Link’s Strange Physical Therapy Visit

Welcome to "Ear Biscuits" I'm Rhett

And I'm Link This week at the round table of dim lighting, we're gonna talk about stuff that you've told us that you're really into And we're probably gonna rip it to shreds No, we're just gonna process it And assess it

We're gonna help you We're gonna assess it If you need to abandon this thing, we'll let you know that If we have some advice that we think that you need to hear as you approach liking this thing, we're just gonna give some perspective What so we know? And let me tell you

Well, I'll tell you what We know that we've got brains This bearded man right here next to me certainly been into a lot of different stuff If you haven't listened to our Rhett's layers episode from way back Oh, throwback

If you wanna pick apart what Rhett's into or has been into in fleeting fashion over the many years that I've known him– I don't like that That's a good episode I took issue with that character relation To listen to With my layers

But we're both into things And so we're qualified to assess if other people's stuff that they're into is worth it I'll tell you, there's some, I almost said some strange addictions but it's borderline strange addiction stuff that's happening here and just some odd unexpected things that I think it's important that we talk about So– Well, that might be over selling it I think we got to oversell it

I mean I think if this, I'm just trying to be honest here Every time I tease an episode, you immediately rip it to shreds Go with me You're too sensational Because I would say if you went your entire life without hearing the things that we're about to say, you'd probably be okay

You don't know what we're about to say I mean, I'm saying that's you my best guess at this point Listen, I'm gonna say some stuff– I think you're gonna have a good time That's gonna change your life I think you're gonna have a good time, I think that you're gonna, hopefully, you're gonna laugh, hopefully, you're gonna feel like this was a good use of your time and that you were entertained and if you were one of the individuals that we will be addressing, maybe this could be life-changing but for just the average person listening who didn't submit one of these things, you can kinda take it or leave it

Well, it's not even do it Hold on, you gotta understand what I'm doing I'm doing a reverse psychology You're doing what you've learned in 20 years of marriage Right

Lower the bar Yes, because then they'll think, really, man, you know what, I'm really glad I listened and Rhett told me that I wouldn't be Then the next time, they'll be like, maybe it's always worth listening This episode's gonna suck but if you love us, you'll stick with us I'll tell you something I'm into right off the bat because something happened to me and it was strange

I'm getting really into physical therapy because I've been into physical fitness but it might– That's an interesting thing to get into In our age– Usually, physical therapy is something you get into because you were prescribed it for a specific condition And I was I currently have a prescription for physical therapy sitting in my car unused Yeah, that's called a you're a card-carrying middle-aged man is basically what that means

I'm into physical fitness, which at my age means I'm into physical therapy I think that when you're thinking, if you go into a gym and they give you a contract, just go ahead and say, okay, I'm gonna add in the cost of physical therapy on top of this Let me just say, I– Completely agree I completely disagree with you because I'm not saying that working out doesn't make you injury prone but not working out makes you more injury prone, definitely, than you would have been Because listen, my back is in better shape than it's ever been, hasn't caused me trouble and I firmly believe it is because I have been the most consistent with my fitness regimen

Well– So, I think that some of those injuries, like I know you've got a bad shoulder, I've got a bad shoulder, I got the bad knee now, hopefully that's getting better but I have to believe that it's not as bad as if I was just in atrophy all the time I started going to the gym years ago because my right shoulder was hurting and I went to physical therapy for a while and it made it better and then I wanted to maintain But then, my left shoulder started hurting I said you know what, I need to get back to– It felt left out Some physical therapy to just get this thing hanging right again or something

I don't know what We both been in a physical therapy I prefer, I've been in the two types of physical therapy There's the one where you're in a large room with a lot of other people Yeah

And then there's the one where I have a physical therapist that I go to from time to time, she just has an office and it's just her and you're in an office and that's it And that second scenario has proven much more effective for me, personally I know you've experimented with both as well but now, you're going to the open area again It's an open area but it's one-on-one physical therapy and there's not, sometimes, there's one other person in there, usually Because I went to one where they rotated on me

Yeah, I did that too That's a bit personal That's no good You feel like cattle Yeah

Yeah Some focus Anyway, I go in there and, I'll just use the first name Jane Is that real? Did I learn my lesson to not, should I call her PT Patti? This is not, well, who knows? I don't think my story's incriminating then I start telling them and they probably are But I love Jane

She's a great person, I give her five stars on my review, okay? If you were to leave one But you know, when your therapy is Link Neal, I guess you get in a weird territory so I'll say that it's on me, not on her but here's what happened I go in there, I'm hyper mobile and my shoulders, I'm not doing my exercises correctly at the gym I'm not setting my my shoulders back and engaging my traps whenever I'm like doing exercises and my shoulders are getting hyper extended but then, her immediate assessment when I walked in, why is that confusing? You're making a confusing face I don't understand

You're shoulders are hyperextended? Like, let's just say I did a bent over row, like I'm been over facing the ground and then I'm gonna pull some weights up to my side I'm going to, you know You use too much shoulder and not enough back? Yeah, yeah, yeah You got to set your shoulders, roll your shoulders back and down to engage your lats in order to then protect your shoulders so that they don't hyperextend out Okay

But then when I go in there, she's immediately assessing my posture and everything I walk out of there the first time with like special flip-flops She gave you special flip-flops? Well, she sold me special flip-flops that– How can a flip-flop be special? Your foot nestles around the arch in such a way as to– Reduce the flop? Invite your heel to be in the right place so that you're not putting your, if you watch people walking, you see people walking, they put weight on the right side of their heel, on the left side They're not centering their weight And I'm sure you've heard this

If you're not walking correctly, if your feet aren't interacting with the terrain correctly, it has a ripple effect through your whole body That's right to your brain Any physical therapy will tell you that everything is connected in your body So I go in there for my shoulder So, do they flop though? What, my feet? The flip-flops, do they flop? Yeah, they flop

Okay You got a problem with flopping? No, I just thought that, I don't understand mechanically how they work and I thought that maybe like, if they– When my heels strikes– Well, these only flop if you're walking wrong They trained me to, when my heel strikes to distribute the weight centered on the heel and not to the right– How come I haven't seen you wearing these? Especially, my right foot I wear 'em around the house I'd like you to wear 'em in

