How Do We Deal With A Medical Crisis?

(upbeat electronic music) – Welcome to Ear Biscuits, I'm Link – And I'm Rhett

This week at the round table of dim lighting, we are exploring the question how do we deal with a medical crisis and let me just say first of all, we're both fine Neither one of us are personally in a medical crisis – Right But– – This is something that happened to Link– – Over the past week – Not personally but, personally but– – I have been dealing with a family medical crisis which I'd love to just be able to verbally process through with you, gentle listener, as well as you, gentle friend

– And I don't wanna– – Gentleman – I'm not trying to spoil anything here – But we should– – This person that you're gonna be talking about is fine now – Yes – 'Cause we're gonna be having fun

This is gonna be also light-hearted – Yeah – We're gonna talk about some serious things that happened but we're also gonna be having a good time joking because in the end, everything is okay Well this is what happened and I'll walk through the details and unpack it – Well first we gotta let people know, we're gonna keep telling you– – Oh about our dates

– Educating you about where we're going to be We are coming to a town near you if you happen to be in Las Vegas, we're gonna be there on June 21st, Salt Lake City June 22nd, Denver the 23rd, Milwaukee the 25th, Indianapolis the 26th, Detroit the 27th, Omaha the 29th, and Minneapolis on the 30th Again this is Rhett and Link live in concert, not the Tour of Mythicality and debuting, well, if you've seen 'em, there's some new songs that have never been heard before on the internets and then of course the old classics, the rap battles, there's potential dress-up that happens – Dress-up, that is a good way to put it – Anyway, it's– – We play dress-up

You buy a ticket, we play dress-up – And there's also VIP tickets available Of course you're all very important people, that's just the industry vernacular to describe someone who pays for a ticket where we get to have a little meet and greet so all that and more at RhettAndLinkLivecom – Come see us, RhettAndLinkLive

com So in some ways I am still very much processing what happened over the past week And it involves my mom's husband Lewis who I've talked about many times He's technically my step-dad because he's my mom's husband but he's not my dad – He's your step-dad

– That's what I just said but I've never actually ended up calling him my step-dad I'll end up saying something like he's my father-in-law if I'm pressed – Which is incorrect – But because– – And strange – He married my mom, I mean they were dating when I was in high school, you know, I've known him for a long time and I love him

– But he didn't raise you – I do love him but he didn't raise me and I never lived with him So I got married and then Christy was pregnant with Lily and that's when my mom and Lewis got married, so there's an interesting dynamic to the nature of our relationship that I love him, but he's not, he is my step-dad but I don't call him that, in the experience it just doesn't feel like what a step-dad feels like – And actually I think that my mom's husband is the correct– – Well that's true too – No I know but– – Father-in-law

– If I meet a– – Is not correct – If I meet a person, if I'm just at a party and I'm having a conversation with somebody and they begin telling me a story and they say my mom's husband, I immediately know, oh not your step-dad, your step-dad is somebody who you usually would say raised you, right, but father-in-law, you gotta stop saying that – But father-in-law– – 'Cause what's gonna happen is you're gonna be seen with him in public at some point and they're gonna be like oh that's your father-in-law, no this is my father-in-law Then you're one of those guys that has two families, one being secret (Link sputters) And you can't be one of those guys

– Well, I mean I do have a secret family but I have nothing to do with this – I will say that Shepherd asked me There was something in the car and when he got into the car the other day and he was like, "Where's this from?" I said, "Oh that's, one of the kids in my secret family "left it in here

" (chuckling) I just couldn't help myself – Hopefully you meant imaginary family – I said, "You know Locke, "a lot of people have a second family" – So don't joke about it Oh I thought you said this was Shepherd

You said Locke – It was Shepherd – Oh you just said Locke, you meant Shepherd – Okay I meant Shepherd the whole time, anyway, I joke like that with my children They know that it's a joke so get off my case

– But was he joking when he told you is the question? – He didn't tell me He said, "Where's this from?" and I said, "It's from–" – Oh you said that I messed up – I think everyone else understood, I don't know if I said it in a confusing way but I'm sorry if I did – So confused

So anyway, Lewis, my father-in-law (chuckles) That does come into the story later, by the way He's doing well now but he had, I don't wanna over-sensationalize it but – Well then just sensationalize it – I'll just say but I do think it was a brush with mortality Brush with death It took some time for that to sink in and so I'll unpack that, like I said, some of this I'm still processing but he gave me permission to talk about it here and take it for what it's worth My mom and Lewis, they came out here last year and then we visited for Thanksgiving and then that's the last time we've seen them in person so they kinda wanted to come out again

But they've got a house, they've got farmland He drives around his farmland on his Gator and he surveys his land and he sees turkeys and he keeps an eye on how many turkeys will come around – And for those of you who don't understand what a Gator is, it doesn't mean he's on an alligator He's on, it's like a John Deere crazy off-road golf cart kinda thing – I kinda wanted the mystique to be that maybe he's just saddled an alligator but fine

– Well if you wanna believe that, yeah, go ahead – Clear up the mystique He's got cows Mom named some of them and then he takes care of 'em They have babies, they make sure that everything's good to go

Basically he has a farm to run – Right – So it's hard to get away and they're not the traveling type So we planned this a long time in advance and I think Mom came down with something, they had to reschedule one time Something came up, I can't remember

But then weekend before last they were coming out and they were gonna show up Friday night and then they like to stay in a hotel, not at our house so we make 'em feel comfortable whatever way they want and then they were gonna fly back Monday – That's a quick trip – They were only staying two days – Those cows – They gotta get back to their cows

