usually take a super, sarcastic tone when, when it comes to any of that sort of those interviews that are done in that way Cause we're just here to be funny, right And we almost get so committed to sarcasm that we make a mockery of the whole thing And so people who watch the comments are, "I don't think they told any truth in this

" "I think that they were joking the whole time" And then if you don't know us, the tone switch between being sarcastic and being truthful, especially for me, there is none, there is no tone switch It's exactly the same You just have to, you have to be on your toes But there's a little tweak

There's a twinkle in the eye Yeah You= But you gotta really know it Yeah Yeah, but usually it's the context of what I'm saying is how you know, whether or not it's true

And then sometimes I'll watch something back and I'll be like, yeah, I seem serious there, but I wasn't I get it If you thought I was serious there, I don't blame you So I don't know But now we're just turning this into a self-analysis podcast

But we do that too much Let's just announce it Let's analyze other people's brains And what keeps you up at night But first we don't have them with us

And this is one of the disadvantages to recording here at our secondary location But we got a new product We're always doing things that are just, we're trying to do things to mix things up We got something called the color changing mythic cups We got it's a four pack of plastic cups that when you put cold beverages into them or just liquids, you could put poison as liquids into them

Just don't drink it It will change color Change color I mean, we sell the only cups on the planet that do this It's a proprietary science that we have we've monopolized

Now see, that was an example of sarcasm I'm sure there's other cups that do it, but they probably look stupid and they're not related to us So buy ours And that was truthful mythicalcom

There's other things besides cups as well We're actually– Sip your boys! We're actually thinking about selling a cup for a baseball player as well, that changes color when it gets hit with a ball Did I just get hit with a ball? Yup Or it changes color when you put your balls in it Are my balls in this thing? Yup

There it is, it's red Okay It's gonna be red Well, it can be any color you want Let's start with a question from, look at this– Why don't a cup– Yep

You know how you got truck nuts? Have a fake pair of nuts Have a, sports cup shaped like big nuts Like, were you whispering to yourself? I'm thinking out loud What? I wanna, wear a cup next time I play baseball that the actual shape of the cup is two, it's got two, two– Two places for nuts? Two bulbs It's the double bulbed– Well, in order to have a double bulb, but you've got to have a ridge in the middle and now you've got a ridge in the middle of your scrotum, which is not something anybody wants

Not everybody's nuts hang the same way Not all everybody's nuts are the same size Why are we talking about this? Because I think there's white space in the cup world The cup vertical I think we can definitely wedge into the cup world

Yeah, and– And Rhett and Link cups available at mythicalcom It's where the cup is shaped like nuts, truck nuts And maybe we got some that are just one nut because some people got one nut Some people got three nuts

Well they need to get together So you can average out– some sort of foreign exchange situation Okay First question is from Caleb W Francis

We're big fans of Caleb He a– Funny, funny, funny guy! We got him on TikTok and now we follow each other on social medias of different sorts He's got a question He went to the beach I've been following his Instagram stories

I think he took like a full cross country trip apparently Oh I saw him on a beach The beach at one point, he got to a beach Why do we only get two sets of teeth? The first set only lasts like five to six years

And the second set is supposed to last a possible 90 plus years Hmm Seems like we could use more sets of backup teeth Oh, now Caleb, thank you for responding You know, you're a public comedian, you know it, you gotta, there's this moment when it's like, okay, am I gonna respond to somebody, some other creator's prompt? It's like, okay

If he considers himself just a fan and he respond in that way, then as a mythical beast, boy, that makes me feel good Caleb I'm glad you're in the fold And if you did it just because for other reasons, I'm glad he did anyway You know what I'm saying is if you still wanna use this teeth- bit as a funny TikTok– You should– Still do it Right

You know, In fact it may even be cool for people who connected to Yeah See if you can do that Now, this is a great question Two things come to mind for me

The first thing you know, you've heard this, you know that elephants have a certain set of teeth, number of sets of teeth And then when the final set wears out, they die And that's how they know they're supposed to die My teeth are gone and that's not actually how it worked, I just can't eat anymore But the second thing that I think about is I often think about when people get their teeth knocked out in a sports hockey, whatever, just maybe an accident with a Weed Whacker, it happens, right? Yeah

