If We Could Witness Any Historical Event

Welcome to Ear Biscuits, the podcast where two life-long friends talk about life for a long time Hey

I'm Link And I'm Red This week, at a table that is round, but there's not dim lighting, it's a different table At our creative palace We're going to be having a conversation that was spurred by a question that was asked during one of the AMA sessions over on the Mythical Society

We do that, I don't know how often we do that Is it monthly? Ah, is it every month? Seems like it It seems like every month It's gotta be every month And Kimberley– Society members ask us anything, and then we answer them

Yeah, yeah For a whole hour Whole hour We're both sitting around laptops answering questions I didn't answer this question, by the way

And I don't know the answer to your question, so Well, I'm not gonna give you the answer I'll give you the question I was like, I was thinking about this question last night, and I was like, this will be a good thing to hear Link's answers, and also to analyze my, what I'm gonna call my knee-jerk answers So, the question was, if you could witness any historical event, what would it be? Go back and witness any historical event

And, again, when you're doing an AMA, I mean, my philosophy is, I want to answer as many questions as possible You know, it's not that I'm not being thoughtful, but I'm not like You don't wanna over-think it– I've really gotta think about this 'Cause it's live and, you know, they're waiting for the answer to the question, and you wanna get through a bunch of them Right, and– That's why I didn't even choose that one, 'cause I'm like, dang, that's a big question

Well, a lot of times I would avoid that question, a question like that, like this, because of what my answers were, but that's why I wanted to talk about it Just in the name of vulnerability, self-exploration, introspection, I thought it would be interesting to go back, I'll go through my answers, which again, I've actually thought a little bit about them and I was like, I probably wouldn't answer this exactly the same way, but I wanna explore what my answers say about me And then I wanna hear your answers, of course You've had a little bit, we talked about it last night, so you've had a little bit more time to think about it Yeah, and I, you know, when you first pitched this as an Ear Biscuit, I was, let's not do that one because, like, I was not in a frame of mind to figure it out

Like, it's a very intimidating question I mean, I don't know enough about history Like, all of a sudden, I feel exposed It's like, there should be an obvious answer Now, I'll talk about my process and a little bit about how I arrived at my answers when I give them to you

To clarify, first of all, you're not drinking beer for those of you watching, not that that would be, that there's anything wrong with it, but it's not apple juice either It's Kombucha But it's a Kombucha I gave three answers because I couldn't narrow it down, and I said my three answers in chronological order are, and so you've also given three answers Yeah

Even though that wasn't what Kimberley was asking, she was just asking for one, couldn't narrow it down to one So, that's what we're gonna talk about today But before we talk about that What? Let's talk about the fact that we're both wearing shorts Oh, I see you looking at my, are you looking at my legs or my shorts? Well, I'm looking at your shorts, but it's hard not to see your legs because your shorts are incredibly, may I say, unnecessarily– Nay, I say

Dare I say, unnecessarily short Now, okay, I'm gonna stand up and for those of you watching, I'm gonna show you my shorts Go ahead and show them your shorts You look like a freaking, golf shorts? Plaid shorts These are stylish, man

Now, we don't, as a policy, we don't wear shorts to work or on video, but admittedly, I have gone to an extreme here I mean, I'm gonna stand on my tip-toes so you can see That's my leg there That's a lot of leg That's a lot more leg

This is like a jogger's short Yeah, these are swim trunks, 'cause I've been working on my tan line, and I like my tan line to be very high Why don't I just do the podcast standing like this? Some people do that Just be standing Some people do it while walking

You stay seated, and I'll stay standing But the reason why I'm wearing shorts is not because, you know, it's liable to be in the mid-90s, but I have got a break-out of poison ivy The temperature, you mean? We're not going back in time to the mid-'90s Yeah, it's really hot Dude, look at this thigh

Look at my right thigh See my tan line there? I mean, that's not a break-out, that's like you've got a touch of poison ivy Oh, you think that's– You have a crescent of poison ivy I have a crescent of poison ivy I mean, I've been covered with poison ivy

That's four inches You think that's four inches? That explains a lot How long is that? That is not four inches First of all, you're going past it That's three, actually no, it's three inches if you

Well, you're going too far on that side Well, I don't wanna touch it Well, then, three inches It's about four inches You have a three-inch crescent of poison ivy

This is not a life-altering situation I also have two dots right here on my hand because it spreads via your blood stream And that's where I first noticed it I'm like, man, just below my knuckle is itching What is that? An itching zit? I'm like, oh no, I remember this feeling

We used to get it in high school all the time 'cause we'd be constantly getting poison ivy because we'd be gallivanting in the woods And then, right here on this, so that's my right knuckle, my left shoulder, look at that One dot right there And that dot itches like mad And then I realized, you know what? I've been scratching my thigh under my britches

I took my pants off two days ago Britches And there's this crescent, four-inch crescent Three, three-inch At least

If that, I'd say two point, 28 inches So, I've been applying rubbing alcohol to it because that's what the internet told me to do to help dry it out I mean you can take– No calamine? No That doesn't happen anymore? I'm just trying to dry it out and give it some relief, but at a certain stage, oh man, I am reminded of when I had a whole lot

Like, my whole leg will be eat up with it And my whole leg would turn into like one solid welt Welp? What's the consonant at the end of that word? Welp? Welt? I think it's a welt It welt up, man Even this much had me up multiple times last night, 'cause I would wake up scratching it

Well, because you're only addressing the dryness of it, you're not soothing it with anything That's what calamine does You've gotta soothe it Well, it does soothe it You can't just dry it

It cools it off You're waking up scratching it, it's obviously something's not working Well then, I've gotta go put more alcohol on it You can't let a 28-inch crescent of poison ivy ruin your night's sleep

I'd love for you to get it You know, I'm gonna take some, whatever oozes off it, and under this table I'm gonna rub it on you That's not how it spreads Can't get it like that Well, you get it from the oil in the plant