– Somebody's gotta look after 'em – And we were very much looking forward to making the most of those two days So we pick 'em up at the airport, the whole family's in the car and we're crammed into there and we pick 'em up at the curb and I can immediately tell that Lewis is road ragged, he doesn't look great I'm like man the flight must not have been great They get in the car, put the luggage in and we're driving them, it was late so especially by their time so we just went straight to their hotel

– Did you say anything at that point? Did you say, "You look awful" You shouldn't say that to someone right when they get off of a plane I've made that mistake – Did not look good but I was like, "Well how was the flight?" And they said it was okay – A lot of turbulence? – Lewis didn't have much appetite

They didn't say much about turbulence or anything like that but he was very quiet and you may have heard me talk about this before but the thing we love to talk about Lewis is that he's got this catchphrase Good, good, good, like if he's talking to the kids, the whole week leading up to them coming, I'm talking to all the kids and I'm like, I'm talking like Lewis, I'm doing my impersonation of him, like Lincoln, you been doing your push-ups? How's basketball? And I'm like Lincoln, you're not playing basketball anymore so you gotta be ready for your answer 'cause you know Papa's gonna ask you about basketball and your push-ups – You might to just make up– – [Link] You've not been doing either – [Rhett] That you're still playing basketball – So he has his answer prepared and I was like, you can just tell him that you're mountain biking with your dad and you're still staying active and then he'll just say, "Good, good, good

" – (scoffs) Giving your kids answers – (chuckles) Just trying to coach– – Just let them come up with their own answers, man – But we were looking forward to that catchphrase and I couldn't help but notice he was quiet and there was no good, good, goods happening on the ride to the hotel – But he wasn't saying, "Bad, bad, bad" – He was not saying– – It doesn't go that far

– No and I took a wrong turn and me and Christy kinda snapped at each other a little bit – What about the GPS? – Well you know how when sometimes your phone's hooked up to the cords and then the map's not showing up on the car play and I'm having to drive but I can't see the turn, and now I'm going the wrong way and I'm getting angry and I gotta direct that anger at somebody even though my mama's in the car and I haven't seen her in person since Thanksgiving I'm not gonna direct it towards my mom or Lewis So Christy got a little bit of that, she gave it right back – Good

Good, good, good – Good, good, good I deserved it and then so I thought that the silence might have been as a result of me being an – Right, okay – We get to the hotel, we check 'em in, they're tired

We let 'em go to sleep, I was like, we'll come pick you up as early as you want in the morning You're on east coast time Well, Mom never called so we finally called by mid-morning and she's like Lewis is not doing well He's feeling faint and he's passing blood when he uses the bathroom And I'm like well, not good, good, good

– No, mm-mm – So we come, we pick 'em up and we're like, we go straight to the emergency room – Now explain that decision to me because– – Well when you're passing blood– – Well no no– – You need to go to the emergency room – I'm telling you, I am the kind of person that always minimizes You know what I'm saying– – I'm that way too

This was Christy driving this train – Right so Christy, she's good in those situations She has a natural nursing instinct I've never nursed her (Link sputters) Just so you understand

– Great – But she has that, she's good in medical situations There's a certain mode– – She goes into this ready contingency mode When we were going to sleep the night before, she was like, now the nearest hospital where they're staying in Pasadena is the Huntington Hospital – For those of you who understand the Enneagram, a six is really well-equipped– – That's what she is

– At these sort of contingency plans – So she was like I think Lewis wasn't doing good and we may have to take him to the emergency room She already said that the night before and that's why she was calling Mom They checked him in and he was I actually don't think he passed more blood when he was there and then it takes awhile to process and they said we're gonna admit you because something's going on here, there's internal bleeding or there's evidence of that And your blood count is low They check him in to the ICU, intensive care unit, and so they're monitoring him very closely and one of the nurses said to Mom, "Your husband is very sick" I was like well what does that mean? We don't know yet

The gastro doctor comes in and they did a scope from down his throat– – Oh man – They put him under for a little bit, we stepped out of the room and less than a half hour they did this procedure where they put the scope down his esophagus through his stomach, looking at everything into his small intestine and then we come back in there and he's already awake again But the news is Lewis has over 10 ulcers in his small intestine Good gracious, this does not sound good – Not the stomach, the small intestine

– Yeah, the duodenum Duo denim I don't know how you say it – You know if you take that out, you can stretch it around the earth nine times (Link chuckles) – Just Lewis's, you know how long his is? – Yeah yeah, just an individual's

– Oh okay – Mm-hmm – That can't be true But it– – That's how quickly light travels, the speed of light I think around the earth Nine times in a second, I don't know

I'm confusing facts – The doctor gave us the good news that even though, I don't know if this is a southern saying, 'cause the doctor didn't say it He was from LA, he wouldn't, but what I would say is, he's eat up with ulcers, he's eat up with them But he said there was one in particular that looked bigger and it had a scab that had formed over it just like skin on the outside of your body – This is tough to listen to

– I'm sorry I'm surprised I'm able to talk about it We can get into that more later but he said that just like skin on the outside of your body on the inside of your intestine, it forms a scab with which then it heals And he said I agitated the scab It's amazing, you put the scope down there with a camera and take pictures, you see the live video and you can blast water and also medication through this scope

– And they can control it like a (mimics zapping sound) kinda thing, like once it gets down there? – It was actually very easy to control – You can manipulate it – He said, "You wanna try it?" And then it was like two joysticks No I didn't see the thing, man We went out, I don't know how many joysticks there were