And when in a physical therapy I'd like you to wear the flip-flops in I have them in my bag, I wear 'em home They fashionable? It's not really warm enough but no, they're not, they're just black Okay

I'd like to get into my story You're raising a lot of questions as you go That's all I gotta say The main thing about my, I mean, she's working on my posture and holding my shoulders back and my head back so I'm not hunched over So, I'm filling my lungs with air and I'm puffing my chest out and I'm being proud to be who I am

She says things like that to me And then she lays me down on this log of a, a fitness log, I call it It's just a long Styrofoam cylinder and I lay on that on my back and then I splay my arms out and I lay there for 15 minutes doing snow angels This is my task And I've supposed to do this everyday

Flip-flops and snow angels Yeah, I'm looking good And it's basically to open up, bring my shoulders back, they flop, if you wanna flop, my shoulders flop down on either side of the fitness log and my arms go out so my chest opens up, okay? And it stretches my pecs and everything's kind of closing down I need to just open it back up And after doing this a few days, second day I'm going there, I'm like, I've got a hitch in my giddyup

When I laid down on this log and I start doing the snow angel, when I get my arms right here at like two and 10 o'clock, I feel this pain in my chest, like right around here On one side? On the right side but then it goes all the way back to my shoulder blades She says, "Well, that sounds like your rib" And I'm like, "Well, I do have this rib "that kinda sticks out right here" Wanna put my arm? You might be able to see it, don't touch it

I gotta touch it I'm going to touch it gently, right there Do you feel that? Not on the other side as much It's more on this side Yeah, on the right

I mean I would say that's a mild I remember my mom telling me that I had a fused rib I didn't know what that meant And she said maybe that's it But then she started feeling of it and it's like right here to the right of my sternum in the middle of my chest above my nipple towards the middle

It just feels like the ribs poking out And so I'm laying there and she starts just doing what you did She immediately starts feeling of it and rubbing it and I just started, I started squirming I would have started laughing When they touch my chest like they're doing a massage and then they turned me over and they started working the top of the shoulders and they, anytime the little– It tickles

Little fingers like get down into the top of the pecs I'm like Well, let me tell you Just embarrass myself I started laughing and I did embarrass myself and it was like

It's so embarrassing to laugh I wasn't actually, it was uncomfortable laughter It's the same type of laughter that I exude when people start talking about blood flow You know that freaks me out Yeah

And I was like Like a grunting laughter kind of like squirming getting away from her And she's like pushing on my rib and like she's– Was she responding to your laughing? And before she could respond, I was like, "I'm sorry for laughing "It just makes me really uncomfortable "I actually feel queasy when you touch it

" And then she said, "You touch it" And I was like, "I don't like touching that spot" I don't like touching that rib I never touch it because it makes me feel queasy I don't like touching that pointy spot

And she took some ointment This is LA, she took some CBD ointment She took my hand out, she put ointment on my hand, and then she said, "Just rub it" And I'm like I put my hand under my shirt Why is this such, I understand like rubbing, actually, I can't think of a part of my body that it would be weird for me to rub

It's like I'm trying, having someone else rub it, but me rubbing my body, the whole point of being ticklish– It's my kryptonite The ticklishness comes from the unexpected nature, not being able to anticipate what's gonna happen next but you can't you tickle yourself We talked about this on the show I'm not tickling myself, I'm making yourself– You're freaking yourself out touching your own rib I'm freaking myself out

Yeah, because I feel like it's not in place and like I'm touching it, I just feels gross to me because it sticks out, man It's nasty You got lots of things that stick out though like all of them So, I start touching it and I try to be obedient and I'm like I'm rubbing this spot and I'm like, she can tell I'm really uncomfortable and she starts giving me this speech She says, "That rib is not mobile

"You get the pain all the way to the front and the back "because it doesn't like to move like all the other ribs "Something's happened to you in the past" And I told her I broke my pelvis She was like, "We might have done it then "when you busted your ass and broke your pelvis "and got a concussion in college" And I said, "Well, whenever it is, "I still don't like touching it

" And she's like, "You need to invite that rib to the party "He doesn't have to eat anything "but it does have to show up" She's saying all this while– This is the analogy? She goes into that many layers of the analogy? She goes into that many layers why– Whether or not the rib has to eat? Yeah, while I'm rubbing my own chest This woman's a genius She is trying to distract you

She got you thinking about how weird her analogy was and next thing you know, you're rubbing that rib I'm rubbing that rib and it's a party I can rub it now And she said, I mean it's still a little uncomfortable as I'm trying to do it but she's like, "You know what, I understand that it makes you queasy "but this is part of your body and your brain is telling you "that something's wrong with it "and you need to get comfortable with it being the way it is "before we can see some progress" Hold on, but how we gonna fix it? Doesn't have to eat but it needs to go the party

Do want me to push hard on it? She pushed hard on it, don't you push on it I think I can distract you, tell you a little bedtime story about the rib going to the party and then boom! Like it's scaring somebody when they got hiccups I'll just press it in real quick with a lot of force and it'll dislodge Let me do it I have a physical therapist

Her name is Jane, she tells me wonderful stories about rib people But she didn't get it, she didn't fix it It takes time I gotta say, the– Mentally, this is like mental therapy too, dude Well, it's kinda reminiscent– I bet you have a rib that needs to come to a party

That's exactly what I was about to say I bet you if I went to this woman, she would find a rib that needed to go to a party as well because I think, nothing against her, I think this might be a little bit like chiropractic medicine, which I understand that there's benefit in chiropractic medicine but there's also a lot of woowoo in chiropractic medicine because no matter who you are, if you go to a chiropractor, you think they're gonna be like, you're perfectly in balance, please go home No, they always say, you're a little bit out of alignment Let me do the, has anyone ever been to a chiropractor who didn't tell them that they were out of alignment? The only chiropractor I went to is the one we made a commercial for Right

The Cracked Chiropractor Look up that commercial if you're interested Well, or don't But– Yeah I kinda feel like this is like one leg is a little bit longer than the other kind of thing

No, she was addressing my mental block Do you think you really got a rib that's not coming to the party? You think that's real? Yeah, yeah, yeah I mean it can be loosened up How do we get it to come with the party? Probably touching and pushing on it But I have to get a little more comfortable with that

