Bisquick Battle: Cheesy Monkey Bread vs. Crabcake Corn Dogs

– If we have to slow dance at prom, where do I place my hands? – Just like there (laughing) (upbeat music) – Welcome to Mythical Kitchen, where dreams become food

Now I love cooking out of boxes, I grew up cooking out of boxes, they are a great way to skip tedious steps but I got one problem with it, the recipes on the back are way too boring – So Josh and I are each gonna make our own recipe using Bisquick but only one recipe will be good enough to go on the back of the box – It's time for – [Josh And Nicole] Unbox Recipe! – So today I am making crab cake corn puppies, they are mini corn dogs made with Bisquick crab cake batter – [Nicole] I'm making pimento cheese monkey bread – There's a real monkey inside your bread? – No! – We could do it – I draw the line – I got a guy

– I draw the line at monkey – So Bisquick really, it's like flour and it's got the shortening that's powdered already up in it and it's got leavening agents, so you can kind of use it for anything, you can make biscuits, they recommend to make waffles and pancakes on the back of this but I think we can do better, so I'm turning this into a corn dog batter, which means I'm gonna go ahead and add some corn meal into that and then I'm gonna take an entire can of crab – [Nicole] Oh my gosh! – [Josh] You've never seen a can of crab before? – I've never seen, not like this! – Yeah they pack all the little leggies on the bottom So I'm just gonna run my knife– – Gross! – What do you mean, gross? – I don't like that – That's what you do, you subtly sabotage me emotionally

– You know what I feel like this is like, Josh? I feel like me and you are about to host a dinner party but we're the only ones that are gonna eat the dinner – If we hosted a dinner party, what do you think we would make together? Because we've talked about opening up a restaurant – These things – We've talked about opening up a restaurant playing to both our Jewish heritages So I'm making like, a bacon-fat matzo ball soup and you're making like

– Borscht – Just borscht? – I'm just gonna make some borscht I also put a little bit of mayonnaise in here to soften up my cream cheese

Have you ever had pimento cheese before? – I love pimento cheese – I love pimento cheese, the first time I had pimento cheese was in Portland, Oregon at Pine State Biscuits and boy, oh boy, did that change my life – All right so I've added egg, a little bit of Monterey Jack cheese, just because I like getting that little cheese pull in the batter and then some scallions, just for a little bit of flavor and color Now we're gonna throw in some Zatarain's Creole Mustard – Zatarain's! – Zatarain's, hey! My apron came untied

– Turn around – [Josh] I wanna do – Keep talking about what we're doing

– If we have to slow dance at prom, where do I place my hands? – Just like that (laughing) – Just keep them? – Yeah, just like that – Do you remember the term freak dancing? – Of course I do – There were eight parents at every high school dance that would come and physically pull you apart from freak dancing, problem is no one ever taught us how to dance, they taught us how not to dance You're not supposed to go front to back and do this but no one ever taught us how to dance

– Josh – So I'm gonna add a little milk to this batter – I'm gonna add mustard and then pepper and then, this is Laurie's Garlic Salt, have you ever had it before? No! – Why? – No

– My mouth's clean, I gargle bleach every morning just to feel something – Try that – [Josh] Do you want some of mine? – Yeah, I've actually never had Old Bay Seasoning – You've never had Old Bay? Oh my God Ooh! – That's good

– [Josh] That was nice – And then I add Worcestershire sauce, which is the secret ingredient that makes it a really nice pale gray color (laughing) – Pale gray is the most appetizing color in food 'cause you think of any fast food hamburger, if you actually really look at it, there is no brown on it, it is simply a pale gray It's like a, I don't know, the color of a television tuned to a dead channel – Is that like some deep cut (bleep) that I don't know? – That is a thing that there is gonna be one comment on and I'm going to search YouTube comments, control F Neuromancer to see if anyone gets that and one person will and I'll go ha ha, that was worth eight seconds of airtime