– I'm just assuming that to be that precise, it has some sort of mechanical head on it – At the moment I was not asking about the mechanical head – Again, that's what I'd do in these situations 'cause I don't want to talk about the real– – You deflect – Let's talk about the mechanics of the machinery that's inside of him right now (Link chuckles) How 'bout that? – But he said he sprayed it with a little water and then all evidence pointed to the fact that it was gonna stay which is great news and it also meant that if they monitored him and there was no more bleeding, that that meant that there wasn't any other source of bleeding lower down in the rest of his GI tract

'Cause to do a colonoscopy, to go from the top up, you have to– – The bottom of him – Yeah from the bottom up, you'd have to wait to totally clean out the entire system And that was just more time, but anyway, at that point we were in a holding pattern and because it's the ICU– – Because that equipment is very expensive, you don't want, all over it – (chuckles) Yes, Rhett That's exactly what it is

I'm trying not to be that graphic In the ICU, they make everyone leave while they have shift change So just so happens that we had made reservations for this Japanese steakhouse before we knew any of this was gonna happen – Yeah take a break, go eat some Japanese – So we're gonna, you make me feel horrible about it but Christy was like I'm gonna stay around

– We have reservations, Link (chuckles) – Granny, why don't you go and see the kids and just take a break because we're not allowed to be in here anyway – Yeah – And it's very close – And was it one where they throw the shrimp in the hat? – Yeah they throw the shrimp– – And the fire volcano made of onions

– I thought that would be nice – Oh yeah it's always nice – So Christy stayed back, so she was very much in proximity even though she wasn't allowed to be in there And then I took Mom, because we had good news and we were in a holding pattern– – Oh so you went to the Japanese steakhouse – I went too, yeah me and Mom met Britton and the kids that we met at the Japanese steakhouse

– Did you get a combo of chicken, shrimp and beef? – Yes You're deflecting now – No, I really am interested in what people order at that I always get the combo – And we're all on edge but it was nice for her to see the kids 'cause otherwise, she wasn't able to see them and I go up to use the restroom right before he starts flippin' shrimp and as I'm walking into the restroom, I look up– – Shrimp

– And daggum, if it isn't the scope doctor The frickin' scope doctor, the gastro guy– – Oh okay – Was at the Japanese restaurant – I heard you guys talking about this but I didn't understand that this was the story – Yeah he was one of those hibachi guys, he worked there

– Oh yeah well you know what, doctors these days don't make enough money – Right – You gotta have a backup plan – He was there with his family at another table and I went up, I was like, I found myself upon him by surprise on my way to the bathroom so I'm in his face and I'm like I recognized him and I'm like, "Hey doc, you just "You were just treating my father-in-law" – Right, yeah – And again, I just came out with father-in-law And it worked

– Yeah 'cause he doesn't know – And he understands that it's not, I don't know what he understood but it was easy – Right he just got the chicken though because he's a doctor – It was weird 'cause it was like one of those moments where remember in, well I remember in middle school when I went to Walmart one time when I was in third grade and I saw Miss Hobbs, my third grade teacher in the chips aisle at Walmart – And you're like what, they can be outside of school as well? – And she started talking to me and I felt really weird and I got embarrassed and I was like, (babbling) I don't know how to talk

– Did I get grade on this conversation? – Yeah I felt like a third-grader in the hibachi restaurant talking to my teacher – Right – It was weird But he was very nice and he came over and he talked to Mom and she was very appreciative because we had good news at that point – And he's like you wanna see some pictures of the ulcers? – He had already shown us those

– But not at the restaurant – Yeah but not right there And then I was like, we brought the kids back and we took them up to see Lewis when they allowed us to go back in the ICU and the nurse had a funny look on her face and I looked around into the room and Lewis did not look good at all, he looked worse, and then the kids said hello and then it was kinda like, Christy why don't you just take the kids back home I'll stay here with Mom and then I'll Uber back later 'cause the plan was we were all leaving and Mom was just gonna stay but It took awhile for it to really sink in, but what had happened was he had started passing blood– – Again – Again – And this sounds like a great place for a teaser (chuckles) – Oh gosh

– Because we need to do a short break and let people know, oh things got worse – Things get worse before they get better but they do – But we are gonna take a short break and let you know that you can get these mugs we're drinking out of You can't get this one This was a prototype, I don't even know why I've got it

This is just to tempt you with something you can't buy – We prototype all types of things in order to land on the perfect thing for your mouths, your bodies, your hairs – I'm trying to blend in completely today As you can see, I have two different brown mugs, I have a brown hoodie on, I have brownish hair – Brownish skin

– It's all kind of blending in with the background and I kinda think this might be my new thing – What are you selling? You're having focus issues today – I'm selling beigeness – That's not for sale – It kinda is though, you'll see, you'll understand what I'm gettin' at months from now but in the meantime what you can buy is these mugs and lots of other cool things over at– – Mythical

store– – Dot store – The hindsight of the experience, it just seems much more clear than when, when things are progressing in the hospital, the nurses and doctors are reacting to things and it's not that they're not communicating but it's the combination of them doing their jobs, trying to communicate but also the ability for that to sink in, to be able to receive the information The doctor would just drop in occasionally and it's go time to have your questions – Could you imagine just– – And that's difficult – Could you imagine being the person? Neither one of us would be good at that

We might be good at– – You mean the patient? – No the nurse – Oh gosh – Having to do something but then also explain to someone in a sympathetic tone what's actually happening Forget about it – One of my big takeaways from this thing is I have just a blossomed appreciation, specifically for nurses in a hospital environment

