Food Fight: Hamburger Helper Hacks

– Josh Stop, stop, I'm stronger than you! (funky upbeat music) (funky upbeat music) – Y'all know how much I love cooking out of boxes, that it's a super fast way to cook a meal at home

But, there are more creative ways to cook from the recipes they got in the back – So today, Josh and I are each gonna make our own recipe using Hamburger Helper, but only one will be good enough to go on the back of the box – It's time for another episode of (Nicole and Josh) Unbox Recipe! – So today, I am gonna be making Stroganoff queso with crispy noodle chips – And I'm making macaroni cheeseburger balls? (Nicole giggles) – Balls, mm, those do sound good! (noodles clattering inside of box) – Balls, with Nicole! (Nicole laughs) (cardboard flapping) – Nicole, what's the one thing that makes noodles more better? – Oil? – Yeah, pretty much So we took the Stroganoff noodles, which when I was a kid, I remember these being much bigger

But I realized, when I was a kid, I was just much smaller, so the noodles were technically much bigger, so I imagine these being chip sized, because my idea was to fry these into chips My idea, to be clear, is still to fry these into chips, and that's what I intend to do So I have the oil at about 350, and yeah, Nicole, just start dropping noodles in there – Should I, like, separate them? – Don't worry about separating them too much, I think you kinda want nice, big clusters It's like when you get a nacho plate, and two of the nachos are stuck together, that still technically counts as one nacho

– That's like the best part of the nachos, with the little foldy-over, and it gets a little sour cream in there, and then, like, beans and stuff – And when you ask someone if you can have a nacho and then you try and find the cheese structure to where it connects so you can pick up one nacho but it's actually eight nachos – Oh, my gosh – That's scamming, baby! But anyways, these are looking kind of crispy, and this is almost, like, akin to a fried wonton strip, you want one? – Oh, yeah, but I want to wait until it's cooled down a little bit! Oh, my God! – Coward! – That's like, 300 degree oil that you just popped into your mouth – The key is, when you do that, you gotta pool saliva in your mouth, and that way it cools it

– Do you really not feel anything right now? – No, never – No, my gosh, bro! – So we're gonna drain these, and then we're going to repeat the process until we just get a big old bowl of noodle chips – Cool – What are you doing? – Um, we're gonna find out real soon (cardboard flapping) – Nicole, what are you doing? (Nicole and Josh giggle) – Why is this funny? – No, it's just

– That was your opening line? – That was my opening line, yeah, that was perfect Nicole, I'll do it again Nicole, what are you doing? (Nicole and Josh giggle) – Nicole, what are you doing? – We're gonna make the meatballs, Josh

– You have breadcrumbs, but you also have noodles – What I did was, I took the noodles and I cooked them according to the directions of the box – Why aren't you deep-frying them? – Because there's no need to deep-fry them – What do you mean, no need to deep-fry? – Josh! – This does not compute within my brain! – These are actually better when you bake them – See, that sounds crazy to me

– The first thing I want you to do, can you grate half of this onion straight into this bowl? – Yes I can – That'd be great – Josh – You have to tenderize your onions – Josh! – If you don't tenderize your onions, you gotta

(onion thunks repetitively against the table) – Okay, how much onion am I grating? – Uh, most of it I'm also gonna take half of my cheese powder and I'm going to hydrate it in my milk, which is also gonna be a thickening agent – I got noodles in the onion

– It's okay- no, Josh, Josh, Josh, Josh Stop, stop, I'm strong than you! Stop! (loss of television signal tone blaring) – What's your meatball theory? – What's a meatball theory? – Everyone has a meatball theory – What's yours? – (Nicole and Josh) What's yours? – No, this isn't about me, Nicole, this is about you What's your meatball theory? – I believe that you should put Panko breadcrumbs, salt, pepper, and an egg into your meatballs – I believe meatballs are spying on us for the government

Sometimes I think the words that come out of my mouth were just created by- like, what's the, lorem ipsum? I think that's what's happening – Do you mean Cleverbot? – I'm like a walking glitch in the Matrix – You guys know about Cleverbot? – Do you remember SmarterChild on AIM? – Yes! It was so much fun, you could talk to computers all day! – Yeah, and AIM, before there was like any SIRI, there was like an AIM bot, when you didn't have enough friends to talk to, you talked to a computer – What was your AIM screen name? – BigBollaChubz – BigBollaChubz? – Cause I was chubby

– With a z? With a z? – That's impressive – What was yours? – Gosh_she_owns_ (Josh claps) – That is a perfect metaphor for how you and I both turned out in terms of confidence levels (Nicole laughs) – Now, what do I do, I just massage? – Yeah, we're just doing this together (Nicole laughs) – What did you want me to put the glove on for, if not to massage the meat? (Nicole and Josh laugh) – Okay, yeah, give it a good scoop