How often you're not touching and pushing on it? I haven't since the party analogy Right now, I'm touching it a little bit, okay? I'm touching on it I feel like every night, you need to, you gotta push hard 'cause I think what's gonna happen, you're gonna be sitting there one night– You don't know You're gonna push and it's gonna go And all your problems are gonna go away

And just like chiropractic, not just your rib problem, all your problems are gonna go away If you can get that rib in alignment, everything else in your body will like domino You'd be like a transformer and you'll be suddenly in great health She says that I need to like put my chin back and my chest out looking like this I take issue with that too because I've never thought of you as a person with that posture

I think I got much worse posture than you You're always sitting upright I mean, Link sits upright all the time, doesn't he? You're not hunched at all, man Like see the difference between this No, look at me, I'm always hunched because I'm a tall boy

Just because you have problems doesn't mean I don't have lesser problems that I'm dealing with It's called envy, Rhett You have– When you bringing me down– I'm telling you that you have good posture is not called envy I'm telling you that if I were to line up all of my friends and there was a spectrum of good posture to bad posture, just eyeballing it in my brain right now, you'd be on the top in the good posture When I watched– Now, pointy ribs, you'd also be up there as well

When I watched back the vlog where we were playing disc golf with tortillas, I don't even know if that video is out yet but when I watched the first shot of that of me like teeing off and like throwing the Frisbee tortilla, I was like man I'm not athletic-looking Well, that's a totally different thing I'm goofy looking, like I got a have a more athletic stance But that's not your posture And I think that's the key

It's just your technique That's the key to my shoulder getting better for everything being tight and together Looking cooler while doing things is the key to getting better? Don't tell me you don't believe that I know that's your worldview Well, I will say that from an athletic perspective that the way that I've always try, like the way that I tried to figure out how to swing a golf club was watching people on television who knew how to do it

I was like I don't really know exactly what's happening but if I can make my swing look more like Tiger Woods swing, then it'll probably result in something good I found this to be true So, if you can look at Frisbee golfers of the world and be like, I'd love to look like that You don't even need to know exactly what's happening You just need to look like them and you're probably being good shape

Well, it's gonna start with a party where my rib is gonna be there Are my ribs invited to the party? Sure, they don't have to eat but they do need to be there Okay, I'm glad we cleared that up You have a new shirt on I do, this is be your mythical best and then– 3D, man

It's got be your mythical best written under it This is like advanced graphics stuff Graphics You what I'm saying? Two graphics in one This is like something that me and you would never come up with because we think too inside the box when it comes to graphics

Yeah We'd be like, hold on, you put another graphic underneath the graphic You need to delete that layer before we sell this shirt That's what we'd say In other words, you're crapping on our merch

No, no I'm saying that that's what makes it cool Our merch has gotten way better since me and you stopped being the ones figuring out what was gonna go on this stuff Yeah, man, we're so proud of it Look at him wearing it

Mythicalcom, check out all the designs that have unexpected twists, turns, shadows and redundancies And coming soon to mythicalcom, a shirt that has a built-in foam rib that you can rub It's got a bump

Yeah, yeah, yeah It's got a bump underneath it Yeah, rub it to your heart's content and it says rub here And there's also, it comes with a packet of CBD oil Rub here to come to the party

Dang it! Okay, maybe we should be giving more ideas for merch It's probably expensive to produce You wanna take a look at some of these questions? Yeah, yeah, yeah Where are you gonna start? Let's just start here at the top These aren't questions, these are things that y'all are into

Amy Smith Amy, what are you into? I love smelling things From entire stores like tire shops or Home Depot to Windex and Comet, to old books and old photographs The smell of skunks, gas and even manure don't bother me I just love to smell things

I think this is great because to me, this is a form of like being in the moment Like you don't typically, like, I mean the reason that the same stop and smell the roses is what it is is because you don't typically do that You don't typically stop and focus on the scent of something I mean if something is pungent or it's eliciting something that is a like a warning, it triggers a warning in your nose Like, oh my gosh, somebody farted, I got to get away but if something smells good, it's like, oh that smells good but I'm just gonna , I'm gonna suck it in

This is a meditative mindfulness type of a thing But the thing I really relate to in this, Amy, is your desire not just to smell good things but just to smell things, right? Yeah And I think that one of the things that I enjoy is strong flavors, like I think that anybody who likes black licorice kinda understands it Is it that you actually think that it tastes good or you're into that, you talked about it on the podcast or on GMM, the taste masochism The concept of you're a masochist when it comes to taste and you like strong flavor

You like bitter, you like blue cheese and black licorice and I think the reason I like those things– It's simulating danger but in the confines of safety It's like eating a poison berry without the consequences of the poison, right? But it's an experience and these last three things that you that you mentioned, skunks, gas and manure are like, that might be my top three I mean, like— Well, it depends on the type of animal manure No, but you know like, what they used to do it– Like a pig manure, no, thank you Cow manure, yeah

But you know what they used to do at NC State where they'd bring in the fresh mulch that had the manure mixed into it? Yeah And you can tell, like, oh, there's this high smell That's a cow shit And it's like, ooh, there's fresh manure on campus today and it's like, some people like, "What's that smell? "It stinks" I'm like, "I like it

" I like it, I hate it and that's why I love it I don't know what it is It's an evocative experience A skunk, well, my dad used to say, "That's a dead polecat when you smell a skunk "when you're just driving down the road" Because apparently, when a skunk dies– Dies

It releases its glands, I don't know Yeah, and also it just stinks because it's dead I definitely like smelling of a book I always like that Books are nice

I do not smell my toenails I do I do not smell the inner workings of my bellybutton, usually That would be difficult, I'm not that flexible With your finger

You mean stick and then pull and smell? Yeah Sample and smell? Sticking, rim and smell, rimming out I don't think my bellybutton smells bad Well, I don't– Let me find out Oh, yes, find out

Well, let's let you find out It's most totally fine I don't smell anything This smells like finger Well, listen, you've got a sample size of one day

You need to do this every day Do you, during your really meticulous lathering routine that you do with the shower not going, do you always lather everything including the belly button? Yes I cannot tell you the last time I washed my belly button or my legs That's gross, man It's not gross, they smell fine