They are amazing people who do an amazingly difficult job and that's a big part of it, interacting not only with the patient but with the loved ones who are there present And for me I'm bringing my kids, one of my kids is too young to actually be there and I'm breaking the rules for him to come up so– – Really, what's the age limit? – 14, in the ICU – And they let you do that? – Well yeah, a 14 year old but not a nine year old – No but you were able to get Lando in – I just kinda went up with him

– Oh – 'Cause I was like, Lewis is fine and his spirits will be lifted by seeing you for a minute That was not smart, I should have respect that rule The nurse actually told me he could see things in the ICU that– – He will never forget – A nine year old may not want to see

– Will be etched on his brain forever – I was like wow, I'm an idiot and you really made a good point I'm gonna take my kids out of here now My head space was so, this is gonna be over at any moment This is gonna be okay, we already got good news

Yes he has ulcers, yes he's gotta figure that stuff out and there's gonna be more treatment to come when he gets back home But he's in the clear When we got back, Christy took the kids away and they had already been giving him blood because he had lost blood– – Already – The night before I think by this point, they were giving him six, seven, eight pints of blood

– Whoa, whoa, whoa, already – I'm telling you I was there, this was 10 o'clock at night, 11 o'clock at night, midnight, and then– – 'Cause you don't have that much, I told you about this recently – Yeah for the book we had to, oh you don't wanna say that? – Well no, okay I had to look up for a part of the book we're working on how much blood is in a human body – Yeah, and what's the answer? – I think the average adult just has like two gallons of blood – Well how many pints is that? – I don't know – Three pints in a gallon? – Hopefully more than that

– Four, I thought there was only four pints in a gallon – All I'm saying is– – Kiko will look it up 'cause we're stupe – There's a lot less blood in a human body and so giving him that much blood, like he didn't have hardly any – Well and then the thing is, he was confined to the bed– – What is it, Kiko? – Eight pints to a gallon – Eight pints and then how many, you said there were how many gallons in a body? – Like two gallons of blood in a body

– So 16 pints – Look that up too, I wanna make sure – How many pints of blood in a average body 'Cause I will say by the end of this, they gave him 12 pints of blood How many? – 12 pints, so that's, wow, so about a gallon and a half of blood in an average person

– But I'm telling you right now, they gave him enough blood that fills up a human body – That's crazy, that's what so surprised me 'cause– – Yes and the more it, and again, they kept giving him, when they were giving him two, three, four, five, concerns start to raise, my man, and they said okay, we're gonna to have to give him a central line We can't use the IVs to keep up with him passing the blood And it was a very visceral experience which he doesn't remember any of even though he was conscious, he was talking, but he wasn't very lucid – Yeah

– As you can imagine – Right – And in that situation, you can't move him out of the bed and he's passing blood It's a visceral and horrible situation to be bedside for that – Okay this is coming from the guy who, you can't take any amount of blood and the thought of needles, and they're sitting there filling your father-in-law

(chuckles) – Yeah just fillin' him up – With, I mean how– – He's like a fountain, it's just passing through him – Did you go into a mental space, like a un-before-tapped, never before tapped mental space in order to get through this without fainting? – Earlier on whenever he started passing blood and they would clean him up, I would step out But I felt like that was just to give him privacy and for them to do their job – So you were– – And then I would come back in, and I was in a zone

– You were in a mode, a zone – I guess I was in a zone of, it was kind of a It was a bit of a fog

It was not realizing how dire things were getting but then when they said we need to give him a central line in his neck so that we can pump blood in and keep up with how quickly he's losing blood and we're getting the doctor back in here to do another scope in order to see where this new bleeding is coming from – Well just goes to show you not only how important blood is – Yeah – There are these places, there are so many places on earth that don't even have adequate amounts of clean blood – Yeah, and yeah

– Privilege just to be in a place that you can lose that much blood and immediately have it replenished I don't know what the PSA is here but give blood – I thought about that too – And also be willing to take blood I don't know there's some people– – There was never a conversation about that

– Well I know but– – There are people who– – If you currently subscribe to a worldview that doesn't allow you to take blood, reevaluate that world view – Well he would have died – That's my second PSA – He would have died within a few hours we get to the hospital, he wouldn't have anywhere close to this if he couldn't take blood They couldn't find a central line in his neck that worked and they had to do a central line in his groin and then basically his hip

And then they're pumping him full of blood in order to just gain time and it was at that point that I realized that oh my gosh, this is– – Serious – This is very dire This is touch and go – How's your mom handling this at the time? – She was in more, I wouldn't call what she was in a fog, she was in more of a supportive, she was very positive And she was going to work in terms of just being positive and in support mode, it was– – And she come from– – It was amazing

– She's come from a medical background being in like a clinical place – Yeah, she took blood for a living and she's used to being around blood and medical environs – Yeah – So she wasn't shaken up by that but she said later that it dawned on her the next morning how dire things were there I just think that she was in a mode where she wasn't allowing herself to go to the dark potentials, okay

– The dark potentials – The dark potentials – That's the name of our second novel – But the doctor finally showed up and they got ahead of it, the bleeding a little bit but it was scary because there was blood all over the bed – Mm

– And they couldn't keep up with it so they would put a blanket down over him and He was disoriented so at times he would look down and he would move the blanket and he would see all the blood or he wouldn't see it and his hand would go down there to feel what's going on – This is tough for me to listen to, I'm sorry

– I guess the reason– (Rhett sighs) The reason why I share it is because I think I could never imagine that I would be bedside for a situation like that with my mom and I'm glad that we were able to be supportive but it was very scary and I never would have thought that I would have been able to be, to contribute to a supportive environment when it was that scary – Well just, okay– – So I'm surprised, I'm not bragging