And the only thing I'm thinking about when somebody gets their teeth knocked out as an adult, I'm like, that's it, those teeth are gone forever Like now that you're gonna have some kind of denture situation Uh, huh? Now it's one thing if you get dentures, when you get old, but when you're like 22 and you get your front teeth knocked out, it's like, damn, you got to get dentures now, right I mean, maybe they got some sort of technology They're pretty good at that though

Yeah I don't think it ends up being that big of a deal now But think about the old days, let's go back before modern dentistry Poor wooden teeth Wooden teeth, man

But even before that, let's go back to– Get people's teeth– Let's go back to like the cave people Think about how devastating it would be Like you get into a fight and you're like, I'm gonna punch you in the face It's gonna break your front teeth And so for the rest of your life, on this earth, you can't bite a turkey leg

Well, not if you only knock a couple out You can still bite a– You can't bite it in the same way You're gonna be a side biter And if you got a little mouth like me, side biting is difficult I don't want– I think you should have backup teeth

I mean, I don't know how many teeth Caleb has lost It seems like he might've lost some adult teeth I think they're wearing down I see a lot of old people Yeah, yeah

It's not about wear and tear for humans as much as it's just about– It would be nice to, what if it happened like a shark They just kind of lining up like in a Coliseum to drop down You know, I am not with you on this one, Caleb because if there's anything I hated in childhood, it was getting my toenails cut But if it was anything else, it was a losing teeth Man, losing teeth was like pulling teeth for me

It's horrible My aunt Vicky, I went over to her house I would let the tooth just rot out and it would just, it would have to fall out on its own Yikes But she would get antsy and she would say, "Come over here and I'm gonna wrap it up in a Kleenex and yank it out" This is where being an only child gave you a disadvantage in this area

When you have siblings, they do things like tie your tooth up to a three-wheeler, you know what I'm saying? That happened to you? No, but that's an exaggerated form of the kind of things that happen, you– Did Cole do something to you? I don't have any specific memories I have more like I've watched this happen on the internet type memories and I'm sure that we did something like that Did you enjoy pulling your own teeth? I enjoyed right after it was pulled Because it's annoying for it to be loose? Yeah It's like having this weird thing in your mouth and you're like, I gotta get rid of this thing

Like a jostly, hanging rock? There's a sense of euphoria when it comes out and then– I never experienced that After it comes out It's like, oh, that didn't hurt You know what I'm saying? It's like– But it's, it's bloody and it's fleshy under there And the color of that pulpy flesh is just gross

Don't look at it It's in your, you have to really make an effort And then, then a few hours later you gotta eat something This is why I still have my wisdom teeth, by the way, you know what I should have had those pulled decades ago Well, you don't need to worry about it now

And now it's like as long as you keep them clean So I, I try really hard, but I don't If I had to look, if it wasn't like, Oh, you know, middle-aged, about to get my old man teeth, they're wider And so for every two you lose, you get one in its place or something interesting like that I don't know

It'd be something to look forward to But the losing thing, even at this age, I've never pulled any of my children's teeth I can't believe that Lando, he would get so annoyed with them He would, pull them out He worked up a lot more courage than a normal child's behavior

But Lando's a lot like me at that age, there was, there was a lot of just nervousness Right? So aren't you a little surprised that he's just, yanked it out? Yeah So I'm proud of the guy But it's because he's got brothers and sisters, even just the presence of, of siblings has an impact on that kind of thing That's my theory

But I don't think you're talking about pulling teeth– I talk– And the tooth fairy– The tooth fairy would sometimes wait over a week to come and get that tooth from him The tooth fairy doesn't visit our house I don't know if he knows where we live I think this is more, this situation that I'm getting at, which is you accidentally lose a tooth for some reason, right? I certainly hope this doesn't happen to me in my adult life, but it could Wow

You really fear this? I would say I have a rational fear of getting my teeth knocked out First of all, just whatever happens that you get– Does it break off or does the root come out too? Depends on the nature of it, man Gosh I'm thankful that we live in modern times and it will be a relatively easy thing And I've got plenty of friends who were like, oh yeah, these whole half of my top teeth are fake or something like that