– I'm gonna add some pre-chopped bacon Do you wanna drain my diced pimentos for me? – I sure do – That'd be great, thanks Josh It's so fun whenever he helps me because normally I'm helping him, you know? – [Josh] I do require a lot of help – Yeah but it's fun, you know? – One day she had to help me tie my shoes in the morning 'cause I hurt my back dead lifting

– Yeah that was like, three weeks into me knowing you – Yeah and I just came into work holding my shoes in my hand with my head down I was like, "Nicole, I need help" – Yeah I remember, that's when we became really good friends What have you ever done for me? Well you do this

– I help you take out the trash every single day 'cause you have no upper body strength – Yeah I never ever take out the trash – All in? – Yeah throw them in there – I look like I just helped a rhinoceros give birth to Jim Carrey (laughing) (box closing) So right now I am making a remoulade which is a New Orleans-style pink mayonnaise-y sauce, which I cannot stress enough are the best sauce

It's gonna be the best condiment for a little seafood-y crab and also a little smoky, you'll see It'll come together, you're doubtful now but everyone doubted me Nicole doubts me every single day – I don't, I empower you, you're so sensitive – You just told me I don't know how to zest lemons right

– I'm gonna show you how, don't worry about it I'm gonna make biscuit dough, it's gonna be really easy It's gonna be a one, two situation – So you're using the recipe on the box to beat the box – No I'm not, I'm using my own, no, no, no, I am drawing inspiration from the box as most artists do

It's called appropriation, Josh We learned about this in the beginning – A universally good word! – Whatever, tomato, tomato And I'm just gonna take about five cups of this stuff and then mix it with a cup of, not water, this isn't water I've got the white water

– Yeah you got the old light cream water We got into an argument where I believe that if you add water to heavy cream, it turns into milk but no I'm saying, if you run out of milk for your cereal, you can mix heavy whipping cream, even if it's expired by two months, with water and put it in your Fruity Pebs – Okay, I have a confession to make I actually gave Rhett and Link one time a– (elevator music) – All right so I am gonna grate some fresh garlic into this remoulade You can kind of add whatever you want to it, I'm doing capers, mustard, Worcestershire, hot sauce, a little bit of lemon zest and juice

Also so many people do the knife flattening thing but once I cut myself, so I've just started palm heel striking my garlic (garlic smashing) – [Nicole] Josh! – Okay how do you zest a lemon? – Okay, so I zest a lemon like so because I can see the zest and I can also see the lemon and the pith Instead of just going like this, who knows what I'm getting on there – You gotta cook with instinct, you gotta use your instincts – No, look how clean this is and then you can finesse it

You can move the lemon too, see? You can like, it's all about, you're so good at tactile stuff Do the thing where you roll the lemon around your body – Right, toss it – See? He's so good at tactile stuff See, why don't you be tactile? – So we're gonna add just a little bit of lemon zest that Nicole zested for you, right into there

(laughing) You look like you're really deft with that Bisquick, did you grow up on Bisquick? – Deft? – Deft, you have deft hands – What does that mean? What does that mean? – Like the deft ones, the band You're soft and fluid and fluid with your movements – Yeah well I like to cook professionally, this is my job – I like to cook with brute force and bashing

– I like to cook with gentle coercion – And together we make a begrudging team All right I'm adding hot sauce, Worcestershire, little bit of moutard Creole Did you grow up eating Bisquick? – We were more of a red box family – I was blue box, we got Krusteaz Pancake Mix

– Oh my – K-R-U-S-T-E-A-Z So we would get these 10 pound bags of Krusteaz, my dad would make us pancakes every Sunday, as I mentioned before, every single dad somehow has learned to burn pancakes at the same exact, so I grew up eating burnt Krusteaz pancakes and they were still the best pancakes in my life, except for every other pancake that I've eaten other than that

– My dad was good at making pancakes – Well must be nice, Nicole I'm just chopping up some green onions to get it in the remoulade and then we're gonna stir it together and then after that, I'm gonna be frying up my corn puppies, which are small dogs I'm not cooking dog but the ethics on that, I think, we're gonna talk about that– – I'm not talking about that – Because I made the claim that I would eat my cat if it died of natural causes, I think it would be disrespectful not to