– Is this good? You wanna pack it – [Nicole] Yeah, you do wanna pack it a little bit – [Josh] You're getting – [Nicole] Who taught you how to scoop meatballs? – You did – You're not very good at it So you just take it, and you just – Oh, that looks way better – Yeah, what is this? – [Josh] Well, I was going quick! – [Nicole] That's what you were doing! What is that? – So, you use the scoop, but then you're just mashing it with your hands – [Nicole] Yeah, yeah, but like, clean it up a little bit – [Josh] Care – Yeah, care, TLC

– [Nicole] This feels good – [Josh] Yeah see- no, see, that one's not good – And so I pack it back in – No, you know, you can also empty it out No, Josh

– When are you gonna admit that this is a flawed process? – Josh – [Josh] There's just giant macaronis in your meatball – It's gonna add to the texture! – I called them nood-balls for a sec – Okay, now you can pop these in the oven for about fifteen minutes Go ahead Josh, you can do it

– Nicole, what are you doing? – Put them in the oven, Josh! – My hands are covered in raw meat (cardboard flapping) – Nicole – Yeah? – What are we doing? – Josh, this is your part of the recipe – Oh yeah, okay, so we're making our Stroganoff queso So, Nicole, what I need you to do is punch that onion as hard as you can

– Really? – Yeah It's not gonna hurt, you be confident (onion thunks) – That's great, so then, can you just chop that up? Really quickly, I'm just gonna punch this tomato clean in half (tomato squishes) (Nicole gasps) – Josh! – That's how you de-seed a tomato! – [Nicole] Josh – I'm not gonna apologize for my cooking

– You're gross, man – We have the tomato de-seeded (Nicole laughs) – Can you cut me two tablespoons of butter? Exactly two tablespoons Put that in there So we're gonna get that butter working, and then we're gonna toss in our beef

I'm just using normal ground beef, this is actually pretty lean because we have a lot of fat from the butter and then we got a lot of onion from the onions Toss in the ground beef – Josh, the way that you punch these things doesn't really help me in any way, shape, or form – No, I de-seeded it You grabbed the tomato, then you punched it, and now there's all these seeds? Shut it down! Classic Jon Taffer

– There's mold behind the bar! Is that what he sounds like? – The paying customers! (Nicole giggles) – That's good, we're kind of going for a classic queso feel, the way people make it with the RO-TEL canned tomatoes – This is nice, this is like, the calm part now, you know? You got all your aggression out – Yeah, that's why I punch my vegetables, to get this just, quiet tsunami of rage boiling inside me out We want this to all kind of sweat and get some juices out – Do you think there's buttermilk powder in this? – Uh, no, there's ricotta, there's whey, and there's a lot of stuff

That's what's fun about cooking with stuff like Hamburger Helper – Ricotta? – Yeah, there's like dehydrated ricotta in there – No way – The ri-got The ricotta, it's in the packet! Pour it in! – Actually? – Yeah

– All of it? – Yeah, all of it, all of it, all of it So, now we're gonna stir this together, and you're gonna see, it actually absorbs all the juices, which is what we wanted – Wow – Nicole, you wanna pour in- start with about a quarter of that milk, and then we're gonna try and build the sauce up That's a thick daddy sauce! – Thick daddy! – Looking browner than I intended

(Nicole laughs) – West Texas tradition, the old queso (Josh asks question in Spanish) – Um, moreno – You know, the old West Texas tradition, queso moreno (Nicole giggles) (Josh describes queso in Spanish) (Nicole laughs) – Yeah, I was initially imagining more of a reddish color, and this is like a pale brown – Yeah

– Keep adding milk, keep adding milk – It looks like Stroganoff – Give me a sec, give me a sec, give me a sec, I got a plan – Oh, oh, oh – We're just gonna go ahead and add a small dash of hot sauce

(Nicole gasps) – Just a little bit, just a little bit, to try and make it more redder – So you do want it colorado? – Now, now it's kind of like Pepto Bismol meets baby vomit – What if we try some paprika, maybe? – Yeah, grab the paprika, grab the paprika, because this is- wow, what a beautiful shade of this color – This is why we work together, even though we're in competition with one-another – That's good, that's good, how much paprika is that? – Like a fourth of a cup

– I'll give someone thirty-five dollars if anyone can actually describe accurately what paprika tastes like – Dried red bell pepper – Yeah, but like, you don't actually taste anything, when you add paprika to, like, a deviled egg or something, you don't taste it – Well, that's caused you have a blown out pallet – I do, I