Smell my legs, smell my bellybutton I'm not gonna smell your legs I'll put my legs or my belly button up against anybody's and I bet you, they're just as fine Well, you need to ask permission first before you do that I wash all crevasses in my face

And I feel like I'm doing good You wash your toes? Weekly Well then, that's a bunch of crevices I know That's four crevices there

The thing is that I'm just– On each foot I feel like you're drying your stuff out, man Showers are not even a natural thing Sarah, what is the Flame Princess, as her moniker on Twitter says, what is she into? Bones, but more specifically and this may seem effed up, human bones Okay

I want a human skull more than words can express There's something about facing your own mortality by looking into the empty eye sockets of a once living person and seeing yourself Oh, this is, is this wicked or is this insightful? Well, again, I know I'm a dark person but I very much relate to this as well and I when we went to– Human skull Went to the Voodoo Museum in New Orleans And I guess I'd recommend it

Well, it's not much of a time commitment Right It's like a 13-minute– Pretty much in and out And we were really squeezing all the juice out of that experience And there are several human bones, animal bones but definitely human bones including some human skulls

And I gotta say, there is something very– We were trying to figure out if they were real and we did conclude because they were just out there I mean this is like a house that you walk through Well, the human skulls were in, the one that me and you and Britain were looking at– Was in a glass box? Yeah, it was in a glass box but– That one was real It was real, man Yes, like the detailing on that thing

I get this I didn't process it much at that time How would you get a human skull? You gotta kill somebody That's the first thing How'd you do it legally? I wonder

How does one acquire a human skull? Yeah, I'm sure you, well, legally, okay Jen, can you look that up? Yeah Do you feel like you need to go into incognito mode or something? Let's see if the work computer allows me to search this Go on the dark web You can do it, I know that you can get a human skull if you're a medical professional

How does one acquire a human skull? Like, if you're a teacher, you can have a skeleton in your classroom I know majority those are fake, just molds but I'm pretty sure– Yeah, why it need to be real? Because it's cooler It is cool This was a person and now, they just hang out in this classroom all the time So you're into this

You're into what Sarah's into, human bones I get it I definitely, I don't know if I would've been into it until she said that it helps her face her own mortality by looking into the empty eye sockets, I think that kind of redeems it Oh, Jen has– Jen has found something An interesting face

What did you find? There's a website Etsy? Can I say the website? Yeah It's called the Bone Room The Bone Room theboneroom

com? boneroomcom boneroomcom I don't know what happens if you put the the in there

Well, how much for a human skull? And how do you it's real? Normal human skull? What do you mean a normal human? Yeah, no, an– They have other options I don't want abnormal human skull I don't mind That's like a– I want a extra big one That's creepy on creepy

Okay At least $2,000 Starting price, $2,000 Wait, there's one that was for 400 I don't know– Well, who's was that? Do they have names? This is Henry

The 400 one was an antique, uncut male skull Antique, uncut male skull for 400 bucks? So these are just like skulls that are out there on the market All right That's what I'm gonna get Rhett for Christmas I'm going to get one

I want one Just forget I said that I'll get it for your birthday Okay, I'll be happy Let's move on to another because I'm creeped out

Marcel van Werkhoven Okay I'm into puppets I like building, performing and watching them I think they're really cool 'cause they have this weird ability to connect with people that I feel even sometimes people can't

That's probably why people find them to be creepy Hmm Puppets Okay, so you– There's a lot that could be said about puppets When you read I'm into puppets and you stop there for a second I was like, okay, that's all I need to hear, it's not a good idea

And then he goes on, I like building, performing and watching them Okay, this dude, we're gonna rip this guy to shreds for his love of puppets but now, he's an actual, he's a creator– We're not going to rip anybody to shreds, fam Marcel is freaking real-life Geppetto He's crafting puppets, performing and watching other people perform with them So we gotta be careful

Well, my assessment of puppet loving Well, let me rephrase it Because my initial reaction is, uh-uh My assessment of being into puppets is that we are in magic territory here We did a whole episode about this

You mean magician territory? Yeah, magician territory Yeah, and that is being into puppet cool? Let me think about that for a split second, no Is being a magician cool? Look at Jen "Dark Crystal" is so cool Hold on, listen

Let me finish Jen is saying "Dark Crystal" is cool No, "Dark Crystal" but– She getting offended Okay, hold on, you're talking about like Jim Henson, you're talking about like next level labyrinth shit We're not talking about that, we're just talking, I mean, I don't know, I haven't seen Marcel's puppets but I'm just saying the decision to get into puppets is like the decision to get into magic and just like I said, you don't get into magic or get into puppets because being into either one of those things is cool in the very superficial traditional sense of what cool is

You get into it because there's something that you like to do but you need to understand that because of the way society works, you will be perceived in a certain way by certain people if you get into these things And you just got to be ready to embrace that I just wonder how many opportunities there are for public puppet work these days I mean there's– It's just got to be about the love of puppets because the people that break through in puppetry, this very small percentage of people We knew a guy

Do you remember a few years ago, we knew this guy, he was like a friend of a friend, he had the big gauged ears I don't remember this And he was a puppet man and he worked for Jim Henson and he taught our kids, like puppets at, or art or something at the homeschool co-op that the kids were a part of Okay, okay That dude, first of all, he was the coolest puppeteer so maybe I'm taking everything back

He had large gauges Like the kind that you could hang a puppet on each ear Okay If you wanted to And you could stick a puppet finger, maybe you can stick a puppet hand depending on the puppet through his ear

Oh, yeah? And I feel like if you can stick a puppet's arm through your own ear, then you're cool whether you do puppets or not like if Fred Rogers' Daniel the Tiger can jump through your ear hole, then you're cool? Yeah Okay And the thing about it is if you've got large gauged ears, which is not something that I personally recommend but it's not something that I personally judge either Making my ears is itchy

I'm gonna take that rib that's sticking out and we'll pull it out and stick it right through your ear make a gauge Shut up If you are the kind of person that has gauged ears, you should balance that with being into puppets and if you are into puppets, you should balance that with being doing something like getting crazy piercings Now, claymation– A pierced puppeteer, that's a whole thing right there I'ma go to that website