– Josh! Listen to A Hotdog is a Sandwich, please – Every Wednesday we talk to each other on the phone for an hour – It's so nice, it's so nice – It's like a little retreat (box closing) So I need to actually dip my corn dogs

We got Lit'l Smokies, which are great, have you ever eaten Lit'l Smokies? – I think so – The recipe of my people, Nicole – Oh it's cold, it's cold, it's cold (beep) – We're about to heat it up – Yeah, heating it up, boss! – Heating it up! So I'm about to dip it on these little toothpicks and we're about to put it in our crab batter and fry it

– Oh what's the glass for? – You're supposed to skewer the hot dog and you take it and you put it vertically in and pull it out vertically 'cause if you try and roll it around, the batter is gonna drip off the sides – I'm so interested to see if this is gonna work because I don't trust the weight of the toothpick but I do trust your intentions – I've never put, I've made a lot of corn dogs in my life, I have never put a bunch of crab into the corn dog batter – I'm excited for this – If you want to beat the box because let's be real, those recipes on the back, those are hard to beat

They got recipes for waff-les and pan-cak-es (laughing) – Pan-cak-es! – Waff-les and pan-cak-es, I mean those are two crazy dishes, who knows if we can beat them? – So what I'm gonna do while Josh is busy doing whatever he's doing, I took equal parts (laughing) I took equal parts butter and olive oil and I heated it up a little bit and I'm just gonna brush my Bundt pan, so none of the monkey bread will stick to it

– Nicole, what is monkey bread? – It's bread that is sweet and stuck together – So monkey bread's having a moment Taco Bell literally made a monkey bread version of a chalupa called a triplelupa – Oh I thought that was a human centipede version? – Yeah, I guess so actually If you really think about it

– Yeah, that's what that was – [Josh] So are you making human centipede bread? – No it's still monkey bread Human centipede is long, this is high – The corn dogs look like they're working out though I'm just dipping these straight vertically and they look like they're getting fully submerged in batter

– That's great! Go for it! – [Josh] I'm just gonna give it a little twirl – Oh my gosh, it held! I'm so impressed – [Josh] And then I'm just gonna drop it in – [Nicole] That's great, Josh – Gonna put it back on the heat 'cause I need to let my oil temperature get wildly high because I'm often distracted, I have the adult-onset ADHD

Didn't do so hot in school – You know what I did? I went to 13th Grade – What? – Oh you didn't know this? – Did you get held back? – No I graduated from high school, I walked, I got my diploma but when I opened it, it said please see your counselor Yeah it wasn't a real diploma and they're like, "you've gotta take another Math class," and I'm like "what?" If you fail Math, you can make pimento cheese monkey bread – Only do drugs if you want to

– Don't do drugs – Don't do drugs – Okay so I flattened out my little Bisquick batter, my dough, and then I'm gonna take a little bit of my filling and I'm going to push it towards the edge and then I'm– – Oh you're stuffing the monkey bread! – [Nicole] Of course! – Nicole! – Josh! Why don't you listen to me ever? And throw it in there – Wait, that's gonna be so good – I know! – That's gonna be so much better than mine, oh crap! – It's not gonna be better, it's just gonna be different

– When you said pimento cheese monkey bread, literally the whole time I thought you were just gonna ball Bisquick and shove pimento cheese on it and bake it – No I'ma stuff it – Damn, that's smart – Yeah I'm creative – I gotta figure out, so what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna go ahead and I'm gonna stuff these sausages with the crabs and then I'm gonna

– You failure – Now you sound like my high school Math teacher (laughing) Nicole, looks like you got your monkey bread all mon– – [Nicole] All monkeyed out

– Monkeying around – Yeah lots of cheese, lots of bread We're gonna put in the oven at 350 for 25, 30 minutes until the cheese looks nice and bubbly and golden brown on the top – I got all of my crab corn puppies made, we just need to get some little remoulade dipping sauce for that I'm pretty good, I genuinely cannot wait to see how that turns out because I am imagining the hot molten pimento cheese

