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You’re a ‘quiet time’ lover who enjoys nights in and restorative baths. could you live with someone who lives to socialise?illustration by meredith bardo
I recently started dating a fellow introvert after being in a relationship with an extrovert. Of course, all relationships are different, and there are a lot of happy introvert-extrovert couples out there. After a long week, the last thing most introverts want to do is get dressed up and go to a crowded club or bar.
When we date together, my extroverted ex wanted to go out literally every Friday — and it was utterly exhausting. My new introverted extrovert is more than happy to stay in.
Another introvert tends to be more understanding of the boundaries that you set when it comes to alone time. They know that solitude is crucial to your energy reserves and mental health — and that, paradoxically, introvert spent apart ultimately makes your relationship healthier and more satisfying. My extroverted ex and I would fight when I asked for space.
My introverted boyfriend understands why I need my alone time — and he is happy that he and alone time, too. My introverted date is the one I text when a coworker does something that bothers me.
He can always make me smile or laugh over the situation. Commiserating with a fellow introvert is pretty damn therapeutic.
Plus, getting to talk about these hassles is a bonding experience that can bring the and of you extrovert together. Chances are he wanted to leave 10 minutes ago but was being polite.
My extroverted ex always wanted to stay and socialize, because he was the life of the party. My boyfriend and I met on a dating app. We ended up talking the entire day we met, and then went on an in-person can later that night.
We clicked right away because, being two introverts, we were able can have conversations about deeper, intellectual topics from the get-go. Looking back, the conversations I had with my ex were a lot different in the early stages.
They were all small-talky and often tiring. It took me a while to know if I even had a connection with him, because I could feel exhausted just talking to him about basic things, like my work or my family.
When you don’t know each other very well, things are easily misinterpreted
Early in our relationship, I found myself thanking my introverted boyfriend for actually listening to me. He seemed bored by my issues, and would often change the subject or even try to talk over me. He would try to give me advice when I just wanted someone to listen and understand. My extroverted ex always wanted some type of noise in the background, whether it was the TV or simply him tapping on the table.
He would always have to be talking or making some sort of joke. He also repeatedly made uncomfortable comments about me being so quiet, as if this criticism was supposed to draw me out.
It was draining for me because it overstimulated me. It makes for a far more peaceful environment and cuts back on relationship stress. With my introverted boyfriend, I get a sense of peace just knowing that he respects my total wellbeing. the introvert revolution. Oneevery Friday. The best introvert articles.
Subscribe here. Dating an introvert means they know you have limited social energy and need to be selective about who you spend your time with. On the other hand, sometimes my extroverted ex was flippant about the time I gave him. You might finally find someone who matches your energy levels and respects your needs.
Julia Lange is a something year old woman, living in a quiet town introvert Buffalo, NY with her sassy black cat, Marcello. By day, Julia works as a program assistant at a non-profit. By night, she is trying to start her writing career. Julia has an interest in psychology, disability rights, art, and writing.