– Oh, my gosh, it's so pretty now! – It's so pretty, look at that! Now that is what I call queso colorado, a south-eastern, central Texas tradition (Nicole laughs) (cardboard flapping) – Josh, look at these ingredients and tell me what we're doing – We're making a cheeseburger macaroni thousand island sauce to go on our cheeseburger macaroni meatballs, which are not gonna be as good as our Stroganoff queso with crispy noodle chips

– It's gonna be so bad – What we're gonna do, I'm gonna be you for a second – You can be me Josh, be me – I'm Nicole, I think eyebrows are a personality (Josh laughs) – The eyebrows frame your whole entire face

If you have wack eyebrows, your face doesn't look nice – I'm only mad because people think I don't have eyebrows – Yeah, because- they're just really light – So, after we shaved my head for charity a while ago, people were like, oh, you guys shaved his eyebrows too! And I was like, no So, let's go ahead and make this thousand island

You want me to do it? – Yeah, I would love for you to, just take it away – So, what we gotta do, we got white, squishy – No, move over, get out of here

So this is mayonnaise – I don't like that you're using pre-made pickle relish – No, this is not what this show is about! It's you put effort into some parts, and then you also do the lazy way the rest of the way – She's not lying, that is a big attendant of what we do – White vinegar

– Oh, so you get a little bit more acid – Salt, and our beautiful dehydrated – [Josh] Nicole, this is gonna be salty as hell

– You're salty as hell, because my recipe's better than yours (glass jar tapping) (Nicole imitates air horn blaring) – So, is this gonna be a meatball sandwich, like a slider? – No, you're gonna see – Did you make noodle buns? – Josh, no – Where are your noodle chips? – See, you were here when we made them – At what point are we deep-frying this mayonnaise? (Nicole giggles) – If you want to be Josh, there's three simple steps

Number one, deep-fry everything Number two, create some sort of pink sauce – Yes! – Three, talk about how cannibalism is morally okay – Buy The How To Be Josh Program for three easy payments of 1999

– Available at mythicalcom, along with our Mythical kitchen towels (catchy commercial music playing) (television static fizzing) – Wow, Nicole, this looks really great, so this is thousand island, huh? – Yeah – There's one thousand islands inside this sauce (Nicole giggles) – Wow, oh my God, have you ever seen something so crazy? – Josh, stop it, it has cheese powder, man

No, you can get a new spoon, you can get a new spoon – On the back – Do you taste the cheese? Is it too salty? – Do I taste the cheese? This cheese tastes me! (Nicole laughs) – It's bordering on a little too salty, but, like, when you get all the fat from the meat, and the little starchy noodles – It's not like a, like a, salt! It's like, salt – It's like

– (Nicole and Josh) Salt! Salt! (cardboard flapping) – Look at these little baby onions first of all, you're so cute, look how cute it is! – They're so cute, I feel bad punching them, but we have to punch them (Nicole giggles) – [Nicole] They're like earrings, you're so pretty! Look at him! – I thought about getting diamond studs once, but then I was like, you'd look way too much like a douche bag – They're so cute

So can you just slice them, into like, little baby rings? – Yeah – Yeah, that'd be wonderful And I'm gonna take some Colby Jack cheese, which is actually my favorite cheese in the whole entire world – [Josh] Are you gonna melt that cheese on there? – [Nicole] Yeah – Ooh, that's exciting

– I think the heat of it will melt it, but in the event that it doesn't, my oven is on – I'm brutalizing this onion, and not to be funny – How about you – I got it, no, no, no, I got it, I got it, I got it (Nicole cooing) – It's so cute! – He's so cute! He's so cute, I love it – You're gonna be such a good mom – What? Why do you always talk about children around me, what the frick? – Do you remember, the first day you worked here, I said, Nicole, I don't want to hear anything about your personal life? – Well, look at us now, all you and I do is talk about our personal life You're so bad at this! – I know, give me an easier task! – Go check on the cheese

– We don't have a full cheese melt, but we do have a little bit of a cheese weep – I really love that What we can start doing is stabbing and assembling You ready? – Oh, you had me at stabbing – Okay

– Guys, cute! Oh, my gosh! Have you seen a cuter thing? How did you call this recipe booty, this is the cutest thing I've ever seen in my life! – Booties is cute, I've seen a couple (Nicole laughs) – Look at my own in the mirror a lot That's a thing I do, you know, I talk about having low self-esteem, but sometimes I just look at myself naked in the mirror and I'm like, all right One time I took a work call when I was just naked in front of the mirror – How did it feel? – Strange, it was like, serious

– Would you do it again? – Uh, no And I'm not gonna say who it was at the company that called me Brian Flanagan But I was fully naked Where do the onions go? – I like to put them, like, right