And you know, I didn't have no idea, but it's interesting because evolution has, doesn't have an awareness of any modern technology, right? So evolution is just happening– Blind Blindly and based on people's environments and adaptations and so for whatever reason, it was not seen as advantageous to have another set of teeth But you have to know that lots of people are losing teeth And now in the modern world with sugar, basically just sugar, you got tooth decay that also evolution was never prepared for, right? So you've got like certain cultures that are living in the Amazon and all of a sudden they're introduced to modern foods And then they're just teeth start falling out because they have not coupled eating sugary foods with modern dental hygiene Hmm

You got to have both of those together And even sometimes if you do, if you don't do a good job cleaning those wisdom teeth, they're gonna have to pull 'em out someday So I don't know, I don't really understand why we don't have the backup teeth, but it was just determined to not be worth the genetic effort I'm so thankful for that The thing about wisdom teeth is you pull those out and they don't wanna come out

That's what's been so scary for me All these years Yeah My father in law pulled mine because he's a dentist And, and he just has a wanton desire to yank something that– He loves it

That is perfectly at home where it is, out Well he loves oral surgery in general And in my mind, he like had one leg up on the dentist chair It was like one of them was so, my roots were twisted– Oh! And my head was like, Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Like you know, he was like I was having to hold my neck back And it makes a popping sound when it comes out I don't recall The only way I would do it is if I was drugged so aggressively

Okay This, this next question, this is a head scratcher I think I do have an answer though that, or at least something that can guide us This is from ZylliesServant? Yeah Syd

If a blood donor kills someone, can the person who received the murderer's blood be convicted of the murder based on DNA evidence? This is why blood donor doning is anonymous So you can't frame somebody Could this happen? It doesn't matter if it's anonymous, because let's just say you just received a bunch of blood and then you got mad at somebody or there was just some justifiable reason that you wanted to kill somebody and you did it and in the process you were stabbed and you bled on the crime scene Could the DNA of the blood, let's just say you got like a, almost a full blown– Point the donor? Transfusion Yeah

So, we're not scientists, I think that's been made abundantly clear, but we do know how to read articles on the internet Well, I didn't read any articles So go ahead and give me your best guess and I'll give you some scientific guidance afterwards I think that your, let's see, DNA I mean, there's certainly DNA in blood because it's just a cell

They all have the DNA But to me, it has to, if you did it immediately, like you got a huge freaking blood transfusion I would say it would have to be like 90, over 90% of your blood would have to be replaced because I think somehow you get, so you gotta have, maybe I'll say 65% of your blood has to be replaced And then– You're getting very specific, for non-scientific discourse– You have to murder somebody within, I would say an hour And boy, that's tough to get a blood transfusion and then murder somebody? Yeah, you're pretty weak at that point

That would be so bad ass But you walk right out of the hospital and just kill the first person you see Or just do it right in the hospital, kill the person who is giving, who is saving your life There's irony Yeah

But that we're not gonna really need much of an investigation if you kill the person in the hospital that next to you giving you blood That's true, okay Well, I'm glad I'm not a criminal You know what– I'm glad you're not a detective But I think that your blood assimilates very quickly

Foreign blood is accepted and the DNA is replaced, or there's just not enough of it I think that's what it is So– Has to be quick and it has to be a big transfusion I think you're basically right Oh, thank goodness! Scientific American has this article from 2009 by Michelle Gong

Michelle N Gong, an assistant professor at the Mount Sinai school of medicine, explains So we've got an assistant professor Well, I mean, that doesn't, she's probably a professor at this point Sounds like a TA to me

Um, so basically I'm not gonna read this article, but it seems to be the case that there's not, there is DNA in blood and blood that has been transfused, but it is almost certainly going to be overwhelmed by the DNA of the recipient Like, so in the, in the crime scene, now you're kind of talking about like, just blood everywhere Typically DNA evidence is like hair, skin cells, saliva There's more than just blood, right Hm mm