The oil in the plant's gone, friend Now you're just having a reaction I can't get a reaction from you having a reaction So, you're saying that the oil that comes out of the thing– That's not oil, that's pus Pus? Yeah, you're not leaking poison oil

Fine, I'm gonna rub my pus all over you, if you won't shut up about it That would be very unpleasant, but I would not get a crescent from it Just reminds me, after I go in the woods, I took Lando in the woods, good gosh, I'm so glad he didn't get it Did you wear 'Cause he'd be freaking out Shorts that short in the woods? No, but I sat down for a while and I think that's when it happened

I don't know It could have entered my blood stream somewhere else, and then popped up there on my leg 'cause I was scratching my leg for another reason I don't know much about poison ivy, but I don't think you can get it on your leg and have your blood stream take it to your hand I think that it spreads within the section through the blood stream, but not, like, to another extremity I mean, any scientist, any poison ivy scientists We'll have to figure it out

Hashtag EarBiscuits Let us know I just don't think it's possible I'll be good by then I think you got it on your hand 'cause you touched it, and I think you got it on your leg 'cause you sat down

We got it so bad in high school, I had to go to the doctor and get a cortisone shot, no steroid shot, same thing Oh yeah So anyway, yeah, I'm wearing shorts in order to air out my pussy leg Oh God, I'm scared, careful Why are you wearing shorts? 'Cause we don't do that

Well, I'm wearing shorts because while we record this podcast here, we don't run the AC and it gets hots, it gets very hot I mean, by the end of this I'll be a shiny, sweaty mess because we can't run the AC I mean, we should just run the AC and let people deal with the noise Go turn it on I brought a sweatshirt 'cause I knew you were gonna insist on it

That's crazy After last time But it's interesting that even when we worked– It's not crazy, it's being prepared When we worked in Lillington, just the two of us, in that basement, which did have a window unit, we wore jeans every single day Like, we made, we wore flip-flops with our jeans, and we wore t-shirts, but we had this, like, idea that you can't get work done in shorts

What we really decided is, you know what? We're not gonna wear shorts in videos My legs aren't gonna appear in videos You look like a hack I'm sure Mister Beast could get away with it I'm sure he wears shorts in his videos

I've never watched one, tell me Are you calling Mister Beast a hack? No, I'm just saying he can get away with it because he has a different aesthetic It's just, like, a dude with really, really good ideas, the best ideas, the best ideas on the internet maybe, in terms of performance You can't argue with the numbers Am I a little bitter? I've never watched his videos, how could I be bitter? Or jealous? But, I mean, I could see him wearing shorts

I think he does I know he has a big straw hat that he wears We try too hard to wear shorts, because that undermines the whole thing, but maybe that's it Maybe that's what we're discovering If we would just start wearing shorts, why not wear shorts? I mean, Shia Labeouf wore shorts on "Hot Ones"

Yeah, he did And he didn't care Well, I've been thinking seriously about wearing shorts to the office because of this This is our problem To the actual office

You know, we're talking about– But I don't wanna set the wrong tone People are liking "Good Mythical More" Some people are saying they like "Good Mythical More" more than they like "Good Mythical Morning", the show before it, the actual show And we're starting to figure out, oh they're picking up on something, right? The shorts It's that we change into shorts mentally

Mentally, we change into shorts for "Good Mythical More" This is just for anybody It's more unbuttoned If you wanna be here, you can be here, but we're not gonna beg you to be here, and we're not gonna care what you think about us if you are here We're in this together

Right I think that's the key to "Good Mythical More" is that we put on our mental shorts And you know what? This is gonna be a good podcast 'cause we've got physical shorts on, but my thigh's kind of pussy and itchy But your particular shorts, if we're going to wear shorts to the office, or begin wearing shorts more often, I don't think you can wear that kind of short I'm a little bit, I'm approaching– Mine are dressier

Yeah And longer And embarrassing That's a seven-and-a-half-inch difference By the way, this is seven-and-a-half-inches

I'm pointing to my inseam That's what seven-and-a-half-inches looks like I mean, are you going golfing later? Actually I might later, yeah Okay, well then, you're ready But see– I'm ready to go swimming

Plaid shorts look good on anyone at any time The only reason I'm wearing these shorts, the shortest shorts I've got, is because the other shorts they go half way on the crescent, and they chafe it Okay They chafe my crescent Roll them up

The thing about plaid shorts is you can be ready for anything You can be ready to have a mai thai poolside, but you can also have a business transaction You could not do business in those shorts You could only run from business Or run to a business meeting and then change into a legitimate outfit

I don't like how we look in shorts on camera, in a full body shot I'm starting to like the way I look in shorts Well, I'm not Okay These'll be the shorts that I wear if that's where we're going

Let's, okay then, I'll put on three pairs of pants if that's what it takes Okay, we're gonna talk about these historical events that we would like to witness But first, we're gonna talk about how you should groom yourself like a chimpanzee, and you can do that with our help because we've got palm-aid, we've got beard oil, we've got lip balm I mean, your whole, at least from the neck up, we can make you look like a million bucks I think we still have some cologne too

It may be gone away, so if you wanna collect that, it may be too late If there's some left, it is the last of it That's for sure And I hate that because I really love the scent Grooming products galore, mythical

com smell like us Yeah But you know, style like yourself You know, express yourself on your head and on your lips Okay– And in your heart

And on your thighs Okay, so you answered this question I mean, you somehow came up with three answers to if you could travel back in time and witness any event in history Now, there's no exact timeline, but there's a couple of ground rules here that were implied, that at least, I assumed One is you can't change history, you can't have any impact on it, right? That was implied

I also assumed that– I'm probably gonna disagree with this, I can tell by the look in your eye That it couldn't kill you Like, I mean, if someone said I'm gonna go back to, I wanna see a specific volcano erupting, like there's one huge eruption that a lot of people say they wish they could go back and see, but it'd probably kill you So I'm assuming that you would be safe I disagree with that