I think claymation, that's cool piercedpuppetscom, is that a website? Can you look that up? Oh, boy Pierced puppets I mean you're back into voodoo at that point, aren't you? Oh, you mean like, yeah, voodoo doll

Lara Bencroft, @mixed_veggies_ is into brushing my teeth in the, not my teeth Lara's into brushing her teeth in the shower Anything at piercedpuppetscom? Nothing yet I moved on because I wasn't hopeful

You ever brush your teeth in the shower? I used to I used to I have strong opinions about this now but you go first because you're the shower man I'm the shower man? Yeah Well, I mean, every second in the shower is just water down the drain a– Unless you turn it off while you lather

Which I do that Yeah, so like doing more stuff in the shower to like, I don't know, I don't like wasting that amount of water even though we're not in a drought here in Los Angeles anymore Well, it's interesting because here's I was gonna say As someone who doesn't turn off the water to lather but also as I indicated, my lathering process is not nearly as thorough as Mr Neal's, therefore, it doesn't take me but about 17 seconds

So that's not a lot of water Yeah, it probably gets washed off before it's actually caught the nasties I stepped out of the stream to lather and then I get back into the stream but that being said, I used to brush my teeth in the shower in North Carolina You're surrounded by water there It's like there's ponds every four feet, creeks, it's like you don't get a sense that the water is in short supply when you're in North Carolina

Right And, I mean, ever seen Jordan Lake? Full of water except when it wasn't And so, I would brush my teeth in the shower but two things have changed Number one, I've moved to California where I've been, sort of, you can't– The drought, yeah You can't avoid being more conscious about the water supply

But also, this is, I don't know if there are sponsor on this episode but quip, because I'm using the quip toothbrush and I'm brushing for two minutes, which is how long you should be brushing Yeah Two minutes of brushing in the shower for a man who's not gonna turn the water supply off Yeah, that's irresponsible I just moved it, I'm completely moved it to a different part of my day

I don't like the idea– Or different part of the morning Keeping my toothbrush in the shower I don't like the idea of other people's showering and yeah, that's just my wife but yeah, I don't know my wife's stuff rebounding off my– Offage, your wife's offage? Yeah, where she's like, and then getting on my toothbrush Does your wife lather as much as you do? I'm sure she doesn't, that would be impossible Does she have a shower system? I haven't asked her because I don't want to have a fight

Hold on, y'all never shower together? Rhett, when we shower together, it's not as much about getting cleaned In fact, it's quite the opposite Hold on, hold on But has there ever been– A time when we're just like both independently in the shower just showering? Just washing? No Really? There's been a couple of times, I mean I'm not– When it's like she's got to shower and you've got a shower, there's not any shower play? Less than a dozen times during 19 years of marriage

We have showered at the same time because of convenience, not because of other desires Okay There have been those scenarios where you know, shower play But what I'm talking about is showering at the same time because you both need to get into the shower– Why is that what you're talking about? Because the other thing is the interesting thing to talk about Well, hold on

Let's talk about sex in the shower Hold on, hold on but– Right, everybody? Well, okay, well, I was trying not to talk about that It's dangerous You gotta be careful about your– I'm not moving on, I'm gonna keep coming back to this Well, I'll talk about it when you're done

But the fact that I think that your routine, your shower routine is so regimented that no one else could fit into it anyway First of all, your shower has two independent shower heads Your shower is built for two people to take a shower at the same time, am I right? Well, the current house I'm in but other homes that I've lived in, that was not a case Oh And I still did it

What would y'all do? Just alternate who's under the water? Yeah You might as well just wait until she's done at that point Well, sometimes, you do like a Patrick Swayze in "Ghost" kind of thing Like she might be lathering and you might come up behind her, help her lather Okay, so now you're talking about– No, no, but it's for function

I mean it's a little sensual but it doesn't have to be sensual or practical, it can be both In fact, when it's both, it's beautiful Where the sensual meets the practical It sounds like a tagline for a class that you would see at a yoga studio that you could tear off in Los Angeles Yeah, yeah

Shower play, where sensual meets practical It's way to tight quarters to just be in the shower together just to be clean You've got a big shower I've been in it Yeah, and I was in there too

Right, it's not tight quarters Yeah, but I don't know, it just seems like that's a personal space unless it's, unless you're sorting the mail If you're sorting the mail in the shower together, then go for it but like I said, you got to be calculated about you got to have a good foot hold or hand hold You got to, you just can't– I don't play that game The height difference is too extreme for that to be safe

Yeah, it's always been, for me, it's always been, I mean it's always rewarding, I'm not gonna say that, but it's almost like it's too challenging And the level of dangers and potential personal injury involved with like slippage and stuff, it's just, there's too much anxiety associated with it I mean you don't wanna have that much pressure That's not good for performance Performance

I'm just not into making love in the shower Okay, that is what this has become But brushing your teeth, you're also not into which was the original I liked that in principle but I gotta remember to bring my toothbrush in and then put it away because I like it in my drawer so it's not out I don't like leaving my toothbrush out

Next Next thing that someone is into from BYM Beth, I like that That's cool That's cool I'm really into going to show homes that I know I'll never buy

Oh, like an open house It's purely just out of nosiness You see the sign, the house is for sale A lot of cars parked around here Oh, they're all going into this open house

Now, you know that this is my dad, this is my dad's past time, really Growing up, we just, we'd find houses that were– I knew that you would drive around neighborhoods just to drive around neighborhoods and look at houses And to go into houses that were open houses Okay, okay In fact, when they came out here a couple years ago, we went into like a really nice neighborhood somewhere and somewhere in town where there's like multi-million dollar homes, like up in the hills and you just go, on a Sunday afternoon, drive around and you get to walk into these awesome houses

Those levels of houses– That's fun Still have open home policy things? They let just people walk in off the street? Yeah Oh, I didn't know that I mean, maybe not like, I'm not talking about like a $20 million home I'm talking about like a $4 million home

Okay Which in the Hollywood Hills or something like that I mean, there's some interesting stuff I've done it a couple of times So you tell me how you've dealt with this because my thing– Whether I use the bathroom or not? Yeah, one time, I did