But even within the blood, and I guess, if you replaced 90% of your blood, I don't know what the case is But typically if you just go and receive blood because you needed a blood transfusion that did like a certain percentage of your blood It says that donor DNA and blood transfusions in the recipients persist for a number of days, sometimes longer, but its presence is unlikely to alter genetic test significantly Basically once you go and you start– It could happen though Analyzing the DNA, the overwhelming DNA signature will be from your existing DNA, right

But literally if that one situation of where you just basically are full of donor blood and it's got the DNA, now it says something about transfused blood, red blood cells, the primary component in transfusions have no nucleus and no DNA What? Transfused blood does, however, host a significant amount of DNA-containing white blood cells or leukocytes around a billion cells per unit, roughly one pint of blood Red blood cells have no nucleus and no DNA? So, yeah, so you're not saying that there is not a DNA signature there, but there's gonna be red blood cells You're gonna have some red blood cells Are you gonna, there's gonna be some DNA there and then yeah, your body quickly assimilates

I don't know what that process is like and how the DNA gets overwhelmed and replaced But I think that the chances of that particular situation of somebody getting all their blood, killing somebody and the majority of their DNA being left at the scene is just more blood We probably never had the opportunity to experiment with that specific scenario I'm sure there's been somebody who's they've taken like a pint of blood that's not theirs– With them? To frame somebody, but you gotta, forensically, you gotta be real smart about that But I think you should, I think actually– The spatter, I've watched enough CSI

I think you take hair, spit and some skin If you really wanna leave the mark of somebody else, but getting that from a person is difficult You wanna receive a blood donation, a hair donation and a skin/spit donation, and then kill somebody If you coordinate this right You could do it

Right, first of all, you got to develop a relationship with their barber, right? Yeah You can get lots of hair from a barber and you can come up with all kinds of semi legitimate reasons why you would need it I'm gonna make a to sweater for my kid Did you know that the most comfortable pillows are made of human hair? You don't wanna tell the barber something that seems like a great business idea It needs to be something personal, not something scalable, like hair pillows

Yeah I wanna do a, one of a kind hair painting for that guy who was just in your chair, who I'm actually framing for murder You know I wanna give him a hair, hair, painting gift I believe that this is one of the scenarios where you saying exactly the truth Like sometimes in movies, like the killer will say exactly the truth and it's so outlandish that it just, nobody takes it seriously

If you wanna frame this guy for murder, I'm about to commit Right And they just give you the hair and you walk out Yeah So that's easy to get the hair Skin? You got to talk to their, I guess, masseuse? You gotta talk to their masseuse

You gotta be like, after you rubbed this person down, can I– your hand? For science purposes, can I get can I get a sample of his skin? This is from your hands Aah, spit, that's super easy I mean, there's a number of ways to get people's spit You could be like a fake 23andMe kind of service Get them to spit in something, you could be, you could probably go door to door

"We're collecting the neighborhood spit" Yeah, you could– People will probably give you their spit You could just, this is cleaner, I think the best thing to do clean their house, like show up as a cleaner Oh, this is good For a service free, you get you get all the cells you want, of every type, man

And you could also dust for fingerprints and then maybe create some sort of– Freaking Tony Danza Okay That was it Okay What's the next one? The next one is also a crime question

Oh yeah, here we are CSI Don't get fooled again Mariah I don't see Mariah's handle

Cause I screenshot this incorrectly Mariah though If someone is framed, we're in crime framing If someone is framed for a crime and ends up in prison, but then they escape And while they are on the run, the police figure out who really did the crime and put them away instead, would the person who wasn't supposed to be locked up in the first place have to go back for escaping prison or would they just be free since they technically weren't supposed to be there anyway

Well, so if you're, if you're wrongfully convicted and imprisoned, you escape And then at the same time, exonerated, Enter Harrison Ford I'm not lying And this was not a setup for this question But me and Shepherd watched, "The Fugitive" together like three weeks ago

I remember that being a good movie I watched it basically when it came out Like 94 ish, 92 Early nineties One of the things that I ended up doing quite often, when I'm trying to figure out what we're gonna watch as a family– I saw a movie