So okay, your assumption was that you wouldn't stay safe Oh no, no, I thought you were saying you could be killed When I give you my first answer you'll understand that– You're in a hypothetical but, what's the word, bubble of safety So, I assume that as well And in terms of how much time, there's a little flex here, but it really can't be more than, like, 24-hours

I mean, if it's a, if you wanted to go see a concert, maybe you could do that, but I don't know that you could go to, like, a week-long festival The funny thing about all three of my answers is I'd probably need about a minute Oh really? Yeah A minute Right

'Cause I was thinking, okay, it seems like we're thinking differently Well, okay, so and this was knee-jerk, but these were the assumptions you brought to it, but then you were like, all I need is a minute? Well, 'cause I'm going back, well, let me explain Give me one And I'm going in chronological order And so the first one was– The big bang

The moment just before the big bang Okay, I was right Which again, the moment before the big bang is, I guess, theoretically unwitnessable because there was nothing to But that's the thing, was there nothing to witness? And I'm also assuming that if there is some God who instituted the big bang, I would be able to see this God do the work, right? So, once again, it's not something– First thing I'd be looking at is is God wearing shorts? Did God just light the fuse to the big bang? That would be my second thing Is God in shorts? And is there some sort of lighter? Is it one of those BIC lighters, those are frustrating No, no, I assume God has one of the long lighters You gotta push and pull the trigger Like, he's got the one I light my grill with

Right when you get one of those things, you crank it up all the way Or is this just me? Every time I get a new one of those longy trigger lighter things, you know where it's got that knob, it's like the negative-positive slider Go all the way, yeah I hit that thing all the way to positive and and I'm like, wow, it's like a torch I think God has a butane lighter

And then after that– Like for cigars Even like– 'Cause he would definitely smoke cigars The next time I use Well, don't call God a he Maybe they, maybe God, I'll just say God, maybe God lit the big bang with a cigar they were already smoking That's not– When you start a fire with a thing that's in your mouth, that you're already smoking, that's about as badass as you can be Like, in a movie when you've covered somebody in gasoline and like, lit a trail to them Right, right, right, God need not be badass

He has nothing to prove to you He? Oh Yeah, you did it Yeah, it's hard not to Just tradition

Okay, but I thought– But then after a couple of uses, even though that thing's on the plus, the flame is so small Yeah, well, let's get back to the nature of the question, and not God's lighter That's fair So, again, obviously– You wanna know how it started Well, yeah

I mean, you'll see all my questions relate to these kinds of issues, that was where my mind was at at the time when I answered this question It wasn't like, what would be cool to witness? And what would be fun to witness? It was, what would unravel the deepest mysteries of the universe, if I had the ability to go do that, right? Knowledge So, in this one in particular, this question in particular, you know, when we shared our deconstruction stories For those of you who don't know, a few months ago we did a series called "The Lost Years" where we talked about our history growing up and becoming adults, working in Christian ministry, evangelical Christians, and now we're no longer, we no longer identify as that I identify as what I call a hopeful agnostic

And it's interesting, people, lots of people, on both sides, were like, well, you really can't just be an agnostic, you're either an agnostic theist or an agnostic atheist And I'm like, okay, that may be your opinion, but I'm not gonna label myself with what you want me to label myself Because the thing that I am agnostic about is whether or not God exists, so I'm not gonna be an agnostic theist, or an agnostic atheist, because that represents a disposition in one direction or the other Or, to me, it represents, like, you know, the agnostic atheist would be like, I definitively am saying that, I'm not even gonna try and put words in your mouth, the people who told me that I needed to identify as one or the other I'm just saying I don't identify as, I just identify as an agnostic

But, I have a, like I say, I'm a hopeful agnostic, right? So you don't know, but you hope to know And I'm not saying that I hope, necessarily, there is a God in the traditional sense of, like, the Christian God, you know, a personal God that has this very specific interest in everybody's life, and is sitting in judgment or sitting in love, or both, or righteousness, or whatever your description of God would be But, I just have this thing that I can't let go of, which is it can't, it could be, but there's a part of my brain that's just like, it just can't be just the universe, right? Could it really just be the universe? I mean, I guess, theoretically, practically, scientifically, yes it could just be, because you get back to the argument where you're like, well God created it And you're like, well, who created God? So then God, kind of, becomes your de facto universe that has always existed But that's where the big bang raises this question because it's basically saying there was a beginning, right? And there was potentially nothing before it, or maybe there was, it exploded out of another universe

Or maybe it was another universe that collapsed on itself and then exploded again And I feel like if I could go back right before it– It would be all of existence breathing, and it would be the beginning, the end of an in-breath and a beginning of another out-breath But most of the current data suggests that, they thought for a long time that maybe after millions, billions of years of expansion, that our universe would then begin to collapse back on itself, but it's actually speeding up, and it seems like we're just gonna, sort of– Dissipate? Slowly, everything would just homogenize throughout the universe, so there's really no falling back together and blowing up again Who knows? I mean, that's what things, that's what it seems like right now but they could make a new discovery to change that Yeah, so if you go right before the big bang, would you be seeing stuff, I mean you wouldn't see anything

Even if things were coming back together I mean, you said, you'd only need a minute for this? Like, the moment before the big bang, what? I don't think you would learn anything No, I would either see a bunch of shit collapsing on itself right before it comes down to that moment Or I would see nothing, and you can't, I mean literally, if nothing exists, I couldn't see anything Like, where would I be placed? It doesn't exist

Maybe I would just destroy myself by trying to see this But again, we're– You're in a hypothetical safety bubble I'm in a bubble Or maybe, if I was to enter into some sort of, like, spiritual state in which it was, oh, this is what you might call God existing on their own without any separate creation And I'm assuming that in my hypothetical bubble, I would be able to witness that as well