I'm just saying that these things happen and maybe you go in a mode but if you don't, I feel more prepared having gone through it to be more supportive– – Well I do think that, I will say that the human brain is really complex and I think that what ends up happening a lot of times is you know that you can't afford to check out I think there are certain situations where you can afford to check out, like when you cut yourself at Christmas, it's like it's not that big of a deal – And faint into your real father-in-law's arms, which I did – But my question is, why were you the one that was there? It was just circumstances because of the way that you brought the kids in and then, you didn't know how bad it was gonna get 'Cause if you think about how bad it was going to get and Christy and you both knew how bad it was going to get and you had to make a decision who was gonna stay, you probably would have picked Christy to stay and you would have gone home with the kids

Or was it because it was your relations? – Yeah it was because, Mom, well I'll back into that 'cause I do think it's interesting I feel so much and I felt so much for Lewis and Mom because they don't travel and then they find themselves going through this situation so far from home with no support structure beyond me and Christy

– Right – They know no one else except they might have met people in passing through us but there's no one, like back home, Lewis has an extended family that they're very tight-knit So his real name is Edd, I think Lewis is his middle name Edd with two Ds, and then the hospital, they kept asking him, "What's your name?" And then in order to give medication or do treatment or just know if he was lucid, they would ask him his name and they were expecting him to say Edd and he would say Lewis so they would think it was worse than it was but his brother, Edd He's got a brother Ned, Ted, and Fred

– Yeah it's unbelievable (chuckles) – And you better believe they all would have been there as well as his children and everybody else who loves him and obviously would have been there to support him – Ned, Ted, Fred and Edd – And Peggy – Yeah there's not a good typical woman name

– They call her Ped (Rhett chuckles) No they don't There may be other siblings, I can't remember, but anyway, because they're out here, it's just me and Christy with Mom to, we find ourselves in this weird situation where we're the only support that they've got so when we had to send the kids, I was like, well, Mom's gonna stay there for Lewis and I'm gonna stay there for Mom I'm gonna support Mom and Mom's gonna support Lewis and then honestly that's the first way that I thought about it I think that changed over that night and the next few days but we can talk about that some more but at this point, yeah, we did actively make that decision for me to be there with mom and so by 1 a

m, the doctor's showing back up and doing the scope and finding that that problem ulcer was basically at this point, obviously gushing blood – Ugh (winces) – And then to use that same scope– – You gotta put a trigger warning on this episode (chuckles) – I think maybe I'm able to talk about this in a way that maybe I feel differently about blood now

– Well but you're also the one saying it so it's not happening unexpected – He's able to use that scope in his hibachi hands – Right, he's still got chicken grease on him – And he sprayed some epinephrin – You think he put the redneck sauce on his chicken? – He puts redneck sauce on that ulcer and it just sutures right up

– The creamy sauce that you can get at the hibachi place we always call– – Redneck sauce – Because only, you go over to Japan, they don't have that sauce, okay That's something rednecks came up with – It's good – Now it's good

(chuckles) – I took the whole bowl that night and I just poured it all over my plate I was like– – I'm a redneck – Yeah I could feel my mullet growing (Rhett chuckles) So he– – Epinephrin

– He put some epinephrin on it and it's basically sutured it up – It's a vasoconstrictor – And then– – Who knew? – And he showed us, well he did And he showed us pictures of it And I'm thinking, man, I saw you at the frickin' hibachi, at like seven o'clock

– Yeah you can't be here – And now it's 1 am and you're here – Right

– And I'm in third grade, it's so weird That was excellent news but as we were waiting for him to do the scope, Mom and I had to step out and just wait and it was like we were sitting in the waiting room just the two of us, no one else was in there And we didn't say a word We were so exhausted – It's like somebody who's been through a battle, you just sit there

– You just sit there and it was very surreal And she told me that it really hadn't sunken in at that point how dire things were, she was in that mode and We're kind of in fight mode, stay positive mode and so at that point it was very touch and, the great news was they found the bleeding, they had stopped the bleeding, they didn't have to do a second procedure which could have damaged the kidneys in order to try to find the bleeding or a third procedure worst case where they had to do surgery

The surgeons were coming in and prepping him for that too in case they had to It was that, everybody was buzzing around and it was, yeah, it was very kinetic and it was real, man And by that morning, he had stabilized and of course, he wasn't given any drink or food for probably the next 48 hours as it turns out but they were monitoring– – They were hydrating him intravenously – Yeah – Or else he would die

– And giving him medicine for the ulcers and giving him medicine to help, to preserve them from bleeding and giving him more blood To come out to a total of 14 units, 14 pints – So again, he replaced his blood supply – Yeah – He completely replaced his blood supply

– Wild And so then– – Everybody needs that It's just like changing your transmission fluid, every once in awhile – That's literally what happened But they didn't drain him out and then fill him up, it was a constant flow, it was more– – Yeah, you can't do that with a human

– It was a nightmare – You can do that with a car – It was an absolute nightmare and then, so then for the next two days it's kinda touch and go to make sure that he's not bleeding and even though he's not eating, then as you slowly introduce drinking and then eating foods, clear fluids and all that jazz It's just continue to monitor that he's not bleeding And let's see, so we checked him in Saturday morning

We checked him out by the end of the week so he was there a whole week so then it was, it basically shifted from emergency situation, he left the ICU to a regular hospital room which then you and Jessie came that first night and visited him there which was great But then it was just, that's when it really started to hit us that there's only three people to support him in his recovery as he's here and that proved to be very challenging because my mom stayed there all night and then as soon as I could get up in the morning, I would go and relieve her Either Christy would come get her or I'd send her home to my house in an Uber to take a shower and try to sleep for a few hours and then, Christy and Mom would come and then I would go into work for a few hours and then so someone was always there with him for the whole week And I really gained an appreciation for how important it is to have people come visit When you guys came that night to visit, it was a tremendous help and something that I never appreciated when it's like, someone's in the hospital sick, well you should go see 'em, you know, you should go see 'em because it's the right thing to do