My thing is you go in there and there's a real estate agent who kinda greets you at the door and there's like, they're giving out handouts with all the information on the house to potential buyers I know I'm not a potential buyer in the few times that I've done this but I found myself acting like a potential buyer as opposed to just saying, I'm just here to look around I think they can look in your eyes, they've done this long enough that they're good at it and they're selling the houses that are worth walking through to know in a split instance whether you're there as a potential buyer or just to look around because like BYM Beth, you're just into it But I found myself just instinctively lying Oh, yeah, so what are the comps? It's like go into the kitchen, there's another agent

The kitchen agent These nice houses, they got double teaming with agents And they're baking bread just to make the house smell like it Yeah, yeah, they got tricks up their sleeve They sell a– Candle? Well, they sell candles that smell like baked bread but they sell this thing that looks like a loaf of bread that has an oil in it and you put it in the oven when you're showing a home and it makes your whole home smell like baked bread but you don't really have to bake bread, it's just oil

And if you turn the light on for the oven, you can see the bread It looks like bread How do you even know about this? Because I was in a home one time where they had it and Jessie was like talking to somebody who was– Like an open house? Yeah Whoa And I don't know if this is like really hit it big yet

Jen, could you look that up? She don't need to look that up Jen, don't look that up No, because if no one– Don't waste your fingers Please, look it up Fake baked bread oven smell home

I don't search– Are you like giving clues and password? Do we have a game? That's what I do You telling me you search actual questions into Google? I just put all the keywords Google will assemble the answer Three would have been plenty I don't know, I think I had to give it home

Fake bread oil would have been enough No, that wouldn't have enough, that would just give you fake bread oil Okay, yeah 10 clever ways to make your home smell like you've been baking Yeah

But where do you buy one? But is there a website? Fakebreadcom It all like hack on like putting vanilla in stuff We've come up with– This is hacks, this isn't a product Three good business ideas

When you go into a house, do you tell him, I'm just looking around Amazon's got it Or do you start lying like I do? Oh, bread oil Fresh bread spray Fresh bread, oh, that's a little different

The thing I talking about, you put in the oven Like a ceramic bread that you drizzle oil on Yeah, so, I typically have an initial conversation that makes it seem– Like they don't need to waste their time on you? If they're like, you're looking, so you guys interested in buying? If they ask that question, I be like, "You know, yeah, eventually" So you do lie Well, that's true

I am eventually gonna buy a house In the hills? Somewhere Okay You know But you're lying

You're not looking to that house to buy it You know me though I could go up– But when you say okay– I could go up for a Sunday afternoon just for kicks and next thing you know, I'm like with a lawyer and buying the thing just because I'm so impulsive but no, I'm just saying, because I want them to, well– Sell it to you I don't want them to, I want a perfect balance I don't want them to look at me like I wish he wasn't in here walking around, he's just wasting my time

And I also don't want them to interact with me and try to follow me around the house I'm just in there, I prefer them to not be there I'm just there to explore So you say something that keeps them from giving you dirty looks but also is like, I don't think he's serious, I'm not gonna follow him around, I'm not gonna ask him questions That's the balance that you want

But they know They know the deal But I do get this It is fun to look at homes, especially when you like– It's actually a fun afternoon When you're lying to like a real estate agent, that is fun

It's actually a good, I suggest this like creative date A creative date and this could sometimes, this think might move things a little forward too fast if you're not actually serious but you're dating somebody, I would say if you've dated somebody for more than two months and less than one year because after one year, it's not any fun anymore to do this Okay Pretend that you're a married couple looking for a home Two months of dating? You're gonna pretend you're married? Listen, you know me

I think like I'm in a movie, man I'm not gonna do the long play, the slow play thing It's like, I'm like, yeah, it's like it's actually to like– You're not gonna do anything because you're married I'm talking about the proverbial me that's not married and one time, wasn't married This is the kind of thing that I would have done with Jessie

The fantasy single Rhett? I'm saying that this is a good idea because it's kind of like a role play, to feel like it what it would be like to be a couple And then you what? Go into the shower and sort the mail together No, you can't use the shower but I have urinated at an open house but I've never taken a dump Yeah, you better hope that have bread oil is in the bathroom You gonna have to take a dump, man

Somebody's been baking bread in here if you know what I mean Somebody's been baking some pumpernickel in here Why you– Baking some pumpernickel because it's dark brown And you have to pump it? Baking some pumpernickel is like a dookie, man Because it's dark

Because it's dark That was a good joke and most people got it Okay Let's go to the next page Yeah, yeah, I agree with that

We just skipped someone's because it– It wasn't good enough It wasn't good enough What you're into sucked so bad that we just skipped it We're not even gonna tell you about it Amy replied to our prompt and said, "I really love eating burnt toast

"I purposely burned my toast so it'll be nice and crunchy "It just has better flavor, to be honest" She spelled the flavor with a U which means that she's probably from the UK or somewhere over on that side of the pond She's not American Or she just doesn't know how to spell flavor

Do you like burnt toast? Do you think I like burnt toast? Do you wish I like burnt toast because you know I don't? I would be willing to bet many, many dollars that you don't like burnt toast because you don't, you differentiate between the darkness of biscuits I want a light biscuit Every time we go to Bojangles' or anything with a biscuit, it's like, you will hear– Listen, man You will hear this phrase Can you give me a light biscuit? Hey, listen, I don't get to go Bojangles' often

It's a man– And when I go to Bojangles' I'm like– Who is so particular that he has a biscuit preference Yeah, I don't mean the type of biscuit, I mean the lightness of a biscuit Like the opposite of pumpernickel biscuit Right So, yeah, man

I don't know what a Bojangles' that often I mean they're not out here so when I go back home and I'm gonna maximize my Bojangle experience, I want it to be what I want it to be, I want it to be a light biscuit That's not my impression My impression isn't that you– I don't know the– You're trying to maximize, is that you would not enjoy the biscuit if it was a dark biscuit My favorite– You're a racist against biscuit and you're afraid to admit it

My favorite burger is a Shake Shack burger and time before last I went there and I was eating a burger and I was like, something's missing This is amazing but it could be more perfect It's missing onions If you order just like the Shake Shack burger, there's no onions You got to get the he Smoke Stack