One, there is mayonnaise in that pimento cheese, right? – Oh yeah, there's mayo all right – Hot mayonnaise is like one of my favorite foods in the entire world – It's your middle name – Mayonnaise isn't my middle name, it's just what I call myself on Tinder (box closing) (laughing) Oh look at that! – Shall I flip her over, you think? (groaning) That looks much better

– I think you should do that, I think you should do that and just fill the middle with the– – Oh my God, I'm gonna fill the middle with pimento cheese That was my idea (laughing) – I'm just gonna put some of the remoulade in the middle of that, I'm gonna put some chives on there because the rest of my plate is quite brown – I think we just have an issue where if our plate is too brown or too monochrome, we have to put something green on it, it doesn't matter what it is – Yeah, honestly that's like, a great tip though for just impressing people with food

If you put anything small, chopped and green on your plate, people will think you're a better cook than you actually are – [Nicole] I feel like a Midwestern mom right now – You are a Midwestern mom – Like, hey honey, I heard soccer practice wasn't so good You want some pimento cheese monkey bread? – All right, so here we have our crab cake Bisquick corn dogs

– And we have our pimento cheese monkey bread Mine's better 'cause it's on a spinny thing – Corn dogs! All right, so now let's taste these bad boys Bad boys, let's taste these Bad Boys Two with Martin Lawrence (laughing) (upbeat music) Nicole, these look stunning

– I know, I'm so impressed by the two of us – One more than the other, I tend to cook very brown food – No it's beautiful – But we have to decide, what would actually look appropriate on the back of the box Like, whose looks more camera ready to be there? – I don't know, I mean it depends if a hippy mom is buying it, mine

If a chef-driven mom, yours – Objectively speaking, this is incredibly gorgeous and I am very impressed – Oh my gosh – Shall we actually dig in and try it? – Yeah I'll try yours first

– Okay – Chin chin – L'chaim – That's delicious – That's really good

It's got that classic corn dog chew, you know there's a corn dog chew? – Yeah I don't like corn dogs but I do like this a lot – You can taste a little bit of the crab It's actually pretty easy to make but would the Bisquick corporation actually expect people to buy Lit'l Smokies and dip 'em and crab 'em and fry 'em? I don't know That said, this is freaking delicious – It's absolutely delicious

– Mm-hmm! – Okay, shall we dive into this monstrosity? – Yeah why not Okay, so I'm just gonna go – Yeah just go for it, go for it

– [Josh] Oh mine just exploded in pimento cheese from the inside out – Wait you have to dip it in the cold pimento cheese – I don't have to do nothin' – Josh! It's the full experience! – Oh the bacon just hit me first and that's freaking good – The caramelized cheese is where it's at

– The smokiness from the bacon, the little sweetness from the peppers in the pimento cheese, I love all the mayonnaise in there – You can taste the mayonnaise but it's a warm hug of mayonnaise – I have my answer for what should be on the back of the box – Shall we put our hand over which one we think it is? – On three, two, one – Yay! – This is awesome, it's like, a super fun, inventive idea

It's also super easy, deep frying stuff is hard But this is freaking gorgeous, it's gorgeous, it's fun, it's shareable – Super fun – It's like the epitome of a recipe that should be on the back of a Bisquick box That said, I'm still gonna absolutely eat these for breakfast tomorrow morning

I'm gonna put them in an omelet (laughing) – I think we both gave a very valiant effort and we should both be very proud of ourselves but I win! – Us two sentient human beings are better than a box and we're smarter, even though we both seemed to struggle in school – Don't know what sentient means – Thank you so much for stopping by Mythical Kitchen If you think that Bisquick should add this recipe to the back of the box, tweet @Bisquick with #UnboxRecipe

– Thank you for joining us in the Mythical Kitchen We've got new recipes for you every week – You can listen to A Hot Dog is a Sandwich every Wednesday, wherever you get your podcasts – You can hit us up on Instagram @MythicalKitchen with pictures of your dishes with the hashtag #DreamsBecomeFood – We'll see you next time

– [Narrator] Make your kitchen more mythical with these stickers and magnets Now available at Mythicalcom

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