But I never really connected the dots that for the people who are actively supporting the person in recovery, it's also a huge help to them to, you run out of stuff to talk about You run out of, it drains all of your energy to sit in a hospital room And when doctors and nurses are comin' in and just constantly pricking, prodding and doing stuff, it's not a happy, it's not Disneyland, you know – No and as a matter of fact– – My takeaway – We were there for a very short period of time, but first of all, I got lost

I had a window of time between leaving here and then going to therapy and I had kinda planned to have half an hour and Jessie was gonna meet me But my frickin' GPS, my phone, sent me to the back of the hospital – Yeah and it's a big hospital – And I parked and then I had to, I was like 20 minutes from my car And then I walk into the lobby, the hospital lobby, and I see you checking in and you had left work like way after me

– Oh yeah – And that's when I see through the window and I see the thing I had been looking for the whole time, the grand hospital entrance There's multiple doors and there's a big horseshoe where you kind of drop people off and I saw Jessie and I was like, "Where'd you park?" She was like, "I valeted" (chuckles) – Yeah she went to the right entrance – So yeah I got lost

– And I'm so sorry that happened to you, man That's kind of like having a bleeding ulcer and almost dying – Yeah yeah yeah But what I was getting to is how much I was just reminded how much I hate hospitals Now, I appreciate hospitals

They're absolutely necessary But I get, and this is probably something a lot of people relate to, it's like, I've never been in a hospital personally, like I've never had to go to the hospital for anything – Mm-hmm – I've been to the doctor or have had very small procedures at a outpatient clinic But never been in a hospital and when I go into a hospital and on the floor that Lewis that on, you had to pass by several rooms that were open and these people are in different states of disrepair

– Yeah Sometimes there's screaming – Well there was one guy who was having an interesting exchange with a nurse – Yeah, there's interesting scents that float about – And again, I don't know what it is

I was going to therapy right after that I didn't get into this but I don't know, I just get this feeling that I'm just like I don't want to be here and I don't want to be a patient here ever – Yeah and you feel like being here might make me sick I think things like that But– – And there's people who have to spend not just– – Oh gosh

– We met the kids at St Jude who basically, some of them have spent– – They live there – The majority of their lives in that environment And places like St Jude do go to incredible lengths to create an environment that is not, it's not depressing other than the fact that why you're there

– Yeah and this hospital was a great facility There's no actual criticism that we could level on the facility or the faculty at any point It's just, it's more about the stigma associated with hospitals or the fact that a hospital is still, it is what it is and it's not a pleasant environment – And it's way more pleasant now than it was, what– – Oh gosh – 50 years ago or whatever

– I mean all the procedures they were doing on Lewis, they would cart the stuff into the room and do the scope and everything there, it was amazing I was talking to him later We were watching Leave It to Beaver one morning, I was like can you imagine back in the day if Beaver had some bleeding ulcers, what would they have done? – He would be dead, they'd bury Beaver – They just would have done surgery in order to find where you were bleeding, I think – Mm-hmm

– There's no scoping in your room and 30 minutes later, your wife can walk back in and get good news and a picture of it – It's all conjecture – But I was, I gained such an appreciation, like I said, for the nurses and hospital staff in general but also a revived sense of how important it is to visit people in the hospital and not let the way that we instinctively think about it, like I should visit but I'm not going to, it makes a huge, huge difference, and when you guys came, you lighten the mood, have somebody else to talk to, pass a little bit of time And obviously also give and receive love and care It can't be understated but for some reason in my mind I think it had gone to that place and you know what? In a few days we're comin' up on the two year anniversary of Lily having her spinal fusion surgery

As we record this it will be this coming Friday 'cause I've put it on the calendar Two years And I'm a little discouraged that I'd forgotten what I'd learned there, the things that I'm now talking about Because in her recovery how important it was for people to come and offer support And again, I just felt for Lewis and for Mom, especially Lewis because his family wasn't there and it was an interesting situation because I'm in a position where I'm spending hours with this guy that I've never spent, I'll ride on the Gator with him and the kids down and see the cows and come back, but it's not like the two of us have a vibrant relationship where we hang out

I love him because he loves my mom and my mom loves him and they are very happy together and they have a beautiful relationship and they're perfect for each other That is enough for me to love him unabashedly But it– – The Gator helps The Gator helps – The Gator helps

But when it comes to the experience of a relationship, it was an interesting position to be in For him and for me probably Where we have to assume the role of the people who are providing the only emotional support for hours at a time And I really had to deal just honestly This is not about Lewis and my relationship with him really, I think it just kinda set the stage for me to think more about my level of selfishness

Honestly a lot of that came up because I just realized how much I want my life to be ordered the way I want it to be Well they're gonna come in for two days, this is our itinerary, we're gonna have a really good time, and then they're gonna leave and get back to their cows where they wanna be and everybody's gonna be happy and I know what my next week has in store for me And I'm looking forward to it It's a light week at work I was looking forward to specific things

– Mm-hmm – We weren't filming anything so it was, that was actually a blessing because I– – Yeah – And again, I actually, with all the stuff that we have going on at work, I actually had a week where pretty easily I was readily available to support in a way that I very much needed to be there – Which is very unusual – Yeah, and I'm very grateful for that