That's a risky one though I mean, it would, it could really screw you up psychologically, I don't think the bubble could help with that I don't think it could protect you psychologically And honestly, I don't know what would change in my life depending on the answer, because as I may have not said this, but– Well, based on this answer, okay I think I know where you're going with another one

'Cause it's not that I don't believe in God I don't know And if it turns, if I went back and I saw, oh no, this is purposeful, ultimately purposeful, and there's an intelligent being behind it, it's not like I would back-track on everything and be like, oh I've gotta go be a Christian again Because the reasons I'm not a Christian are not based on a rejection of the Kalam cosmological argument, you know what I'm saying? Okay, right The reason I'm not a Christian is because I don't believe the tenets of Christianity and the historical basis of Christianity as reliable

And maybe we'll get back to that one All right, so are we going to? Let's go back and forth, yeah I think we're gonna pick up with this conversation, right here, where we're gonna leave it off for a second because I mean, like I said, this is kind of an intimidating question for me I couldn't rattle off three things off the top of my head I guess, because I was also thinking, what would be a cool thing to witness? And then I said, and learn something? But also be fun to talk about

Honestly, that became another criteria And the first thing that came to my mind was how did the Egyptians freaking build the pyramids? That's a good one I mean, the huge freaking pyramid I mean, they haven't figured it out Aliens

You got like, 80-ton granite blocks– Awolens, as Lachie used to say when he was a kid A-what? Awolens Awolens Awolens, it was awolens, Dad 80-ton granite stones, they had to move 500-miles

So then I'm trying to figure out, if I'm gonna only be there for a day, I could definitely witness how they did it, some people say slave labor, some people say that it's skilled labor, there's hundreds of people, there's thousands of people They estimate that it took a couple of hundred years to build the pyramids Really? Yes A couple of hundred years? Yes Okay, then it probably wasn't awolens

Right It was probably just people 'Cause they don't have that type of patience I think aliens would have done it a lot faster But look that up, verify it

How long it'd take to build the pyramids You know how I am with numbers That's a good point So I had to try and figure out, okay, if I go back, I could kind of solve this mystery You know, I could say, well this is how they did it

I'm into systems, you know, into production systems as an industrial engineer by degree So, I thought that would be cool I thought I could come back and it'd be cool to say, "Well, when I was there, "I couldn't understand what they were saying" You know it's like, I also assume that the language barrier is intact Which, that surprises me, that's a problem

100 years 100 years Edgar Case reported that it took 100 years to build the Great Pyramid Most of the blocks were limestone quarried at Giza or nearby It's still a long time but that's not an alien timeline

Aliens would be like I think they're saying A weekend The limestone rocks are from nearby, but they were just the outer part of the pyramid That now, the vast majority of that is gone 'Cause you know, I was trying to figure out– 'Cause it was smooth at one point

Yeah, do I wanna see the pyramid, like, on the day of its completion, like, whatever coronation or the ribbon-cutting ceremony First of all, I would just like to see the pyramids, in general But there's a lot of smog, and I think– Smog is a problem? Smog is a problem, and there's a lot of pollution there on the– Because Lach and I were thinking about, Egypt was one of the potential places on our list You can't, you don't wanna go when it's exasperatingly hot because I know how you look in shorts Can you wear shorts over there? Certain countries you just can't, you shouldn't be wearing shorts

I believe you can, as a dumb tourist or something But they put limestone, smooth limestone pieces that they cut and made the whole outside of it smooth and white, and this thing, I would have loved to have seen it during the ribbon-cutting because it would have been a shimmering 450-foot tall pyramid It would be awesome, but it's not as– In the middle of the desert And I could probably still find out how they did it No, you can't, not at the coronation, unless the aliens are still there and they cut the ribbon and get in their saucer and go away

I think I would go for one day while they were building it, like, at the two-thirds point At some point while they're still hauling big rocks, because I can't talk to them I can talk to them but they wouldn't understand me Right But I think that's what I would do

I like where you're heading with this Kind of an obvious answer But I feel like, most likely, I'd say 997% chance, that if you went back in the middle of the building process, it would be like, oh okay, this engineering technique That's impressive

Pulleys, levers, log-roads, whatever You know, it'd be some of the theories that exist already But is gonna be like– There's a new theory, that they turned the desert into, like, mud roads Yeah, it's something– I would be into that But it'd be pretty cool

I'd be into that You could come back and you could be on one of those shows on SciFi and you could be like, "Listen, I know this guy "with the big hair thinks that aliens did it, but I, "the man in the short shorts, I took a bubble back "to the time and I can tell you definitively" People probably wouldn't believe you though I mean, when I looked at the ancient temples in Thailand when I toured them, and walked around them, and walked right up to a lot of them, I mean, they're like, not nearly as tall as the Great Pyramid or anything, but it was really cool to That's the first time I've ever been around ruins, you know? Which I've talked about on this podcast before

But it was cool to just imagine what it was like in its hay-day In its hay-day, yeah Ribbon cutting But you could, kind of, go to other temples around Thailand and then see that too So, I didn't really feel like I needed to travel back in time

You can be like, this is what it looks like, this is what it probably looked like Yeah, but that would be cool Okay, so since we've got four more to cover between the two of us Yeah, what's your next one? My next one was the moment of abiogenesis So, the moment that the first life-form came to be, right? That has to look boring

Like, what are you, you're talking about– Listen, again, I'm telling you my knee-jerk responses Would you take a microscope? Now that I've thought about it more, it's like, yeah, I couldn't witness it I wouldn't know what was going on Well, probably something with some amino acids coming together to form a more complex structure Yeah, it's not really visible to the naked eye

But, here's the thing Just change it to dinosaurs Just say dinosaurs I'm not changing it 'cause you've gotta roll with me here and understand what I'm going for Because again, I would have one minute, all I need's a minute, to tell you whether one of two or three things is happening, right? So, if you go back to this moment, you know, many people would say, well, that moment doesn't exist, right? There was never a moment in which life sprung from inorganic materials, right? Because God did it, right? According to the Bible or whatever your religious text of choice would be, right? So that there's not a moment, or if it was a moment, it's something that you would be able to ascertain whether or not it was supernatural