Oh yeah yeah Link has seen this movie, which is pretty phenomenal Okay, there you go, was all I need needed I'll look up like top 100 thrillers of all time You know, I was like, I wanna watch an action movie, a good action movie with Shepherd, and pulled out "The Fugitive" and of course, as it's coming on, first of all, there's this moment in every movie that's made before, like 2004 where kids know, because the credits are so long at the beginning of the movie, they're like, what is this opening title sequence for three minutes where they're telling me everybody who did everything in the movie

You can't do that anymore because people are like, what the hell is this? Put that at the end, I don't care about it A lot of movies, they put the title at the end now Yeah, you got no time, you got to get into it, man I'm not a fan of that by the way Title at the end? Not a fan of the title at the end

I want the title up front, but I don't need, I watched the credits You know, I'm in LA, I'm in the industry I stick around and I watch the credits until the movie's done when I go to a theater Long opening sequence to "The Fugitive" But this is the plot of The Fugitive, which is a, by the way, highly recommended movie

And yes, we are going to spoil it But you can imagine if the setup of the thing is the guy's wrongfully convicted for murder In this case, the murder of his wife, you can imagine that he's going to exonerate himself, but the movie is basically about him being a fugitive He's being chased by a federal agent and played by Tommy Lee Jones Oh yeah

At his finest Oh yeah? Well at his Tommy Lee Jones, I mean, he's just the same guy in every movie and he's on the run And then he's trying to prove his innocence And he has an outlandish story about a guy with a prosthetic limb who killed his wife It turns out that it's got some stuff to do with some pharmaceutical scheme, et cetera

But, and also Jane Lynch makes a cameo before she was, you know, a household name She's like, she works at the hospital Anyway, in the movie, and I've based all my legal opinions off of things that happen in movies from the 90's He never went to prison He didn't escape from prison, did he? Oh yeah, he was

I thought he escaped– He was in custody– On the way or something Well, he was in custody, whether he's in prison or not, he's in custody He's on the inmate bus Yes And presumably he's already been in, he's been in cati

he's been in jail, awaiting trial He gets convicted He's being transferred to prison with a bunch of prisoners in a bus, the bus wrecks

And he's given the opportunity to escape and he takes it and then he's on the run And then he spends the whole movie trying to prove himself innocent And of course at the– Spoiler alert! He was not He's totally guilty No

So, and at the end of the movie, when basically, you know, Tommy Lee Jones, you can kind of tell, is becoming convinced of his innocence as the movie is going on And so at the end of the movie, it's kind of like, dude, I know you like escaped the deal and we've been running all over the place– He can't do it You know, you're innocent So yeah, go free Oh, Tommy Lee Jones did let him go

Yeah I don't remember now Yeah I mean, he's, the implication, I can't, even though it's only been three weeks, I can't remember exactly what happens The implication is he's exonerated himself

Everybody knows it and he's not gonna be in prison and he's not going to be, this is the thing Because in America I went to Quora, which is like where people who are sometimes experts or at least claim to be experts or think they're experts answer questions And the answer to this question was filled with a bunch of people saying that at least in the United States, the act of escaping confinement is in itself a crime and often involves some sort of property damage and maybe some sort of assault is required in order to get out So, but let's just say that it's a perfect situation You didn't break any laws

You just looked and all of a sudden, like the gate at prison was open, and you just walked out Yeah You technically committed a crime when you did that but in the court of public opinion, if you're exonerated, when you're out– The judge may say, okay, the time served Yeah Right, right

In some countries– Especially if the time you've served is more than the time that would have been for a prison escape You know what I'm saying? Yeah In some countries I have read, it is not illegal to escape imprisonment I saw that too Can that be true? But the view, it seems true because I read it and it was like grammatically correct– How is that possible though– But you typically– Its like saying saying you should escape

And then I don't know The one thing I read was like, because it's the natural, you can't punish somebody for their natural inclination to wanna not be in prison, but really? Well I would have a natural inclination– That's a ridiculous rationale But even in those countries, there's typically other infractions associated with it that you can still be convicted for and put back behind bars associated with an escape And then there was this one anecdote of this guy, I think in Germany, where it is claimed to not be illegal, to escape, that his prison outfit showed up at the prison laundered and folded and, and consider in a considerate way, shipped back to them So then they didn't have, he didn't steal the