I would like to think that I would have made the right decision to change whatever I was doing in order to be there anyway But I don't know if I would have made the right decision, because I was still wrestling with the selfishness of my plans, my life, my time, my desires, my comfort, you know? Again, it's embarrassing to talk about but I feel like that's part of my takeaway in terms of my growth in this situation is what really is love in this situation? It's making a decision to be there Aspiring to be better at loving somebody that I do love and knowing that I just didn't, that I had so many competing personal desires that were just lame, you know? Sure, yeah, it's difficult to go through that It's difficult to hang out at a hospital It's difficult to know what to talk about

But really, these are things that in your own brain you would complain about? – Well I think everybody, I think most people would There are some people who are naturally, my wife being one of them, naturally equipped to just, she can walk into the hospital room with Lewis and she A, she knows exactly what to say – She knows what to say and she knows what to do – And she could talk to somebody forever I come in and I'm like, "Welcome to California

" I make a joke, right? – Which is helpful but yeah it's kind of, I relate to that 'cause it's like searching for how did I get myself in this situation? – Well and a lot of times– – I don't know what to do here and my instincts don't apply – Well and I've actually, in many different ways, this is one of the advantages and I don't know, advantages and disadvantages of being married to someone who complements you in a certain way, right? Who has a characteristic, for me, I can just be like, oh, Jessie is really good at that She knows what to say, she knows how to comfort somebody, so the unit of Rhett and Jessie can comfort someone because Jessie will do it because I can't do it, and for me, it's part of what you're saying which is just like well I got too much stuff I gotta get to My stuff that I gotta worry about's more important than this, there's part of it that's that and then the other side is just feeling inadequate – And also what happens when the comforting aspect of the unit is the one that needs comforting? (chuckles) It's like it kinda breaks down internally at that point too, right? – Yeah, that's when you hire someone

– (chuckles) Oh shoot – No, yeah, exactly That's where it becomes, it's not a good thing I'm saying you end up creating a, your deficit can grow because you're relying on someone to fill that – And I learned so much from Christy to be able to meet people's needs and have empathy

I guess that's what we're talking about, right? We're talking about being empathetic – Yeah, I think that's a part of it – And again, that's why I'm so in awe of people who devote their lives in the field of nursing and all the people who would, the people who come in and clean the room The assistants to the nurses, everybody who have devoted their lives to caring for people in that way is just It's amazing And it draws into focus ways that I can kinda step up and be a better person, I think I think in watching those people and dealing with the patients and even in the moments of frustration and in confusion, just having composure and still having Just bringing healing to a situation is something that I don't know, my eyes were really opened to that Lily's situation was different because it was a planned procedure and it was a controlled recovery that we were prepared for So there was never any huge scrambling emergency moment I think that's the difference here that then there were ugly aspects to it, to this experience that I witnessed firsthand people stepping up and helping

– Well and what it makes me think about is people who Lewis, he's home now, right? So it was an incredibly difficult week full of lessons, but what if the second week was just like the first week and the third week was just like the second week? And people who have their lives turned upside down because someone becomes critically ill, terminally ill, like if it happens to somebody in your family, if it happens to one of your children, then all of a sudden your life basically becomes what you're talking about – Mm-hmm

– And that is, that becomes your new normal Which again, I'm gonna keep plugging St Jude I didn't expect to but they helped us understand– – Right – All the support that a family needs

They have a program at St Jude that is specifically designed for siblings of terminally ill kids and because what they've seen is that these kids, they have emotional needs too – Yeah – And when all the attention and all the resources are going on this person who is sick, what happens to you? I think in the book and the movie Wonder, they talk about the older sister's story Anyway, all that to say St

Jude is sort of like love in action You're talking about what you can do personally and they've kinda created a whole system to support that kind of love in action – This experience I think is, it's just kinda jostled me awake to my unwarranted expectations that my life is gonna be, continue to be what I expect it to be We experience so much positive things and it's like, in this conversation, you start to feel a little guilty about it, but it's not that I wanna feel guilty, I wanna be grateful But I also want not to live my life as if I expect or demand no curve balls, you know? – Well yeah

And we talked about this before There are many times when things are going well and I think both of our personalities are actually geared towards all right, kind of expecting something to go wrong Because things shouldn't, things are going well right now so surely the bottom's gonna drop out somewhere and sort of just anticipating that something like that will happen but also at the same time knowing I am not emotionally prepared and I am also not, I am also too selfish right now to be able to take this, something that would inconvenience me to that level – Yeah I'll share one more image, something that I wanna, a memory that I wanna stick with me I'll share with you in order to help solidify it since sometimes maybe saying stories helps me remember them or at least now I'll have an audio record

Oh gosh, we must have been three days in They had started allowing him to drink and eat some liquified foods but then they had evidence that he might have been bleeding again It was kind of a panic mode for a few minutes and then they pulled, well not a few minutes, but longer than that, they decided to pull back and he's not allowed to eat or drink anything as they monitored him Now it turns out that he was not bleeding anymore but that was a setback in terms of his experience You're confined in a hospital on the opposite coast with me supporting you every morning alone

(chuckles) No, he was very gracious but it was very frustrating to not even be able to drink water at all It was tough to keep his spirits up and the television helped I know at home, he falls asleep to the television on That's like his white noise so that helped him It gets him rest, and then, but the thing that happened a few hours later after the step backwards, not being able to even drink anything and him literally being parched

The television went just to fuzz (mimics static crackling) And I look at it He didn't say a word but I'm thinking oh my gosh, this is like the main thing that feels like holding us together now is just the television There's no food, there's nobody else but me to talk to And now the television is weak signal