That has– Peppers, they're awesome They have peppers They are good but it's like, I like the just the classic taste as well with onions and I had to make a mental note Next time I go in there, I'm gonna add the onions This is my experience

Caramelized or? Yeah, caramelized Okay They said, "We don't have that "but we got something else like that, it has onions" Like yeah, that's what I mean, give it to me Did you stop midway through the burger and get 'em? I thought about that time before last but then I just made a mental note and never make that mistake again and I did the same thing with light biscuits years ago and I've never looked back

I don't like burnt toast because it's burnt Burnt is a pejorative term But if you like that, that's cool for you Jack's bread Okay, let me give you my perspective on, I'm going to use a pan of brownies to make an analogy, okay? So we're not talking toast, we're talking brownies

Fine And again, I think that this is my philosophy about most things in life This is confusing but fine So you got a pan of brownies and you've got people who like the middle brownie and you got people who like edge brownies, you got people who like corner brownies, right? Yeah And then the way that I look at the brownie pan isn't to like, well, I'm a middle brownie man, I'm a corner brownie man, I'm an edge brownie man

Honestly, the way I interact with the pan of brownies is what kind of brownie man am I right now? And sometimes it'll be like– You just look to me like you were totally crazy So it's like you're saying something that's a good point but you looked at me like you were crazy I just think it makes life more interesting to not come to the conclusion of what kind of brownie man you are and just be like, I'm gonna go for the middle and enjoy the gooeyness and then I'm gonna go for the corner and I'm gonna get that crispy and I'm gonna enjoy it And so– Listen, some of us are Optimus Prime and some of us have– And I'm just saying– A loser I feel like approaching toast in that way makes it so that it's like, sometimes, especially when you're not in control because you're not, I mean you're not in control of most of your meals

I mean you're definitely not in control of most your meals, right? 'Cause you don't cook, so therefore– I think I could cook toast if I had to I'm just saying that if you open yourself up to the world of both light biscuits and dark biscuits, then you might appreciate the darkness and the lightness and create a biscuit balance in your life So all that to say– I like soft things, not crunchy things I like– Sometimes, I'm in a burnt toast mood Undercooked things, not burnt things

I get it, and you know what, burnt popcorn, that can be good too But it probably causes cancer Here's a weird one I don't like burnt chicken on the grill but I like a nice charred piece of chicken That tastes good to me

But what if the meat gets dry? That's not good Yeah, a catch-22 Okay, Amanda Marie, you're up She says I collect caution tape from construction sites that she passes Okay, this is a problem

I even have two pieces from crime scenes with officer permission And then she tweeted again after she like thought about what we were probably gonna say and she's like, "I guess I should explain it "I collect it because it reminds me "of all the places I've seen in the world" Well, you only go to construction sites and crime scenes all around the world? Oh, they are all around the world I even have some in other languages

It's a unique way to document my life Yeah, it is unique, I'll give you that, Amanda Marie Caution tape from construction sites and then two pieces from crime scene First of all– So the officer permission really only applies– It's a crime scene I'm trying to play Sherlock Holmes here

Yeah, she's going on construction sites and taking down the stuff that then people mindlessly walk into construction sites into pits and a plethora of problems Well, listen, I mean this is a– You're endangering people Let me just make– With your hobby A couple of observations about Amanda Marie, okay? So, Amanda Murray, her Twitter name, amanda marie, bleak creek, her Twitter name is @lostmythicality and then in her actual profile picture, she's got a picture with us So we know that Amanda Marie is a good person

So we know that– We gotta be, yeah, okay No, no No, I'm not talking about just being nice to her I'm just saying that I am using what I know about her to deduce– She's got great taste in us That she is not taking away tape from like around holes and stuff like that

I think this is probably like, oh, I can tell that this part of the construction site is no longer that important Like, they finished here but no one's taking this down yet, I'm gonna take a little bit of this tape and add to my large collection of crime scene tape Or she only goes to construction sites that have officers present and asks them for permission I just don't know how construction site tape is different from place to place enough to then be able to remember where you were I guess language would help

If you approach this like cont, then you would ask the question One of the ways to figure out if whether or not your actions are morally upright is to ask if everyone were to do what I'm doing, what would the net effect in the world be? There'd be a lot less construction tape And I believe that if everyone did this, there would be a lot more construction accidents because eventually, you're gonna get to the good tape Yeah 'Cause everybody else is gonna take it

So I would have to say that I would limit my activity to the crime scenes with officer permission Yeah, so then you're just creepy but you're not really luring people into an injurious environment But I will say that second one The construction tape is kind of like hmm, okay, I don't know about that one Real-life crime scene tape– The crime scene, that's– That's creepy but– That's the kind of thing that I could get into

Crime scene, do not cross but you can take a little bit if you want it Yeah, and sometimes, I think you can talk to an officer who's got the, I mean, somebody has the roll of crime scene tape I mean it's coming from somewhere, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah So– Utility belt situation? But I don't wanna take that but do you have the roll, can I have a couple of squares with your roll? What is this conversation like? I mean you're walking up to the crime scene, there's officers there They're going about their officer business

Excuse me, officer It's like he's immediately assuming, it's like what happened here? Officers got to put up with that crap of what happened here? What's going on? It's like no, no, no I don't wanna know what happened, I just want some of your tape Can I have some of the tape? The what? So yeah, I collect the tape from places all around the world and it helps me remember where I was when I committed crimes It's like all of a sudden, you're suspect

You know what, it is exactly the kind of thing– A suspect– A serial killer would do in a movie Right I always visit the crime scenes and ask for the tape I have a little jovial exchange with the officer and you know what those suckers do? They give me pieces of tape Right, we've accused Amanda of quite a bit here

But she knows us But we know she's a good person She haven't done any of that stuff You want secret lady spider? Oh, this is similar to the other one I'll put this on there because I thought you'd be into it

I'm super obsessed with abandoned houses and buildings I keep a list of ones near me I want to visit and marathon content of people exploring them on YouTube Yes! I take photos of them and look up their histories of ownership I don't know why, I just think they're neat Yeah, I have– This is Elle

What? Her name is Elle Oh, I thought you were beginning to spell something This is L-I-N-K, reporting for duty I don't know where you were going No, I'm sorry, what were you gonna say? You may have told me about the YouTube channel where the guy goes into the old, there's on that goes to like old malls and stuff