Oh, sorry Sounds like an urban legend Yeah

But I read that I have my doubts about the why that would not be the law, but I don't know I don't, I've never thought about it You know, you talk about exoneration in movies Like I think about "The Hurricane," Denzel Washington

I definitely wanna see that again It's been a long time since I saw that That was a good movie It's a really good movie I gotta watch that one again

Oh, you know another good movie This is along the same lines of that, "Just Mercy" I watched that recently– Oh, new movie? Michael B Jordan, but again, based on a true story, like a young attorney trying to to prove a guy innocent and the guy still still to this day operates this institution that is basically like the Innocence Project kind of thing, but offering legal– Yeah, I was gonna mention the Innocence Project because once you start thinking about just the horrifying reality of being falsely imprisoned, it was one guy who was in prison for 37 years and then exonerated You know– For a rape he didn't commit

I have an incredible story It wasn't planning on telling, but my dad told me this I was talking, I was talking to my dad who, up until this year, he retired He was a law professor And of course he was a lawyer before he was a law professor

And I was talking to him about how much I enjoyed "Just Mercy" which is the story again, of a young attorney, a young black attorney going down to Alabama and trying to prove, like sorta re-examine the evidence around this black guy who was falsely accused of murdering a white woman And it takes place in like, that "Just Mercy" takes place in like the eighties or nineties, early nineties I think Then as you can imagine, the guy was wrongfully convicted I was telling my dad about it If they're gonna make a movie about it, then, yeah

He starts telling me a story, I'm like, why have you never told me this story before? So when my dad was a very new attorney, like had just graduated from, from law school and like just got, just passed the bar Hm mm? At that point, you kind of assigned cases And so there's a, there's a guy, in, who is a security guard at the Smithsonian in Washington, DC Okay? And like, whatever year this is, you know, my dad's beginning to practice law So early seventies

And he a guy breaks into the Smithsonian and he has to shoot him and kill him Wow And as they're kind of, now, he's innocent for shooting the dude, but in the process of examining who this guy is, this guy is a prison escapee– The security guard? The security guard, this guy escaped from an Alabama, no, I guess it was Georgia, from a Georgia chain gang In like 1940, also like 30 years ago Right

And he was convicted of some crime I don't know what it was I don't know what the crime was, he was convicted of a serious crime, a felony And then he was on the chain gang and he escaped from the chain gang and then goes on to live a normal life But they find, oh, this guy is fricking from a chain gang

And so they assigned the case to my dad– To defend him? My dad to defend him Oh wow And my dad sits down with him And basically this guy went on to live a completely fruitful life contributing to a society And also by the way, cause he, my dad asked him flat out

Did you do the thing that you were convicted of? He's like, no And he said, "I didn't even have the opportunity to enter a plea" And so my dad's like, okay, yeah, Georgia 1940 I can imagine that this is the way it was So my dad starts looking at the documents, the records

And he finds that there is a guy who, some position in the court who was overseeing like an attorney who was overseeing these cases at the time, who is still alive and who is now like 90 years old and lives somewhere in Georgia And my dad goes to the dude's house, which is crazy Cause this is kind of what happens in "Just Mercy" Where like you go to these people who have something to do with the case, of course And "Just Mercy" is just, a decade ago or whatever, but this is like decades ago

And he sits down with this guy and he says, this is my client and this is what happened Do you remember this case? And he was like, "I don't remember the details of that case, but I'll tell you the way that it used to be work" He said, "Every Monday morning, everybody that we had arrested, he said every black person that we had arrested–" Okay "We'd bring then into court And we would enter a guilty plea for all of them

" Everyone he says would not give them an opportunity to testify We're not giving them an opportunity to even enter a plea They would represent them all as a collective, regardless of what had happened, whatever they've been arrested for, just enter a guilty plea and then sentence them Systemic racism It's real