(Nicole laughs) – Yay! It's like a game at the fair! (Nicole and Josh laugh) – I'm sorry, I'll put it on You gotta fully fledge the meatballs down so they stand Look at that! – [Nicole] Wow! – [Josh] Those are so fun

– This is perfect for, like, a kid's birthday party, or, like, an anniversary, or, like, after soccer practice Why do I keep talking about soccer practice? – But you complain about me saying you'd make a good mom, and then you're always talking about soccer practice – I'm sorry, I'm sorry – You may think that this is a great presentation, but check this out, I'm gonna school you on something – Okay, show me, show me

– All right, so what we're going to do is we're gonna slop it all in a bowl Look at that, look at that slop All right, but then we're going to take our chips, our big, bold chips, look how much queso you're gonna get when you scoop it up with one of those chips And we're just gonna arrange them all around our queso And then, Nicole, what I need you to do is look at that cilantro

– Just look at it? – Yup So we're going to take a little pico de gallo, and we're just gonna put a little dollop of pico on top This is called a queso moreno completo Again, this is the south of Texarcana And then, I'm gonna go ahead and put a little dollop of guac

And you've been looking at that cilantro the whole time, right? That means it's ready So I'm just gonna pick a single cilantro leaf – Can I do it? – Yeah, yeah, do it – I can do it? Yay! – And now look at this, it's perfect for an adult-themed birthday party, not, like, adult themes like in a movie It's perfect for after, like, a lacrosse scrimmage

I'm proud of this, this looks great This looks like something I'd order at the Buffalo Wild Wings That looks like something that would be on the back of a box, like a Triscuit box, because they're always putting cherry tomatoes on stuff – Can you believe the name of this show is Unbox Recipes and that's exactly what we're trying to do? (Nicole chews) – I think they look equally gorgeous – [Nicole] Yeah, I think we did a really good job

– I think they're going to taste equally good – I don't know about that – I think we should at least find out – Okay, let's do it (intense music) (intense music) (intense music) (intense music) – Nicole, we got an epic death match showdown right here

This is Ali-Frazier, this is Lakers-Celtics, this is cheeseburger macaroni bowls versus brown sludge (Nicole laughs) – All right, let's rock-paper-scissors to see who's eating first – Okay, ro, sham, beaux! Josh, that's so unfair of you to do! You didn't even wait for me – Uh oh – You okay? (Josh garbling through a full mouth) – You should try it, try to do the whole thing

– If I do that, I'll choke – The balls go right to your throat Let's look at the positives – The vegetables are so good – I mean, the positives

You get all that Hamburger Helper flavor, but to me, in a really good way, because it's such a sharp flavor I will say, the size of these, again, the balls poke you right in the back of the throat – Yeah, I think there's a little bit of a size issue – But, it is really delicious, and I love that it's low-carb, except for all of the macaroni (Nicole laughs) – You're basically taking all the components that are in there, but rearranging them in a very fun way

And, like you said, kids – Ugh, kids – Soccer! – Children! – Ugh! – You will love this, but be careful, when you, like, eat it all – Yeah, it's a choking hazard – You might choke and die

– [Josh] Okay, let's try this (chips crunching) – All the paprika that we added really does come through – I kind of love it – I kind of love it too, it is aggressive – There's still a choking hazard, these chips are dangerous

– The chips are dangerous, that's why the proper way to eat this is to take a Chinese soup spoon, and you load it up with queso, and then you put chips on top of it, and then – Did you bring me a spoon? – Nope – This sucks So you're making queso cereal? (Josh claps) – That's what this should have been – Uh-huh

– These aren't chips and queso, this is queso cereal! Your balls hit me in the back of the throat, my cheese punches you in the face, we're gonna go hand over the winner, on three, two, one, go We go on go Three, two, one, go – Yeah That's fantastic, it is flat-out addictive

– It was fantastic, the flavors are on point, the paprika really, really helped, with the visual and with the flavor – And that was you – So I guess – Nicole, I couldn't have done this without you, you are not technically a loser – I guess we both win! – We all win, this is delicious, you helped out, you're a key player, that little human – What's his name? – Ham

(Nicole laughs) – Last name Burger (Nicole laughs) – Middle name, Helper, Ham Helper Burger (Nicole laughs) – I think this needs to be on the back of the Hamburger Helper box And if you think it needs to be on the back of the box, tweet @helper with #UnboxRecipe, tell them how you feel – Thank you for watching Mythical Kitchen, we have new recipe videos for you every week, and to tune in to A Hot Dog Is A Sandwich, listen every Wednesday wherever you get your podcasts

– Hit us up on Instagram @mythicalkitchen with pictures of your mythical dishes under the hashtag #dreamsbecomefood We'll see you all next time Make your kitchen more mythical with these stickers and magnets, now available at mythicalcom

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