So, if you just asked to go back, if you rubbed the lamp and it was like, okay, I'm gonna send you back to the moment of, what did you call it? Abiogenesis? Abiogenesis, yeah It's be like, all of a sudden, there would be like, Adam would show up, like, "Hey man" Right, but, so I think there's a very, very small chance that anything like that happened, right? So that's not why I'm going back And I actually think that if there is a God who has a purpose for the universe, it would be very difficult to ascertain the purpose in any other moment in history of the world, other than right before the big bang, right? To me, that's a more definitive point because even if life sprung from inorganic material at some point of the distant past, and then it slowly has evolved into what we have today, that's an amazing thing and that may require a God, but it isn't like, it's the kind of thing you look at and there's a qualitative conclusion which you come to which is I believe that there has to be a God for this process It isn't like I saw a big finger come in and touch the water

You know what I'm saying? In other words, I don't think you would ascertain a supernatural moment So, that's not really what I'm going for But it's whether or not it did happen, or if it was awolens And I'm serious about this one Because I think that it's a legitimate– First of all, can I just say as a tangent that, I mean, we know that there's, when I talk about the Adam and Eve of it all, we know that there's Christians who think that if you went back in time you would go back to a microscopic amino acid level, you know, point in the evolutionary process that then there are many that believe that, like, the first human

That was part of it, and they would go back there too That's what I'm saying But there's still an Adam that could be like, some divine injection of a consciousness or soul

No, that was my point My point was if I went back to that moment, again, like you said, many Christians believe in the scientific timeline of how things happened, they just think God is responsible for it Right And even if you're able to figure out how to synthesize amino acids into some more complex life-form in a lab, all you're doing is proving that it takes some sort of intelligent input in order to happen, right, and that's what God was responsible for I get that

So back to what you're saying, if you went back to see if there was an alien deposit made on this planet Right, because there's some really interesting things You've got the Cambrian Explosion, right, where all of a sudden, in the fossil record there's all these complex organisms that seem to, kind of, come out of nowhere on a geological scale And so, my best guess is there's still a natural explanation for all this stuff, but– Then you should look at the Cambrian Explosion on my right thigh But what if the very first thing that happened was like a alien coming in with a little thing and it's like, here's– A syringe

Let's syringe this planet Why are you motioning a syringe from a nipple? All aliens extract life juice from their nipples It makes that noise Sadly, I don't think you'd see anything, because– Well, probably not, I'd be able to– An alien who's that advanced, even if the alien it would be some sort of, you probably wouldn't see anything They're not gonna waste their time and energy to physically show up and doink doink

No, but I'm saying that, in my hypothetical bubble, I would be able to be present Even if they, I'm not saying they showed up and squeezed it out of their literal nipple, but maybe they had, like, some sort of cosmic, you know, quantum-powered needle that flew through the universe and then tracked itself onto habitable planets and planted the seeds of life What if that's what happened? What if that ends up being the explanation for why there's life on earth and elsewhere potentially? Because some other species– I just think they would be so advanced that you wouldn't be able to witness anything meaningful To you But anything out of the ordinary

Yeah Anything mechanical I'm saying I think I would be able to see something I think I'm influenced by the three body problem They start talking about how different beings operate on so many different dimensions, like, fourth, fifth, tenth dimension, that we can't even interact in

We haven't talked about this We're gonna not only do a podcast about it, but we've talked about how we're actually going to try to do it, but there are people, there's a large movement out there, and because the theory is aliens are operating on a different plane of existence, what we might call a spiritual plane, you can actually, sort of like, what was the name? Coast to coast, what was that radio show? Coast to Coast, yeah Who was the host of Coast to Coast? Jim? Bohannon? Maybe, I don't know What a great show But there's a lot of people, and not just people that you would just traditionally call a quack, but people that seem to be– Now that you think you might be one, they're not a quack

No, but I like to allow myself to believe the possibility and we actually have some pretty good friends that we trust, who have had experiences that are difficult to explain I prefer the phrase entertain the possibility, because I think that is part of my motive, is that even if it's not true, it's fun to engage in, and until it gets scary Right, so anyway, that is something for the future that we may be legitimately trying to make contact with aliens Okay, so my second one I have to believe this is your third one

Oh, okay I mean, the whole Jesus of it all You're going back in time, I mean, if you grew up in a way different than us, you might say Buddha Right But probably not, and I'll explain why when I get to my answer

I had to say Jesus because I have so many questions that I hung my life on, and then like, I've taken my coat rack off of the Jesus rod Oh my God Oh gosh, I didn't mean that You should have thought about that analogy a little bit more What's it called? The thing you hang your clothes on? A curtain rod, I mean rod is the correct word

It's not a curtain rod, it's a closet rod Right, yeah Now, I'm like, my clothes are just all floating So, I'm trying to figure out, okay, is that, am I gonna go back to the, again, I'm thinking, it's gotta be less than 24-hours so I can't go back to, like, the execution of Jesus and then wait for three days, and hang out at the right spot to see if he comes, if he raises from the dead I don't know why you're getting hung up on the timeline because yes, this is my third, I just said, the resurrection or non-resurrection of Jesus

So, the resurrection– I'm assuming that the person in charge of granting this wish, who ironically is probably God– Could plop you down in the right spot Puts us in the right spot In the tomb Inside of the tomb Maybe outside of the tomb

You probably don't wanna be in it I ended up landing on, you know, when Jesus started appearing to people When Jesus appeared to– But you wouldn't know what he looked like, so– When Jesus appeared to the disciples in the upper room, yeah, I wouldn't know what he looked like, but Even in the Bible, it talks about the first time that they saw him, they didn't even recognize him Yeah, that's interesting