So there's no trial, it's just a conviction It's just a sentencing? He So he's like, well, we obviously this is wrong And so my dad like takes this I don't know exactly what he did, but he basically takes this evidence to this thing and the judge says, "All right, this was a wrongful conviction

And he's free, but then it it's appealed, or they have to take it to the district court, which was in New Orleans And my dad is, you know– He's green He's green, he's already received his 500 bucks or whatever you get to, to represent somebody And you're not supposed to receive anymore He's like, do you want me to go to New Orleans and defend this guy? And the judge was like, yep

And we'll make sure that you, you know, we pay for your expenses or whatever He didn't have any money So he goes down there and basically presents the case to a, just a big court A district court is just a bunch of judges, like overseeing a bunch of cases, right And they let the dude go

Dang, that that needs to be a movie, man I was like, Dad, I was like, dad, this is basically "Just Mercy" Why have you never told me this story? The interesting thing about it is that the guy, I mean after decades, maybe there's not as much fear, but there's still got to be this thing I could, I haven't been caught, but I could have, I could have been found out and it could still happen And I'm a security guard and I'm doing everything right

But then he's presented with this opportunity I mean, to do his job requires shooting somebody in the Smithsonian or not, by the way he didn't, and at that moment, he, it sounds like he did the right thing where that put him in, in danger of scrutiny that then it came to pass, you know, so doing the right thing, put him in the cross-hairs of going back to prison Yeah Man! Well I think the thing that "Just Mercy" highlights is that, okay, yes, because of the civil rights movement, things have gotten better that that exact scenario doesn't happen anymore But the fact is, is that the roots of that systemic racism are still very alive and well, and they continue to be cut back

They continue to be rooted out literally And, but, you know, as recently as the early nineties, it was all basically almost exactly the same scenario, but just with one individual guy and then this stuff is still, there's still a lot of this existing in sentencing and, it still exists It's like, if you, in any sort of nonpartisan evaluation of the current justice system shows that there is still a bunch of inconsistencies and a bunch of injustice towards people of color You should– Still around And that's why BLM exists

Yeah But by the way You should get some more stories from your, from your dad You should Well, he's got a really good one that I think I've told before about the, being attacked by some, some female inmates who escaped from a place that he was working

He got, they teamed up on him and beat him up and got out, like two or three female prisoners Yeah He's got a good story about that too Were they innocent? Did he exonerate them after the fact? He represented them after the fact We got to do, we could do, we could do a crime podcast

We kind of did Like a whole different, a new podcast You could just turn this into a crime podcast– Crime Biscuits Yeah! Hmm Ha, ha! Well, hopefully you'll sleep a little better at night

Some of you Yeah And we, you know what, there's many more questions that we didn't get to So we'll do this again This was a fun conversation

Led to some really interesting places, you know what? I wasn't gonna make this, my rec, but I am going to make it now that I talked about it, "Just Mercy," the movie, it's super well done First of all, you got Jamie Fox playing the guy who was convicted You got Michael B Jordan playing the attorney, really great performances And I just think it's one of those things that I think it's important to, especially if you question whether or not this, the systemic racism that people talk about actually exist

And based on some of the stuff that I see on the internet, a large percentage of people, at least in America, continue to question whether or not this is even a reality They think this is just some trumped up bullshit That's trying to support some kind of Marxist movement or whatever latest conspiracy theory is about it When the reality is, is there's a lot of injustice has been done And this movie does a great job

It's just a great movie is a great story And it does a really good job of highlighting exactly how frustrating it would be to be a black person in the justice system, especially at that juncture, in that place in the deep, deep South Alabama So "Just Mercy," watch it It's good And if you wanna go back a few decades, "The Hurricane" is a similar story

Yeah All right # Ear Biscuits Let's continue the conversation Let us know what you think

And then we'll speak at you again next week, because that's what we do We want to, we enjoy it To watch more Ear Biscuits, click on the playlist on the right To watch the previous episode of Ear Biscuits, click on the playlist to the left And don't forget to click on the circular icon to subscribe

If you prefer to listen to this podcast, it's available on all your favorite podcast platforms Thanks for being your Mythical Best

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