We've talked about it on– There's a number of, this is a YouTube genre Well, and I'll tell you More accessible thing because Elle, I'm with you on this There's a Reddit thread called abandoned porn and it's not just like old pornography that's been thrown in the ditch We found a bunch of those

We found a lot of that growing up Yeah Once you get to the middle of the magazine, it's usually still intact Right, right you can't tell what– You get through the soggy cover

You got to get to the That's true It's kinda like a pan of brownies but the exact opposite

Yeah That's right Soggy on the outside and crispy in the middle Oh, yeah Crispy tot

Oh, gosh A there is a Reddit thread called a abandoned porn and yeah, it's just pictures that people have taken of, like amazing structures I mean, gosh, I mean all types– There's so much stuff like this and both of us are really into this There was like a ferry and like, I don't know, down in the Bayou or something that was abandoned years ago and there was a flood that took this ferry up the river and then when the flood receded, it just stayed there and it was like a, a steam boat with a big wheel in the back Steam boat, yeah

The big big wheel in the back Yeah The paddle in the back thing Paddle steamer And somebody posted a photo of it and then all these people started commenting about where it was and how they'd been to it and every year, they would go there to like spend the summer because it was like near this like camping area or something and every year, the water level would come up and move the ferry and then recede so every year, they would come back and it would be in a different location

And every year, it would be more and more dilapidated and I actually think it's gone now but I don't know how these people discover all these things but– 'Cause you haven't really supposed to get into a lot of them Oh, yeah Jessie gave me a book one year– It's very fascinating Like a coffee table book that was, beautiful pictures of the inside of abandoned structures and old hotels and I absolutely love, love looking at these things but I haven't been in many I think there's a few like old theaters, well, it wasn't really abandoned but is it the Pacific Theatre? Yeah

It's this one on Hollywood that– Hollywood Boulevard It's the one where one of the Warner Brothers like died of a heart attack in the lobby and it's where the first Academy Awards was held Yeah We explored that We explored that

Got on the roof and stuff because we were with somebody who had access to the building We have permission I went downstairs and saw the giant air conditioning unit that like super inefficient It's like a dinosaur With a huge belt, like a belt that was 20 feet across and then in one of the, one of the cool things about touring was we got to play in all these old theaters and we went into the underbelly of this one theater

Yeah, that's right And I don't know where this one was but the entire floor of the theater could be on these hydraulic jacks that are like 20, I mean like 100 years old, could go up and down Could come up to meet the stage and then go down And I don't even know why it worked that way Yeah, I'm into this

You know what, I bet you there's a good, I bet you there's some good VR tours that you can take of these old buildings That's good if I knew that that would be my rec You know what, I'll make this my rec If you're on Reddit the thread is called abandoned porn and like I'm looking at it right now

Medical wing of Eastern State Penitentiary, Westmoreland glass factory in Western Pennsylvania A castle in New York Oh, this one in Bulgaria, Buzludzha monument, Kazanlak, Bulgaria It's an old soviet monument now guarded and barred from entry but it looks like a UFO landed on the edge of a mountain with this big obelisk beside it It looks like something out of James Bond

Yeah, they should put that in a movie I mean, and then you can read about it because I don't know, even if there's only like 10 comments, one of those people will know about it Oh, yeah, it's Reddit It's a amazing People know things

'Cause when we were kids, we would go into– Old houses We would go out into the woods and there'd be cabins Well, next– In the woods that, there'll be trees growing all around it, there'd be no access, I don't know how they got there Do you remember the, we went to the cabin I know Ben and I went there but then I think you and I went there

In the pasture that we used to chase cows in and where the rocks are, if you were to walk, like right where you come into the pasture where we did when we went to Buies Creek but you walk all the way across straight instead of going to the rock so you go past the rocks and keep going straight and going to those woods and keep walking, there was an old house that was just sitting in the middle those woods It was like a Hansel and Gretel type situation because it was a house that had no path, no road, no indication that there ever was a road because it was so old that the entire woods had grown up completely around it Any trees had grown up into it and it was this old house and we would go in there And a lot of, I don't remember that one but a lot of them, you go in the kitchen, there be stuff in the cabinets and the old– This one was way beyond that, like beyond– Can and stuff and and stuff like that But there was the one that one of our friends brother's, like exploded with dynamite

Yeah That had like a fully stocked kitchen with a bunch of old clothes and stuff It was a super creepy We had a lot of fun there And near my nanny's house, like I would drive her golf cart over to this, there was this abandoned house and I went in there and there were hand-drawn murals on the wall of anatomically-correct women

Naked Anatomically-correct, it might be pushing it Did I show it to you? No, I'm just saying I remember the proportions of the, most of the time, that portions of the parts were– No, this is– Not true-to-life This is very accurate Really? it was like a medical drawing? Yeah, I learned a lot

Okay And it's funny because on "Dolly Parton's America", like that podcast series, she tells the story of going into– Learning a lot about sex An abandoned church that had, I don't know what it is about abandoned homes that make people wanna draw like, well, abandoned porn Well, you don't wanna do in your own home Especially if you're gonna take a whole wall

Yeah, where else can you just draw a naked person with their legs spread? You can't do that in your house You got to do it in an abandoned house Did I say leg spread or did you remember I told you that before? Because I didn't know if I wanted to say that Well, I've got specific memories of going into abandoned houses and like going into the living room like a full– Yeah, like a fresco This is it

I've never seen a fresco get that fresh All right, I think we had a good time Yeah, hopefully you've learned some things I think it didn't suck I think if there's any apologies owed, just go ahead and pre-apologize to Marcel

Yeah, Marcel the puppeteer Especially for Link saying that he was about to rip him a new one But that didn't end up happening because we talked about how the proper way to approach puppets And then maybe you might need, I don't know if we need to apologize to Amanda Marie We just need to make sure that she understands her Miranda rights

True We'll speak at you next week #EarBiscuits To watch more "Ear Biscuits", click on the playlist on the right To watch the previous episode of "Ear Biscuits", click on the playlist to the left

And don't forget to click on the circular icon to subscribe If you prefer to listen to this podcast, it's available on all your favorite podcast platforms Thanks for being your mythical best

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