Which was always interesting to me Well, I thought about that So you're shooting that down, and then I'm like– Why not the moment– Okay, what about just a miracle Like, witnessing the– That's what I'm talking about Well not the resurrection because I think that's hard to witness

You mean like feeding the 5,000? Yeah, feeding, he's breaking– Walking on water He's breaking up some loaves and fishes Water to wine Water to wine? Bringing somebody back from the dead Restoring their eyesight

Yeah, I think it's gotta be raising Lazarus from the dead It's gotta be that one I think that feeding the– That was pretty– I think that feeding the 5,000 is one that you could not, like, Lazarus could have been, it could have been like, this guy hasn't been dead for as long as they realized, or they thought, maybe he was just really sick You know what I'm saying? There's other ways to squirrel out of that one But the feeding the 5,000 is like, all right, we got– You don't have to know– We got a couple of fishes and loaves

You don't know the medical condition of someone, was he really blind before Jesus made the mud pie in his eye? Yeah I was thinking about that one too because, like, I saw this kid bring this bread and these fish and I was right there, and then it just just kept coming And the reason I'm choosing the resurrection, because first of all, I mean, my best guess, again, I'm in the upper-90% on this, not to be dismissive of many millions of people, billions of people believe that these things happen I don't So, my best guess is that story, the feeding of the 5,000, you would go back and either A, it never happened at all Like, it's completely made up

Or, B, it's based on, like, this one time that, you know, they made a lot of food go really far and it was pretty impressive, and it got turned into the story that it is Whatever, right? But the resurrection– But if you went back to that time and then it was a flop, or nothing happened, it'd be like, okay, it didn't happen Okay, so that's what I wanted to get at because, again– And this is not enough to rule out every other thing, but it would– Well, that's why I'd go back to the resurrection because it is the crux of it all Sure it is, it's just hard to know It's not hard to know

If you're in the tomb, yes, and he's dead and then all of a sudden he sits up And it's not like he comes out, like, all beat up The dude comes out with a new body And there's an angel there Yeah, this is definitive stuff

Okay, yeah And also it is the crux of it all Just like Paul said, you know, if Christ didn't rise from the dead, then this is all in vain Like, we should be pitied above all people I'll go with that then

And so– That's a pretty big deal But, for me– This should have been our first answer Well, I was going– Chronologically Chronological, but I was also, kind of, going to the biggest question, which is is there purpose behind all this? And, like I said, I tend to believe that, I tend to want to believe that there is And then there's the second question is like, is there some point of intervention in the origin of life? And then this, is really zeroing in on something that is just very personal to us, right? The philosophy that we hung our clothes on, whatever your analogy was, for the majority of our lives, and based a lot of our early life decisions on, is predicated on the idea that this actually happened, right? That Jesus did raise from the dead and, kind of, everything flows from that

And then you're able to take other things, like feeding the 5,000, and be like, well, if he rose from the dead, sure he could do this, right? But, I was interested in the fact that that was one of my answers, right? Because I think, again, it was a knee-jerk response, but I'm like, why do you want to go back to that moment? 'Cause you don't know No, but I feel like I don't know, but I feel like, again, what are the– If you someone raised from the dead, you'd be blown away You'd be like, that would be a surprise That's not what you're expecting to see Not even close to what I'm expecting to see

What I'm expecting to see is either, I believe that the information we have about the post, the life of Jesus, and especially like, the post-death events, is like, I think is legend, right? You know, I think that, I'm not one of these people that are saying, well, this is my, I have subscribed to one of these, like the swoon theory, or one of these other ideas that he wasn't really dead, and then he fooled people into coming back I would just be like, he just was a dude that was a revolutionary, that everybody loved, and he got killed, and then because people wanted to keep his memory alive, they There's some, humans can freaking invent all kinds of stuff, right? I mean, look at what's happening in our country right now

There's a bunch of people who won't wear a damn mask It's like, and they'll die over this So it's like, it doesn't take much– Yeah, I think what you're saying is people die for all types of beliefs Right And also, the whole idea that the disciplines died for a lie is, and that's proof, and that's super-suspect, and we actually don't know that's the case, 'cause we don't actually know definitively, historically, the circumstances of their deaths

So anyway, but– I would really like to know though It'd be better than talking about it like we are right now Right Hey, I was there Right, but I think for me, it would be like– The thing is there were people who say they were there, and then, you know, it's– Right, right, but I guess what I'm saying is– But it's not definitive

It's frustrating For me, it would be there's just like, okay, and I'm not saying that, legitimately, I do not sit up at night, I don't think about this on a regular basis, but it was when that question was asked, it was like, you know, let's scratch that off the list, because not just for me personally, but again, it's not like I'd come back and say, "Hey guys, it didn't happen, "I went into the bubble and it didn't happen" All these people would be like, "We're not Christians anymore" Like, it doesn't work that way But it was this thing like, okay, that must still mean more to me than I even realize, right? The need to want to confirm the decision that I've made, to come to the conclusion that it didn't happen

Yeah, definitely I think a part of this is also, I don't know if, did you end up reading "The Universal Christ" by Richard Rohr? No, not yet, at least So, Richard Rohr, who's a Franciscan Monk, who's written a bunch of incredible books, from a very different perspective on Christianity than the one we, kind of, came up with And it's definitely a much more palatable form of Christianity for me personally But, I really like the way he thinks about the idea of what Jesus is, and what Jesus represents, and what the Christian life is all about

I mean, so much so that I'm like, I could get into that Like, when I read his work, that's how I think 'cause it's just like, it's a way to, kind of, capture the hope that I have, and also apply it to the tradition that I still know relatively well, but not in a dogmatic way where it's just like Christianity, for me, most of my life, was a set of principles, basically a set of statements that you had to agree with, right? And he's like, that's not what it is