It said like signal cannot be acquired I'm like oh crap And then I'm panicking inside, I'm trying to put on a positive face and I'm like, well, what do we do now? And then I stood up and I look at the television, kinda like when you open the hood of your car when you know something's wrong with it and you're supposed to look at the motor before you decide to get someone who's qualified to fix it, I'm like, uh, I'm gonna look at the television What do we do now, and so I'm standing there at the foot of the bed and then I was like, "It looks like I'm your only form of entertainment" And then I just started doing, I guess I'll call it an Irish jig

It was kind of a Riverdance thing There was some elbow movement though and a lot of leg movements and some kicking – How long did that last? – 'Til I got winded 'Til I got a smile out of him And then I was like, "Do you have any cash?" He said, "No, I don't have any

"I don't know where my wallet is," and I was like, "Well, then I'm not gonna strip for ya," and then I got a laugh out of him and it was the first time he had laughed, I don't know, since before he landed And then so that helped, but then I ended up unplugging the television and doing all sorts of religious ceremonies in my own brain and plugging it back in and it started working So we got Leave It to Beaver back on and some Price Is Right And then they started introducing, allowing him to eat, drink water, and then, eat these Icees, like lemon ices But he had been talking about these lemon ices 'cause they had let him have 'em and then they took 'em away

And then a whole day later, he's talking about these lemon ices – Anything at that point – Oh gosh It was like a mirage in the room, I felt like And they finally told him he could have one

And I brought it in there and this was like a culmination of like hours and hours of being fixated on it and then he had this lemon ice and he's eating I'm like, "How's that lemon ice?" He was like, "Oh "It's good, good, good" (Rhett laughs) And I said, "What did you say?" He said, "I like that lemon ice" I was like, "No, what did you say?" And he said, "It's good, good, good

" (Rhett laughs) And I said, "That's exactly right" So I'll never forget that – Now what happened to the cows? – They're fine – What happens when you– – His brothers and some, he had someone else who helps with the farm to help with the cows – Was it Ted, Fred, or Ned? – I don't know, probably all of them

The cows were taken care of, we got 'em on a plane, his daughter picked 'em up, drove them home, they got home that night It was 10 o'clock at night after a long day of traveling but he was doing fine Evidence being right when they got home, they took their luggage in the house and then Alison, his daughter told Christy, took the luggage in the house and then he immediately came back outside, grabbed the leaf blower and started blowing off his car port And then the next morning he got up and he said, he was going out the door and Mom said, "Well where you going?" He's like, "I'm gettin' on the Gator, I'm going out there" She said, "Well you can't go out there without me

"I gotta get ready" My mom, she likes to take her time to get ready – She takes awhile to get ready – Well, she likes to take her time – Well, okay

– Let's just say it's a choice – I'm just saying I remember it from my childhood (Link chuckles) – And he was like, "No, I'm going out right now" And she said, "Well let me put on my house coat," and then she was telling Christy, she was like, "For the first time ever, here I am in just my housecoat, "driving around out here in the Gator" – Can't let the cows see you

– And then, so he surveyed his property, came back, parked the Gator, went inside, sat down in his recliner and Mom said that was the first time he seemed 100% at ease in over a week and a half – Yeah, he was back in his environs – Yeah so he's doing well, he's got to tackle these ulcers long-term and figure out, and they're gonna monitor that and they're gonna figure, they're gonna get to the bottom of it – They're getting to the bottom of why it's happening – Right but he didn't have to stay in California to deal with all of that so he's doing that back home and like I said I talked to him right before we came in here and he said he was in a meeting

– Yeah – With some guys and that he was doing something tonight so he's like– – Probably Ned, Ted, and Fred – Oh yeah – The brother summit – But sending Lewis my love, my father-in-law

(Rhett sighs) And, I don't know, thank you for hearing me out, I don't know, take from it what you will I know I've taken a lot from the experience and I'm grateful to have had it even though it was in no way easy I feel very grateful for the outcome for him and for Mom – Thank you for sharing, Link – Oh, you're welcome

– We'll close with a quick rec I'm going to recommend another podcast Podcast that I've been listening to that we are in no way affiliated with but I really like called Science Versus It is a approximately half hour, weekly podcast where they very simply take a subject of any kind It might be like climate change, it might be DNA, hereditary companies, it might be vaccines

It might be gun control, it's basically just issues that people throw all kinds of opinions out – Uh-huh – And they say, we're only going to talk about what the latest science is and they do upwards of 100 resources or references in each podcast It's very well researched, half hour, and if you're the kinda person who's just an inquisitive mind and you wanna know what the science says about a particular thing, you can just scroll through They already addressed a lot of different subjects and keep coming out with weekly episodes so Science Versus, recommended

– Is it V-S or V-E-R-S-U-S? – It's just V-S – Okay, easier There you have it, another Ear Biscuit in the can! #EarBiscuits, let us know if any part of this conversation or the experience I shared resonates with you in any way I'd love to hear it from you, #EarBiscuits And we'll speak at you again next week because– – That's what we do

– Well that's what we plan on doing – Weekly, yeah We plan on it – I'm just sayin', I don't know what life could throw at us but– – True – If it all lines up, we'll bring another biscuit your way

– Yep – [Link] To watch more Ear Biscuits, click on the playlist on the right – [Rhett] To watch the previous episode of Ear Biscuits, click on the playlist to the left – [Link] And don't forget to click on the circular icon to subscribe – [Rhett] If you prefer to listen to this podcast, it's available on all your favorite podcast platforms

Thanks for being your Mythical best (electronic music)

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