It's basically a way of being Which is an attractive thing But he talks, he believes in the resurrection He actually talks about it in "The Universal Christ" and talks about the moment of resurrection, he anticipates it would be like you would see light pouring out of the tomb I haven't read it recently, so I'm not getting this right

But the idea that it was like a dude walking out and talking to people, and I'm not sure exactly what he believes, but he's basically saying that this is like a cosmic event that represents something much bigger than traditionally we've given it credit for So I think that it was, kind of, on my mind a little bit It's like, okay, if I go back and see what I'm expecting, which is, you know, some natural explanation, body stolen, it wasn't even as eventful Maybe his body was consumed by animals, which often happened to people who were crucified Lots of different explanations

But if I went back and I saw the light, or I saw him emerge Or even just an angel If it's like, hey you just missed it, like everybody else, by the way Yeah I'm sure it can be seen as a beautiful thing, but to me, it's a frustrating thing

It's like, something so momentous, no one saw it I mean, Jesus appeared to people afterward According to Paul, up to 500 at one time But it was a small movement, man And it wasn't, you know? It's frustrating

Well, again, I think knowing– I don't want to– But knowing what we know about the way people work, and the way people begin to believe things, and the people's disposition to believe things, it is not unbelievable to me at all that there could have been absolutely nothing that happened, and still the movement would have started I know people say that you can't explain the beginning of Christianity without the resurrection, I just disagree with that But, I think that if I saw it– Because look at the other movements that started Look at all types of movements, big and small But I think that the idea

Because I think the question is if I were to see something, if I were to see something that was not what I was expecting, but it was the resurrection in some form, like, what would that do to me, right? Would I all of a sudden be like, okay, I take back everything I said? I take back all the issues that I have with the historical claims I take back all the issues that I have about the scientific stuff Archeological stuff

No, I don't think that I would, but I would be like, oh, okay, there is something here that's very significant and might be the reason that we're all here And it's got something to do with Jesus And again, there are plenty, I think Richard Rohr is an example of it, there are plenty of Christians who don't get hung up on those things that I would have had an issue with and were the reasons that I left, who kind of hold to just the core tenet that Jesus represents this, you know, restoration of God, you know, reconciliation of God and people, that broken relationship being healed But I kind of, there's a part of me that is, I don't dispute that anyway Do you know what I'm saying? Like, that's cool, I'm okay with that

I may not be personally practicing it or experiencing it, but I don't have a problem with that idea I don't have a problem with any of the stuff that Richard Rohr said in his book, in other words I would like to think that I am open, in the same way that if I went back, if I could do this exercise, that I would be open to whatever on the other side of that time warp that I would witness I would try to be as open as possible I try to be as open as possible now

Well, I mean, our best friend, Mike McHargue, wrote a book about this, in a lot of ways, right? Mm-hmm, yeah So, he was an evangelical Christian, he became an atheist because of, kind of, studying, reading a lot, and then– It's called "Finding God in the Waves" if you're interested And then he had this supernatural experience with Jesus, and so, he would still call himself a Christian, but does he hold to the evangelical tenets of the, not even close, but he holds to the idea that there's a loving God with a purpose in this world and– Jesus doesn't make you an evangelical Yeah, and Jesus is a central part of that for him And again, he's way smarter than I am, and he's a close friend, and I'm not gonna dispute his experience

But for me– But it was a mystical encounter So, I feel like if I had, and I continue to be open to that kind of encounter, I mean, just a second ago I was talking about potentially connecting with aliens, so I'm open to quite a bit But I think it would just, it would give me a little bit of motivation to move in a particular direction from a spiritual standpoint That's what it would do I've got one more

'Cause, I mean, we could talk about this all day Right But to complete my exercise, I was like, man, I've gotta swing the pendulum a little bit I mean, what would just be fun? Like, I'd like to have one that was just like, I mean, what would I enjoy the most going back to? And, I was like, it probably has something to do with music That would be cool to witness– The first music

The first caveman to go like, What is happening? I think I'm singing Do you think the first song came before the first word? Was it like ? Yeah, that was it What does "Smoke on the Water" have at the start? Do you think "Smoke on the Water" was made by a caveman who couldn't speak? I believe, it sounds, it's the most caveman-like riff

I don't think, that's not my answer, is what I'm It's not, I quickly moved on from any of those thoughts, into, I mean, it'd be cool to go to Woodstock or like, The Last Waltz, The Band's last concert I mean, then I'm like, I'm not much of a concert guy I mean, the Beatles last performance on the rooftop of the Apple building Man, that would have been cool, but I'm not that big of a Beatles fan

I was like, I'll probably have to go with the Merle Haggard thing Okay, can I guess what you went with? Yes, 'cause you're going to be wrong Well, I thought you were gonna say when Johnny Cash performed in San Quentin and Merle Haggard was in the crowd Oh, that would be a good one So, then I'd be, oh, that would be cool

I didn't even think of that That's a good one Or you'd be a level above Merle And I'd have to find Merle in there You could find him

That'd be really cool I actually settled on the recording session for my favorite Merle song "I'm Always on a Mountain When I Fall" is my favorite Merle song, which incidentally, he did not write So, that kind of makes me wanna change my mind You know, the album from 1978, "I'm Always on a Mountain When I Fall" also the title track, which is my favorite, "It's Been a Great Afternoon" is the second track, which is maybe my second Merle song

Talking about having a hangover and then having an afternoon delight to get over it It's like, you can write this stuff and it be on country radio in 1978 So, I would travel back to the year I was born and instead of going to the concert, I would go to the, I would love to be hanging out in the recording session because I love those songs because, those two songs in particular, they represent my favorite Merle songs because of the production and the decisions that are made, and you know, the musicianship And, I mean, someone like Britain, I interact with him with music a lot, and he's so into live music, and he's connected with that, but that's something that we never really did that much, you know? I feel like we missed out on that, the way that he talks about it But there is something magical about being attached to a song, a particular performance of a song, that was laid down and was, let's say it was the most like he wanted it to be

So, it's like, every pluck of the string, or every hit of the hand on the lap, you know how on "It's Been A Great Afternoon" the drumbeat is just a guy playing his lap with his hands? It's just so creative You feel like you're in the room, and I would love to be in the room and see that's happening Because every time you listen to the song, it's like, I was there the one time that they laid down this track forever, you know? I was in a bubble I was in a bubble, I was in a safe bubble in the corner They didn't know I was there

No, I would wanna talk to them Just hanging out I think in my old age I just wanna hang out in recording studios Maybe I'll be, like, a recording studio janitor slash sound engineer Recording studios are going away though, man

People are just doing it in their bedrooms Yeah, that's another reason You'd be just a person in someone's bedroom which is weird So, I would go back to 1978, Merle's first album when he left Capitol and he went to MCA He was kind of faltering a little bit

He wanted to try something new He brought his band over and he had this– Try some jazzy stuff Yeah, he had this renaissance The album after that was "Serving 190 Proof", you know, was one of his best albums That might be my favorite Merle album

But this was the moment where it was like, maybe in the studio you could sense that there was a turning point, because it was And I would know that It's like, this is exciting And it seems like, I don't know how it would seem You know, maybe it would suck

I'm sure it would be awesome, but it would probably also be somewhat underwhelming, right? That opening acoustic , you know, like the beginning? The way that– Just watching that happen The way that songs come together Being committed to tape, yeah Oh, it was the seventh take It was the seventh take they used

You know what I'm saying? Yeah, but I would be there for that take That would be cool enough Yeah, but would it be cool enough when you hear it six times from your bubble? That'd be better than in the heat of the Egyptian desert saying, "Oh yeah" No, the bubble is air conditioned Oh it is? Yes, you can be naked in the bubble and no one can see, you can't get hurt

I wanna talk to people as like a wandering stranger Well, that's a different thing Being able to inhabit a body– I mean, if Jesus rose from the dead, I would want to have a conversation with him Well, yeah, you can talk from it They can hear you

It would, kind of, be disconcerting for Merle probably There's a naked man in a bubble, it would change the trajectory of– If you could have a conversation, then that's a violation of the rules because at that point you could change it Because when I thought more about this, I did think, you know, practically speaking, I would go back to however coronavirus started, right? Most likely somebody ate something, right? That's the best theory at this point Thought we were gonna go the whole episode without talking about coronavirus You already talked about masks

Maybe it was engineered by somebody, okay, maybe that happened But like, go back to the moment where it was starting and be like, "Oh no, no, no, let's not eat that" Or, "Let's not release that into the world" That's a different exercise Yeah, but you can't do that, you can't go back

Then there's lots of things we'd wanna change Right And you know what? Maybe that would be wrong because maybe the world is experiencing exactly what it's supposed to be experiencing right now It's all part of it All part of the process

Well, I'm glad we talked about this I was afraid I was gonna look like an idiot Honestly, I was like, "Man, I don't wanna answer "this question 'cause I feel like there's some really good "answers and I'm just gonna give stupid answers" I think you gave good answers It doesn't matter

They're my answers, and I came to grips with that Right But thanks for trying to reassure me I'm not an idiot, but What are your answers? Hashtag EarBiscuits

Oh, but you've had a rec I got a rec Yeah Oh boy, do I have a rec? Oh man, I was trying to come up with a rec, and man, I'm just like, "Man, I'm gonna look like an idiot" I'm frustrated

I do feel like my world's gotten so damn small Yeah That I'm like, my level of enjoyment has gone down I gotta turn a corner I know I was a bit of a downer last week

Yeah, this was a lot of fun, having this conversation Good My recommendation, the best, I discovered a new snack Now, the snacks that always blow us away, and that are also healthy, are these Blue Diamond Almonds Every time we have them on the show

Not a sponsor though Not a sponsor, we're just gushing about these bold-flavored almonds, like the salt and vinegar, and then the sriracha, and you can buy a variety pack I don't know how we got these in our house, but I am recommending the habanero barbecue almonds Oh, that sounds good Bold flavor

If you're afraid of spicy-hot things, you might not want to try these, so that's why I'm making this recommendation because– Because they're not actually hot They're not actually hot, and they're so good It's just crazy They're better than the sriracha? Yeah, to me, they're definitely better than sriracha, and they're better than salt and vinegar They have a better flavor

But it's nice to have the variety But that is my rec in effect this week, is the Habanero barbecue Blue Diamond Almonds Sometimes all you need is a good snack All you need, yeah, just a handful of nuts Why don't we have them here? As a healthy snack

We got salt and vinegar here Because we got a crate of salt and vinegar, and what we should have gotten was a crate of the variety pack which they sell Yeah, because I like the sriracha better than the salt and vinegar, and I guess I'm gonna like habanero, what is it? And I've gotten tired of those two, that's why I'm so happy with the– I'm not a huge fan of the wasabi, a lot of people like the wasabi, and I like wasabi on my sushi, but I do not like the wasabi nuts There you have it Hashtag EarBiscuits

Let us know what your answer is If you could travel anywhere in the past It doesn't have to be three, it doesn't have to be three Yeah, just do one It could just be one

You'll be in a bubble, unclothed You'll be naked Temperature controlled You can wear shorts and not be ashamed of it Yeah

Let everyone see the rash on your thigh No one will see you, they can't see you because then you could alter, because then you could just do, like, sign language and alter history They can't see you It's an invisible bubble But you can get as close as you want to anything

You could even go back to the moment of your own conception That would be horrible Yeah, that would be really weird To watch more Ear Biscuits, click on the playlist on the right To watch the previous episode of Ear Biscuit click on the playlist to the left

And don't forget to click on the circular icon to subscribe If you prefer to listen to this podcast, it's available on all your favorite podcast platforms Thanks for being your mythical best

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